Work, Nectarines and Gypsies

Morning you flirtatious plinks of sparkle. Well aren’t i knackered. I’m shattered. I’m *umph*-ed out and dusted over with a mist of ricky rest time. However, the good thing about being completely shattered is the fact that i’m actually shattered from doing productive things with my life, (I know…who’da thought) instead being glorified for being a prize, glitzy, boobied idiot…in wonky eyelashes. Plus, i’m also ding everything in a bad weave. When you are able to conduct greatness, in such a state of bad weaviness…you are fabulous. No if’s, no buts, no nada. But today is all about the art of resting and recouping. Yes, because i’m an old bird now, yes because i’m a preggohontas and yes because i’ve been working hard. (I’d *high-five* here, if i didn’t think *high-fiving* was odd.)

Anyway, i’m only gonna give you a quick recap of what i’ve been up to , because typing in these acrylics is a task in itself…especially when mildy hormonal. (Keiran’s looking at me like he wants to bonk me. He apparently dreamt of bonking me in as many ways as he could last night in his merry dreams. That is what i am married to. But i’ll get back to that a wee bit later…things have recovered and thank god for it. I was losing my voice from shouting at him. This is why Asian birds are always given swords or ninja stars in movies. We need them to resolve our anger management problems calmly. Shouting isn’t as satifying.)

Okay, anyway, back to Buddha. Tuesday i ventured all the way back to merry London for a modelling job i had randomly booked via the new agents. (Who are serving me well.) I haven’t done much modelling in ages because ‘mummyhood’ and making money the good old fashioned way had become a priority. Anyhow, it turns out i’m actually glitzy and people for some reason now remember me a little bit and want to hire me. (It’s called good PR. Lol.) I’ve become retro. This is where being old and having 5 minutes on the telly ages ago works for you.

So, there i was travelling up to Kensington. Doing all the tubes, carrying minimum luggage. (All good people travel light. It means they aren’t planning to root up and cling on…they are adventures with a gypsy heart. *I’m actually just getting a flashback of my blond friend Kim showing sexy Fran a picture of herself in fancy dress. Kim had actually chosen to go as a Pirate, but Fran thought she has gone as a Gypo. HAHAHAHAH. ‘No babe, I’m a Pirate.’ I’m a swine for situations like that, because no matter how wonderful a friend i am with the culprits, i always have to point out their faults in a humourously hideous way…for my own kicks…and because i’m evil.*

So checked into the hotel in Kensington. Only stayed in a little one, as it all gets a wee bit pricey. Caught up with all my emails. Swore at my shit phone, Groomed a little bit. Had sushi and then grabbed a taxi to take me to the BBC where my little modelling gig was taking place. By 5.30pm, i found myself in a dressing room with 3 other beautiful girls. One was from Essex, the other was a haunting pale beauty and the third being almost Latina. Gorgeous they were. Infact, i felt a bit frumpy in comparison. Oh and across the hall in an opposite dressing room were 5 big buff men…some good looking, some dodgy, but on the whole all working.

We chatted, we rehearsed, we went on a wonder to find food, (they only left us a few sarnies and a diet coke) and then wardrobe entered with our outfits. We were all placed in the same and no not in glamourus gowns of glory…in red long sleeved tops, high waisted white flairs with GOLD buttons AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, a POM POM attached to our left shoulders. It was hilarious and meant to be somewhat comedic. Now i love outfits of utter comedy and simply because i’ve passed that age of feeling embarassed about anything. The rule is, if you’re never embarrassed about anything, you will never do anything embarrsing. 🙂 I loved it.

Shot did well, got made fun off, got asked about the Hilton show and then with my pom pom attached to my left shoulder in the most comedic outfit i had ever worn, i meet British Justin Bieber ‘Conor Maynard’..funny man Joe Lycett, Nick Grimshaw and Nancy Dellolio..all in own go, by a buffet table of nuts, crisps and humous. Joe Lycett thought he knew me from somewhere and well Conor, what a cutie. For a 20 year old boy he’s certainly very grown up. He knows how to jab fun at himself without an tingle of insecurity. Probably because he’s a popstar, 20 and loaded.

Got changed, went back to the hotel and left London on a 10.48am train to Pontefract. Bliss. Whenever i go back to Ponty, everything goes back to clam. Whenever i’m in London, i’m always up to something ridiculous. I enjoy the balance of it all. In life, you need balance. You need to be adored and you need balance. Like Russell Brand used to say, ‘Madness without punctuation is never good.’

Keiran picked me up from the train station. It was a beautiful day. We’ve fully made up and now tending to life. he’s trying really hard now to be the best he can be and well he might have *hit* panic button for a moment, as life got the better of him, yet it was him who cried into his pasta and he cried because he couldn’t cope and he thought i didn’t love him, or didn’t respect him. I explained that crying is really different angry. We got into another fight…and then we finally managed to make up. He missed me when i was gone. Ladies, if you’re falling out with your men, take a ‘time out’ and if they love you, they will miss you and find you.

Rested all Wednesday. Loved it. Did a phone meeting and an interview about my relationship. Went on a walk to the garden centre and adored allt eh Christmas decorations up in their full glory. I’m a Christnas baby, it makes me happy. I’m calmed by tinsel, fairylights and talking reindeer. Fucked up, i know. But to me,when i was born…that was normal…it was the world.

Then a granny upset me by talking to me forever about her life. I was stranded in a supermarket isle for an hour and a half listenning to her and hearing her loneliness. It;s nice for 10 minutes, but at 11 minutes, you’ve lost me. I get frustrated and start feeling the need to escape.

Went to bed early. Got up fresh and was on a train by 7.51am from Wakefield Westgate to London. Thursday was all about filming and a photoshoot. Great day. My favourite day and simply because i’m fond of having my picture taking, due to my showy, posery disposition. I even had my eyeline taken off me and still thought it was fun. I got to see a few lovely ladies who i hadn’t managed to see in a while…well a week, but i’ve weirdly gotten close to them now. We’ve become this happy dysfunctional family. We’re all so different, but all really close. (Well some of us are. 🙂 ) I can’t telly ou anything else about it really. But yes, picture taking, filming and exhaustion. Fun exhaustion though. I broke my baby news. Then after a cheers and champagne in plastic cups, we all went home with a bag full of suacy stockings and an item from the shoot, that we wore, How lovely! I’m loving every moment of this time and well it’s upsetting me that it actually feels like it’s coming to an end…when for you lot it hasn’t even started. The journey has been tremendous. So much has happened.

Trained it home calmly. God, i was knackered. I’m almost 2 months preggo and well that train journey home is not fun. I was squished and wanted ‘juuuuuddddjjjjing’ (our entire day was all about people ‘juuuuuudddjjjing’ our hair and eyelining our faces. It calms me and well i believe every girl needs a ‘juuuudddjjjer’ at home. They should come with your birth certificate.)

Squashed all the way home. Fran kept sending me pictures of wine…as i am unable to enjoy a booze grape juice, due to me being with child. (I’m like the Virgin Mary, but not a virgin and not called Mary?)

The men at the table around me kept laptopping around me and well in my faux fur i had had enough. I turned from a delightful  Preggo-hontas, to  Preggasaurus.Rex.

Train arrives in at 2100. Keiran was there to pick me up. He’d missed me all day, which is always handy and when i had got home he had cleaned and tidied the ENTIRE house. Literally done everything….thoroughly and had even bought me snacks. I was knackered but still put on stockings for a bonk.

Bed time occured…and well now’s Friday. Thank fuck for Friday! I’m craving nectarines




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