Another great day filed away by ‘The Wunna’. My throat felt like it had a prickly ball gag wedged down it. Not sure how i was going to talk??? Yet for some reason once i was began the ‘meeting and a greeting’ it pulled a Houdini and disappeared on me. (Kinda like the men in my life.) Therefore obviously proving that my need to show off, ‘trumps’ my need for good health. Maybe the STD in my voice ate away the McStucky. Who knows, who cares? Why doesn’t anyone love me? (These times in my life are always bad, as i start being a SLAG to validate my existance.)
Anyway, I successfully completed my ‘meet and greet’ and it was all with 14-15 year old girls! I love how my audience has pulled a switch-a-roo. I started off being a slut, who was only secretly worshipped by perverted boys (be they old or be they young.) Yet now girls of the 15 year old variety are my biggest fans. Hoards, and hoards and hoards of them!!! One said i looked like ‘a cartoon character.’ They think i’m a toy. I love it. I’m like this frightenning bitch of a doll, who swears and tells dirty jokes. I’m a hit with the young’uns. It works for me. I’m getting away with murder!! (Well i’m not actually killing them. Just my tearing away at my soul and dignity. But i’m doing a pretty decent job at it. So it’s definitely worth ‘clinking’ to. REJOICE!!!) I love that kids love me, as people always said they wouldn’t because of my ‘inappropriate blog.’ IN YOUR FACE! If i did ‘Wunna School Musical’ right now (and it would probably have to be a porn, as i don’t think i could be anywhere near 18 year olds boys in school uniforms and not want to rummage around in their undies. It’d give a whole new meaning to the term ‘We’re all in this Together!’) I’d be a billionaire!!! I’d be rolling around naked in my feathery bucks, having quids splurt out of every empty oraphis!! Yee-Haaaaa!
Goodness! I’m getting distracted!! So anyway, i got on a stage, waved a lot, let them take pictures, ask me questions, did ‘one on ones,’ let them scream at me, and then after dancing to ‘Katy Perry/Kissed a girl’ with them, (not with feathers on my nipples this time, just wiggling with the crowd like an embarassment)…i immediately snatched all the gifts they had brought me (whether they had brought them for me or not ) from their grubby little hands and did a runner!! Legged it! Did a Gonzalez! ( I don’t actually run very fast. I merely totter..quite slowly and kind of on the spot, whilst pouting and sweating.)
I love fucking gifts! (As in ‘recieving’ them….not shoving them up my vagina.) My affection can easily be bought. I’m a sucker for it. If there was an new material girl in town, it would be me and i’d rinse it!! More, more, more, more, MORE. Now, now, now ,now, NOW!! It’s excess in moderation and sends inappropriate tingles through my whole ‘made for you’ body. I like to be spoilt because i’m an idiotic bratt. Therefore my cup cake tea pot, my perfume, my flowers and the random bits of dirty underwear (Step aside Brand) i recieved today…from boys AND girls, simply made my day…(and gave me a round of herpes!!) The rest were just phone numbers, or cards with secret phone numbers. Yet, the best gift of all was a ‘Pocket garden!’ I mean, it’s GREATNESS!! Someone looked at me Chrissie Wunna/aka ‘Queen of Greatness’ and immediately thought, ‘ooh i’ll get her a pocket garden.’ OMG! It’s randomness really got the better of me and i became obsessed with this garden of pocketness. I just kinda shoved it in my pocket and grew a lawn. HILARIOUS! You can put it in your panties and grow a bush! You can place it in any ‘pocket like’ oraphis and grow a fucking garden! I ADORE IT!! (That doesn’t mean send me anymore…i don’t love it that much. Infact, i hate it now! It’s a pointless invention. Like really, who needs a garden in their pocket??? The only thing i need in my pocket is a dildo, a cell phone and someone elses credit card.) I smell beef? My day is over and i can finally get back to being sick again. I keep having to postpone it.
I need love