Yes I scrub in sinks! June 12, 2010 by Chrissie With me being the Ultimate of Glamour Pussiness…you wouldn’t have thought that I’d just had a wash in the kitchen sink, by a sack of spuds, a bag of cat litter and those pots that read ‘Tea/Coffee/Sugar.’ Now, i’m not a scrubber. Infact, i’m the absolute opposite…i’m secretly quite the germaphobe. However, since the lazy workmen, (who are fitting my new bathrooms) couldn’t be bothered to fit a in a bath or a shower today, due to the art of *slowness* much…my ONLY option, was to have a kitchen sink bath. *Put down your feathered fan & pick up that mouldy sponge.* At first i felt like an over developed orphan Annie. I was stood over the sink my my bra and some pyjama bottoms washing my hair, so that i could finally achieve my oh so essential *Hollywood bounce.* That part was mildy ok. Apart from the fact that i kept having to dip my head up and down like a…what’s the wor…oh yeah TWAT, in order to condition. I mean i also didn’t enjoy having to use plastic jugs (wait…not MY ‘plastic jugs,’ i do mean actual jugs made out of plastic,) to pour water upon my jet black maine of ‘deliciousness’ and especially because i measured milk in the jug, almost one hour previous. One minute, i’m attempting a marshemellow hot chocolate of milky milky…and the next minute i’ve got my head jammed in the same jug, whilst singing Abba. (Why am i getting a *flashback* of Pete telling me he loves it when i breast feed him?) The actual *wash* part of my kitchen sink bathtime was actually awkward. I mean, i’m stood there.. now topless, with wet hair, dipping a blue flannel cloth (that i found next to chopsticks) in a sink full of warm warm water..that had bits of rice in it. I’m then washing myself down, in the most purrfectly yummy smelling shower cream, then ferociously scrubbing myself down…like i was having a hot flush. I felt 50 years old, and like i was ship-wrecked…(but obviously with food, because i was in a kitchen.) It was awkward and quiet, so i talked to myself like I was mentally ill. (CHAMPION!) THEN…the strangest thing happened. I caught myself topless in the window. My window mirror image! And i tell you what…it was half a bit of alright matey! I gave myself two thumbs up. I’m not kidding, no word of a lie…i actually started to LOVE my kitchen sink bath. It accidentally started feeling a bit sexy! I splashed, and clothed, and winked like no other beings business! Now, i totally know how to PULL my gardener. The ‘topless tea’ move i perform on a regular basis is so yesterday. It’s all about the Kitchen sink scrub down. I found it sexy and when YOU find yourself sexy…others (as in boys) begin to find you sexy too. Lead the way my kittens…show them what their missing! Bottom line, i ended up in the buff, stood on a plastic bag, washing myself with warm bubbles, with a soaky blue cloth, in my window mirror, at midnight and feeling delicious…oh and a bit old. I dried off, patted my Burmese ‘bootay-yeah yeah,’with my baby pink towel, made a cuppa tea, tanned and well now i’m pretty much ready for my close up bitches! I have to travel tomorrow, so i’m having to begin my *groom* early! I don’t have to travel early…but i just want a lie in. I have a great deal of pokery to tend to. ‘Loverboy’s’ gonna be all upset that i have to go. But i think it’s important to place yourself first at times..when it comes to work. I know a lot of girls (including myself as a mid-twentier in LA) putting boys (but of the loser sort) before their own money making/career…and well, you don’t really end up with much, other than heartbreak, with a delicious side of *sense.* I once had a boy, (infact a couple, both here and in LA) be so jealous of my career, that they would deliberately try to sabbotage my work, or my life, in order for me to not do better than them, or well. But, I’m a human dynamo. I make my own decisions. There’s no stopping me. You may think you’re getting one over on me…but you never are. I have it handled with *sizzle.* Now, i’m sat at home, watching Wife swap ( a show i keep getting obsessed with,) in the middle of the living room, writing my blog, around kittens. It’s almost 1am and i can even feel the bags heavying up, under my eyes. I can’t wait to hit the pillow, and i actually can’t wait to be a travelling tomorrow. Jonny’s upset because he believes i’m ignoring him. I’m not. I’m just busy. I feel he’s upset because he’s now completely lost his control over me, or his footing in my path. He hates the feeling on not being in control of things. But i’m Chrissie Wunna, i move fast an on, with a cocktail, doing my own kinda thing, in my own kinda way. Pete (Loverboy) is a great deal stronger than Jonny and the reason is oddly because he is able to express his true feelings openly, honestly and without fear. He knows how to love. He knows how to treat a girl. He wants to be happy and with a distinct stamp of loyalty and a baby-like affection. He’s mature, loving, romantic and a grow up. He’ll never do me wrong. I trust him. (I obviously must have forgiven him for making me eat in the wind. I’ve put it down to the fact that he’s not used to dating a floozey…a Barbie doll type. If go in the wind, my skirt blows up, my hair goes wild, it ends up stuck to my lipgloss and my eyelashes start fluttering like they have epilepsy. This behaviour does not go with wine and steak. Aaah but he adores me anyway. Infact speaking of the devil….my phone’s ringing.