Waiting rooms and Surgery


What is my LIFE! So last night…out of nowhere, my body decides to give in and join the circus. What I mean by that is the simple fact that I don’t find clowns funny. Holy crap! I was non-stop puking, pooing…puking….pooing. Lord knows what was going on? I felt queezy, nauseous and exactly like waking up after a heavy night on the piss, after millions of free mixed drinks that haven’t been kind to you. I had room spin and everything, yet without the GOOD TIME. There was HEAVY NIGHT ON THE RAZZLE. I was just weirdly ILL!

Now, that’s gross anyway, on it’s own. Especially because it feels shit wobbling around all dizzy and room spinny, trying to hold puke down, doesn’t it? It’s even acer when you’ve picked your two little babies up from nursery and have to look after them, whilst being their hero and sort of commiting to the art of entertainment. HORRID. But I held my ground. I just smiled, dusted myself off, secretly puked and pooed, when I couldn’t hold it down and then by 8pm, lights off and we all went to bed, in order to make the task much easier. It was HORRENDOUS and it’s awful in those moments because you realize that even though you’re strong and even though you are mighty, you ALWAYS need someone there to look after you. You always need someone to cuddle you and tell you everything’s going to be alright. (But only if it is going to be alright. I hate it when people just say things that they don’t mean.) I got on with it. yeah. But I did feel quite alone. I mean…there I was looking after Ruby (who was of course refusing to go to sleep and Junior who was crying non-stop…) yet once they had settled and gone to sleep and I could breathe and finally just BE ILL without a ‘front’ up…I noticed that, I didn’t have anyone right there… to well…look after ME. (But then when I woke up and glanced at my phone…i noticed that there were people who deep down wanted to look after me and love me and help. Yet it sucks leaving your phone downstairs by accident, during moments where you might need help. Lol)

In the morning, I felt chipperly groggy, but again got on with it. I had a business email to respond to, two little  babies to love, change and breakfast, before a nursery run and a 10am appointment at Pinderfields hospital for my thyroid. I’ve been in a hospital a lot this year already. I don’t like it. I began the year with a personal problem and now I have the thyroid lump to tend to.

Sorted the babies,..was driving to the hospital, whilst texting and YOU SHOULDN’T do that! Got there, thinking i’d be in and out. 10am my appointment was. Called up at 9.48am…went to see the specialist and after waiting 30 minutes already, we were all then told that our appointments now on a 70 minute DELAY! UGH! As if! I hate waiting rooms and I hate waiting. I was starving  and had no company. I was in a waiting room with old people and chavs too! The posh people seemed to arrive in the afternoon. Maybe they only get sick then? The good thing is that during my wait, I saw an elderly couple who must have been around 77 years old. The gentleman stood up and helped his 77 year old wife up to standing, after calling her ‘beautiful’ and laughing with an ‘anyone would think you’re old.‘ They then went arm in arm to see the Doctor. It made me smile. I love LOVE.

Waited AGES. Hungry, still recovering. Starving…having to rummage in my handbag for Ruby’s chocolate bunnies. Claustrophobic because I was STUCK in this waiting room for hours and hours. Awkward because some guy in a shell suit kept winking at me like I was his next potential conquest. No-one glams up at hospitals and I don’t know why? Again..i looked like  Dolly Parton and Jackie Chan’s love child and everyone else…looked…normal. 🙂

Once I got in there…it was alright. I felt like an entertainer again. The doctor told me all about my lump, enjoyed various bits of witty banter with me and then after making me stick my tongue out, whilst he had a peek at my voice box and after he had felt my thyroid up gently. (I am comforted by Doctors. I love them and feel safe and calm, all cosy and warm when I’m amongst them and that’s obviously due to my parents. When i’m around Doctors be they young, old, male for female, I automatically feel as though I’m around family. It’s like a cuddle.

He actually told me that I had inherited from my Mother, after reading my medical history. I grinned, cheekily and said, ‘Ah! Thanks Mum. Some people inherit castles. I get thyroid lumps. 🙂  It got a laugh by all, so I was happy. Then he told me that i’d HAVE to have the surgery on it and quickly. Yet it WILL scar. But I just laughed it off with a ‘Well it’s nothing that Estee Lauder can’t handle. ‘ 🙂


Then I got sent to another waiting room for another, ‘i’m starving’ hour, around not only old people and chavs…but grumpy old people and chavs. The posh people began to arrive for blood tests afterward. We were now on a 60 minute delay. Yippeee! And well to say I ventured in at 10am, I didn’t leave until 2pm.

I also got buckets of blood drained out of me, weighed, bantered with…and then out of nowhere, the lovely nurse said, ‘I’m booking you in for surgery on March 25th. Is that okay?’


I mean, I knew I was going to have it. But I didn’t know it was going to be so soon. But whatever. I’m terrified of all things of this sort…yet fuck it, it’s better to be safe than sorry and well to just get it over with. I haven’t had a proper neck in YEARS. In years! This massive lump is going to get cut out and thrown away like badness! I’m so nervous yet excited.

I got home with March 25th on the brain and the hospital call me to change the appointment because the Surgeon/Doctor who I saw today want to do the procedure himself because he knows that my father used to be a Surgeon. He claims that there are not many perks to having a ‘Surgeon daddy,’ ( I like that he actually said ‘Daddy,’ but it does mean that I will PERSONALLY be doing the operation myself.) I LOVE IT!

Only scary fact…it’s now been moved to February 11th! JEEPERS! This morning I had no clue that I was even going into surgery for sure!

In 11 days, i’m getting a new neck! (And I like saying it like that, simply because it makes it seem frivolous and cosmetic 🙂 rather than clinic and terrifying.) I’m treating it like a face lift for something. Lol.

Apparently, the surgeon says my neck is actually tiny and almost swan-like. Oooh! Yet because i’ve got used to having this giant lump ‘meating’ it up and sticking out like i’m the Elephant Man’s bit on the side…i’ve forgotten how different my actual neck actually is, so after the surgery and once the swelling has gone down, I will look really different and well…HAVE  NEW NECK. Hurrah! It won’t feel like Frank Bruno anymore. I’ll be a swan! 🙂 He says it will actually make me look younger and that i will feel GREAT.

I’m terrified because obviously it’s not cosmetic, it’s serious surgery due to my thyroid being annoying and deciding to flare up. It’s caused a physical change, a hormonal change and a risk of cancer in me. Feb 11th…it’s getting CUT OUT and thrown away in some dodgy medical bin. I’ll be NEW with my SWAN of a GODDAMN NECK! Wahoo! (Still terrified. Can you tell?)

Anyway, hospitals have taken up all my day, so that’s all I have to report. MY folks are currently on their way back from Burma. Longest 3 weeks ever, can’t WAIT to see them. I’m well now and no longer puking.

The business plan gets written this weekend…I still have a bit of work to do on that and well dolls, handsomes…world…IT IS FRIDAY, grab that after work drink and celebrate!!

Be strong. Make life work for YOU!

(I’m currently giggling because it’s only just the end of January and I feel like I’ve been through SO MUCH already! lol)

I must have a BIG YEAR AHEAD!

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