Yorkshire Puds & Cupsa tea..


Today i’ve managed to land myself on Northern soil until Wedsnesday. I’m in Yorkshire, (my pretty winks of a doo-darr)… went shopping (in Doncaster,) got mobbed…fucking loved it. I love Donny for their sheer dedication to The Wunna. Then i got awkardly attached to a Christmas tree, that was covered in elves…(‘attached’ as in tangled into it….and not as in ‘had romantic feelings’ toward it) and bought the centre out of makeup, under age children and useless things with sequins on. I’m also completely obsessed with ‘Dynasty’ again. ‘Oooh‘ much! I saw the ad for it at Camden Tube station and did a little wee. Oh and with Christmas on an old rollio. I’m up here, due to my Christmas duties.and turning lights on in towns? Lucky you! I’m starving.

Other than that, I’ve been called a ‘devious swine,’ met 2 young girl fans called ‘Sinita & Sophie’ (there you go…there’s ya ‘shout out.’ Loved ya platts!)I’m feeling fun, flirty and positive…(not HIV…as that would be a little awkward) and i’m flaunting my ‘frilly froos.’

I’m beginning to love phrases of silliness…like ‘Hanky-panky,/Greedy guts/Squiddley diddley/and Whore.’ They tickle my fancy and well although there isn’t too much of me you can tickle without getting ‘pounced’ on then ferociously humped. After these 20 Yorkshire puds i’m about go McGobble…(ooh-er)…i’ll be feeling a little frisky!

Talking about 20…the phrase ‘TTYN‘ was said to me exactly 22 times today, in the space of 1hr 43 minutes at the Frenchgate shopping centre! I feel like a deliciously boobied walking billboard for Hilton. She’s a very smart girl! Before anyone does the ‘shock’ face and says my name at me…the name ‘Paris Hilton’ is said 5 seconds before it! I’m like free advertising…but rubbish coz i’m naughty. Oops!

I’m still utterly freezing…i was so bored last bight, due to having to pack. I don’t believe in folding my life into bags, simply to travel them for no real reason. Wherever i go…i want to take MY WORLD! (And dildo.) There’s better things i could be doing, like being a pisshead and mooning strangers…or looking at my pretty self in diamonds as i pout. I’ve been forcing my will upon people because i need a little glam madness. All they have in Yorkshire is….gravy.

Hope your all feeling a fierce warmth for yourselves! I’m well aware this blog was shit…but you try writing it with sunglasses on, 7 kittens pissing all over you, an attitude problem and a Mother…who’s insistant that you refrain from FUCKING swearing!

Pussy! Out!

3 thoughts on “Yorkshire Puds & Cupsa tea..”

  1. You may be a walking billboard for Paris Hilton but I have to deal with her from time to time.

    For example…..

    Tonight I stopped over at the Pacific Theatres at The Grove shopping center to see what had opened this weekend. I’m checking the showtimes at the credit card purchase machines when suddenly I hear all this commotion behind me with digital camera flashes going off.

    I turned around to see Paris (in red) directly behind me with some boyfriend waiting (politely) to actually make a purchase. I laughed, stepped aside, and the flashes resumed.

    Equilibrium had been restored.

    Needless to say I did not get a chance to review the showtimes.

    But let’s review this situation:

    Paris Hilton is going to a shopping center?

    Paris Hilton is going to a shopping center dressed in red? (No disguise?)

    Paris Hilton is going to a shopping center, dressed in red, at night with boyfriend in tow?

    Paris Hilton is going to a public movie at a shopping center, dressed in red, at night with boyfriend in tow?

    Paris Hilton is going to a public movie, probably NEW MOON at a shopping center, dressed in red on the SATURDAY NIGHT before the U.S. Thanksgiving with boyfriend in tow?

    Now just who’s the bigger publicity whore? You or her?

    Actually this is hardly the first time she’s run into me (yes, I am allowed to say it that way because…). The last time I saw her she was driving her mother’s SUV (rather poorly) and almost hit me as she swerved into the driveway to the Hilton International building on Little Santa Monica Boulevard in Beverly Hills.

    A guard came to see if I was hurt but I brushed the matter off.

    Hey Wunna! Take care of who you mention next in your blog; I might find them that night clogging up the 3rd Street Laundromat ruining my wash.


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