When the boys come out to play…

Okay, when it comes to my love life, i’m in that stage where Summer has arrived (and we all know Summer is for flings and never for long term relationships, as it’s only ever  in Winter where people begin coupling up and trying to do ‘forever.’ It’s really true. If you meet someone in the Summer…it never works out. Honest!! Cupid told me. Plus boys get hornier during the Summer months and well their own little heat engine turns on…as they spy any bit of meat and…well…POUNCE.)

All this is fine…if you’re not an exotic looking, big boobied…nuisance of a girl. I am currently being HAMMERED with ‘love me’ (code for ‘sex’) requests by male suitors, who are new, random, old or even just my friends. Yes! Even some of my guy friends eyes have turned form sweet and genuine, to pervy. It’s the season..the heat and the hormones…i’m telling you. That’s why you should never fall in love abroad, if you’re from England, because when you return to Blighty, things aren’t as glamourous as they were, when you were dancing under a sunkissed mist of ‘ooh laa.’ lmao If you can fall in love in the worst circumstances, be it work, Yorkshire…plain old, plain old…and still be excited…when it’s raining…then you’ve hit the jackpot. Nights out, clubs, holidays and Summer..etc..are bad bad places to meet your ‘forever.’ Those places are places where in which you’ll meet a jolly old flingalinaling. And you can tell that all the boys are trying super hard, as on Facebook, almost every other one of my guy friends…(well the vain bunch) have plonked up shirtless pictures of themselves…which they NEVER do in Winter, because they’ll look like twits. 🙂

Look…(taken straight off my FB newsfeed of my guy friends…)


Even Keiran put one up two hours ago…

But yes, enough of that…i’m getting hit on by ‘willies’ right now and it’s very flattering, however, a little annoyingly time consuming. I’m a busy, single mum of two. 🙂 Even flirting gets scheduled in. Haha.

I feel quite sexy right now, i’m a moneymaking machine, beauty line almost ready, day job going well…in great shape, good tan, happy soul…bikini body in tact, exotic wink of ‘ooh laa’ still going..so i don’t feel in need of a ‘pick me up.’ My guy friends are trying to turn normal ‘lunch’ into dates. Lol. (‘Chrissie, can we just get lunch and can I pretend it’s a date?’) And, well as i woke up this morning, on my merry day off, before it was EVEN 8AM, I got bombarded by chat up lines by folk, who quite fancy a bit of glamour puss…Wunna land..well…me.

I had one guy (in the name of humour) attempt the ‘You’re body is amazing, will you hold it against me’ line. (I did find it funny…yet it was odd, as that being is in ‘friend zone,’ and i feel as though i could actually turn around and say ‘og on then, lets have sex’ and he would. Awkward. Very cold shower needed. ‘Make it rain bitches.’ 🙂 )  Then I had another ask if he could ‘charm me?’ Another state that ‘we should really go for a drink.’ Another do the ‘hot girl like you single…’ approach. (Yawn.) And another, just tell me that i was beautiful and that he’d really love to take me out. (Which is the nicest way to do it.) The other nice way is to just randomly type ‘besos.’ A Spanish Doctor (who i’ve never met) did that. Flattered. It’s Summer. Save me from the ‘willies,’ as none of them for thinking with their actual hearts. I’m like this ‘Bonk a notch’ trophy or something?

So, yeah all very nice, YET all before it even struck 8am…

Now, you see, i’m a hopeless romantic and I fall for boys who are also hopeless romantics…especially the ones that admit that they are…yet even I can’t handle all of that before 8am (with Baby Junior puke in my hair, getting ready for a nursery run.) There I am rushing around and there my phone is..trying to flirt with me. I’m used to it, if i’m being honest. Yet, it’s really usually just throughout my day. Simply because Summer, sun and heat have hit…the boys are fancying their chances…and either gyming it up, (six packs don’t pay the bills boys 🙂 ) or showing me that they got cash (you need more than just dollar Gents) …and going in for the kill. I’ve had it ALL DAY and on Mummy/Ruby day!

I have shopped, Adventure golfed with Ruby, played, shopped more, lunched and let her spend like she was a teen, before then letting her start our giant family, ‘for the living room’ canvas, to put up on our wall. (Junior, Ruby and I are going to do it together…a giant one..we’re naming it ‘Happiness’ and well every inch of it has been painted, glittered or loved…by US!) It’s mildy insane, but i don’t care….my kids have done it and to me that canvas is everything!! It’s actually knackered Rubes out, as now she’s asleep on a ‘Love Me’ cushion, like she’s just run a marathon, after feeding her new pet snail sequins and trying to play ‘hide and seek’ with me in a clothing store. Never good, when i’m you’re Mother, as i get far too distracted by the latest bargains…that i’ll just forget to ‘seek.’ (‘Oops, sorry babe, i forgot to look for you. Do you want me to buy you accessories instead? ‘ 🙂 )

Today has been great, it’s been really wonderful and well my little girl has adored every waking minute with Mama. The problem is that she loves it a bit too much to the point where she thinks her life goal is to just follow Mummy to work and never ever have to go to school and be something that she wants to be.

I have a new telly! It’s just a normal one, that’s a dvd/tv combi, that I can mount onto the wall..but i just wanted new. As the ‘carry things to the car’ guy at Currys, trundled along with me, all he said was ‘Wow, you’re spending a lot aren’t you? See you at the end of the month when you make me carry your cooker!’ (I’ve only bought a fridge and a new telly in the last 2 weeks. I hardly think that makes me Mama Big Bucks. I did also buy sofas and ‘all kinds of shit’ for the house…but whatever, I might as well do it when I can. I should’ve skipped down the yellow brick road and asked for a brain.)

OH!! And is it just my chick friend Ruth, or handy men known for being horndogs?

Wait! Wait! Wait! Before you all start, MY handyman isn’t. Lmao. But I honeslty didn’t know that there was thing about how handy man make themselves ‘handy’ in other ways?

This is how our convo went…

‘So Ruth, y’know my Handy man..’

‘You mean, RANDY man’ (as she smirks by a fridge)

‘No…what do you mean? An i missing something…’

‘No..go on…’


‘It’s just that everyone know that Handy men always go around bonking people that they’re handy for?’

‘Do they?’

‘OMG! How could you not know this?’

Y’see, i’ve always heard jokes about the milkman and just thought it was…a joke. But i actually didn’t know handy men went around boning things with tape measures in their hands?

I even said, ‘I thought at was the milkman??’

Saying that, I did have a friend who fitted kitchens and would tell me stories about how he boned a fat girl, whilst fitting her kitchen once, because she came on to him in a lingerie. HAHAHA. Who does that! And i mean, both ways. Who fits a kitchen with a side of sex and who (when the workmen are in) walks around in lingerie!! PAHAHA.)

I’m actually quite good friends with Handy man Mike now..and i think that if i walked around in frilly pants it would alarm him. HAHAHA. Ruth doesn’t think so however, as she has assured me that handy men can’t WAIT to get a young, hot click as one of their clients….as they start to smooze with them…and before you know it, you’re downward dogging it, under bed sheets..by spanners?

I don’t think so. HAHA.

I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have Handy man Mike, as nothing in my house would be built, up or working. I mean, Keiran did say he would do it for me, yet he’s always away and so did Pete…but he’s working two jobs…so Mike will do just fine. Plus, I like playing Desperate Housewives…it’s fun. (Especially because my other neighbour is trying to ‘out Gaby’ me. 🙂

However, I will ask him if handy men go around being more than ‘handy’ when he comes to plonk up my telly, do a blind, some more lighting and fix the door. I literally have great rapports with all those who i work with…so it’ll be an easy convo. Y’see this is why i’ll make an ace boss, if..i mean WHEN my lash line goes massive, because i’m ace at being a boss lady, simply because in my time, i’ve worked for such hideous ‘people in charge.’ I’m cool, i’m glizty, i do my fair share..and i’m ace.

Okay, i’m gonna go now and do wine for a second, whilst baby ‘napping’ is occuring. Junior is on a ‘stop out’ and well Grandma is coming over for dinner.

Back to work tomorrow…and then i have the entire weekend OFF!

Love you dolls,

Wiggle, wink, Gotcha!














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