To ‘Squirt’ or not to ‘squirt’…


Perking up a little bit now, after enjoying the absolute peace and quiet that i’ve been gifted with this fine Sunday afternoon. I must have a dead noisy family of ‘yadda-yadda’ because after my moan, i’ve completely and utterly quenched myself in ‘alone time’ harmony. My little red leopard print bullet may have helped, courtesy of Ann Summers. It weirdly put me in a great mood, when i needed to destress. Now, i’m not one to constantly reach for ‘the bullet’ when i need a moment of ‘calm down,’ but today for some reason, i did..and i actually feel amazing, Infact, so amazing that i conked out to sleep straight afterwards. However, i’m not sure if that’s down to the bullet relieving my anxiety, or me just being an oldie and needing a bit of a rest after an ‘ugh’-fest.

Keiran’s still out drinking. (His ‘couple hours’, is currently almost 5.) So, when he returns he’s ready and prepped for the ‘dog house’ and even though i’m feeling chipper, calm and refreshed from my Sunday, i’m still not going to let him get away with male ‘hoo-haa.’ Especially because, within the time that he’s been out wasting life, my good friend ‘Blond Emma’s’ boyfriend ‘Mr.Goodhall,’ has purchased a new house for them both  to live in. It has four ovens…which mean it’s an obvious delight and they have just returned from him treating her to a New Year skiing trip…with a Maldives treat coming up in 6 weeks. So, as my man is drinking with a merry bunch of  ‘no hopers,’ (who will probably never do that for their wives or girlfriends) and about to play ‘kennel sitting’…Emma’s other half is taking her out to dinner right now and buying her property!!! Hmm…? What a lucky little lady. I love it mucho mucho and i’ve very very  jealous. 😉 It’s almost as if, all my friends..including myself ofcourse…do well in life and well all of his…don’t. Yet that’s who he chooses to be around. The people who are good in your life are the people who love you and offer you hopes, dreams and show you a ladder to success with an open heart. They hope that you do well in life and try to help you get there. The people that aren’t that great are the ones who are or will end up jealous of you doing well and hand hold you into weakness, whilst stirring you away from your actual goals in life, without you even knowing. Yet are the first ones to attempt to reap your rewards from your own hard work, when you do become a success.

Anyway, weirdly before i feel asleep, i remembered this random conversation i had with sexy friend ‘Fran.’ We were chatting about men and sex on a overground train to Surrey and well she brought up the subject of ‘squirting’ and how some men think that if you’re not gushing with love juice for them during an orgasm, or *squirting* away like a circus act, then you haven’t had a good time and they haven’t serviced you appropriately. Now, as open as this is conversation is, i do think its appropriate simply because it’s happened to me lots with guys. Both Fran and I are what i call ‘subtle’ when it comes to the art of ‘ooooh-arrh-money shot.’ We’re still orgasming, yet we’re not pouring buckets of ‘pimp juice’ all over ya goolies, in lust or satisfaction. What men see in porn, is PORN. Real life is different. Porn, (which i think is a good tool for sometimes arousing a bit of ‘wink’ in the bedroom) is the edited works of sex producers. What you see in 5 minutes has probably taken hours and hours to film and then hours to edit, to sexually delight your mind, before it hits your ‘soon to be messy’ screens.  Even porn stars don’t bonk like they do in their videos. They ofcourse do the ‘ooh faces’ which pretty much everyone does and knows how to do..and the pretend ‘yeah this is so good’ explicit talk..which is their version of acting. We can all do that. But the ones who gush out the glory to an magnificent effect, don’t really do that in real life. It’s not even cum, it’s a mixture that they stir up themselves in little pots, for a decent money shot.

Anyway, the convo went on and Fran and did actually agree that the women who could *squirt* (and there are women who can,) do have a talent for it and she read that you can actually train yourself to be able to do it…like an art form. Lol. I mean, i don’t think it’s that easy, so a round of applause to them for it and if you’re wishing to join this merry band of orgasm exhitbitionists…then you can learn too….online. Fran decided not to give it a practice. It’s not a tool that she may need in life to succeed. I questioned the practiced as we reached our stop at Upper Warlingham and picked up our handbags to leave the train. I mean, i think it takes a certain type of girl to look good when *squirting* and well for me…firstly i’d find it far too comedy to be able to take it seriously and secondly, i don’t think the art of *squirting* is as sexy when you’ve had two children. It’s a whole different ball game altogether. Lord knows what would shoot out of my (to put it politely)  part of ‘lady,’ after i’ve had humans come out of it. Maybe the instructions…and an empty rum bottle. 🙂 #nicevisual

That’s how our convo ended and i notice that Fran had a clutch. I love a girl that still carries a clutch. The the most fashionable, sexy, bit of impractical-ness that a chica can have…especially if it’s in leopard print. Only a fox carries a clutch…and i find the art of it divine. (I can never carry a clutch now, since everywhere i go, i have to carry nappies, a bottle, some snacks and a couple of ‘just incase’ toys in there. I’d need 42 clutches and to hire a team of beings to carry them for me. Which truely would be money well spent.)

But yeah, apart from that, i just wanted to wish you all well and thank you for following my life. I’ve had a text that i didn’t reply to and a phone call i ignored, from Keiran. I’ll call him back in second. I never answer if he’s out with the boys and simply because his phone calls end up being pointless and he’s always either demanding or just mean. He’ll be pissed and i’ll have to deal with him, which i’m not bothered to entertain right now.

I’ve also noticed since the ‘post’ of the last blog, that as soon as i have a moan about men, or the hubby, my male fans immediately chirp in with inbox speed to offer me a shoulder to cry on, a warm heart, or a bit of smut talk, convincing me that they’re a real man and love my every soul of a being. I’m very flattered, don’t get me wrong. But i’m sure i’ll get over it…lol…we’re still in ‘fairytale’ and not on the brink of regret. However, the boys that sent me lovely messages…you are a delight to woman kind. We love that! Always. So thank you.

On a more final note, tomorrow Ruby, Keiran and I set off to our forest retreat, luxury log cabin, private getaway for a bit of peace and family harmony for a week and i can’t wait and again, after today really feel like i need it. Ruby’s face is priceless whenever she gets there. It lights up with ultimate excitement and she runs around all wiggly legged and manic with joy. It’s a satisfying mummy moment. The hot tub becomes her swimming pool and well it’s apparently meant to snow tomorrow, which won’t at all stop us from having a go in it. The snowier the better. The hot tub has evening disco lights. Lol.

I will say though, that i’ve been getting lots of messages from you saying that you too will be at Centre Parcs when we are. When i say luxury, log cabin in the forest…i don’t actually mean Centre Parcs. It’s near Sherwood forest and Centre Parcs… yes, but in the Sherwood Pines forest. So, if you’re actually doing Centre Parcs, which is great for little families…you won’t actually get to see us there, as we’re doing the ‘Forest Holiday’s’ cabins…which is a bit more private and a bit more upscale. Or ‘bouji’ as i like to say.

So hope you’ve had a great Sunday…i haven’t packed or done any housework today. It’s not like he was out at work grafting for his family, so i’m not entitled to do any of it.

Big kisses though and enjoy your Monday morning dolls. 🙂 When i wake up…i’m on holiday! Yay!




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