There’s just so much…

Happy Sunday. I never know what I’m gonna write, until I write it. So here goes…

I’ve had a chilled week off. It’s a week I needed off because i’d been working so hard. I’d also been hustlin’ and the ones of you who do it, will know that although positive, it can be exhausting. You either get somewhere or nowhere at all! However, I don’t think hitting a few brick walls is bad for you. There’s also some kinda lesson learnt and it’s thise lessons that make you!

I have an important day tomorrow. It’s kind of a ‘big day.’ It was actually meant to be much bigger. Yet for me emotionally…it’s big enough. So over the weekend I’ve insisted on just being calm and having chilled out fun with my family. (Ruby, Junior & my Mama.) We’ve been out and about in my home town (Doncaster ) just shopping, lunching, Pumpkin Carving and just keeping things simple. It’s been absolutely wonderful. Just seeing how happy the babies were melted my heart! They’re my everything! I mean, I’m certainly sure wobbling around a market place, with two giant pumpkins in my arms, in leopard print, heels and a face mask…as the babies sang and skipped around next to me, was definitely a sight for the loony bin. But it was worth it! It made us all so happy! I’ve loved my weekend and without joy you have absolutely nothing!

I’d say it’s important to me to keep things simple. I hate it when people come in and complicate everything. Or when people place drama, problems or complications ABOVE ease, solutions and well…the art of simplicity. (I look for that in all areas of my life…work, family, general living and in men. I don’t like ‘drama’ men. They go against my natural grain.)

Anyway, this week has been a funny week?

I’m not good at having time off. I find it difficult. I’ve been uncomfortable spiritually and mentally. It stresses me out.

I’m also not great at feeling like I’m not succeeding. I put a lot of pressure on myself & I shouldn’t.

Time off…for some reason makes me feel like I’m not doing well enough or trying hard enough…which isn’t at all the case? I have great balance. Right now I seem to be doing everything right. I’m good. The kids couldn’t be happier. I’m mostly happy. Lol. The career’s alright. There’s nothing for me to be exceptionally worried about? Maybe my ‘tomorrow’ is concerning me internally.

Regardless & realistically there’s nothing to stress out about.

When you are stressed out about something I believe you should feel it, as in submerge yourself in it. Say it out loud, so you can hear it too. Then you’ll definitely feel like shit for a moment…but then you’ll ACCEPT it, understand it, comes to terms with it and it’s then when you’ll start to feel better & beable to baby step forward.

I don’t know why I sometimes stress out about things? I mean doesn’t stress grow from fear? I’m not really scared of too much?

But when’s it comes to life, I believe that you get what’s meant for you. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be. There’s a whole big picture for you & you’ll understand it as you go. The things that aren’t truly yours, will NEVER be yours…and no matter how hard you try. Yet sometimes, you hardly have to try at all and just because something was MEANT for you… it materialises into your actual reality and becomes a part of your story. Almost like magic!

I’ve experienced both. That’s how I know it’s true.

I’ve had a very colourful past, which has made me worry a lot about things, because I know how uneasy life can turn out. Lol.

Yet, at the same time it has also transformed me into the most relaxed and most confident human being alive. It’s odd that it’s done both? I feel invincible sometimes because I’m a survivor and there’s nothing I can’t handle because I’ve been through so so much. ( God! I wish you could just see into my head and watch my life flash back at you. Only THEN you’d understand.)

But there’s a humility to me, that’s grounding. I’ve always been a good person. I’m raised well. Even through the shit bits, I’ve always still been a good person at heart. However, I never thought that I’d actually grow WISER as I got older. But I have!!! Haha! I’m truly astonished!!! Fair enough it took me nearly 40 years…Yet, who’s counting, I’m getting there! That’s all that matters.

Today’s actually been great! I’m ready for tomorrow! Plus, I recieved exciting emails and messages, that got me juiced!

I start filming ‘Stained Canvas’ on the 27th and can’t wait! It’s again one of those great films. As soon as I read the script, I knew! It’s written & directed by Jayne Slater & her sense of creativity, style and film making is beautiful. I’m really honoured to be part of this story. (I was kinda worried because of a potential ‘Lockdown 2,’ which is shit for those in entertainment. Yet it seems that all is well and we can go ahead with the filming. I don’t have to get a job in ‘Cyber.’ 🙂 Lol. I’m excited!)

Then I scrolled down my emails & I saw it…The email of all emails! ‘Street light’ of ‘Series of Light’ is now at final draft & cast reads are happening this month! I’m absolutely delighted! It’s all incredibly exciting! I feel so lucky to have joined the cast for the second series! I’m a huge fan of the show and well…now… I’m in it! 🙂 Gage has really done a tremendous job! There’s just something about this….I can feel it!

I’m currently laid in bed, in the dark in my kimono, writing this on my phone, which is the only light on the room. Junior’s laid asleep next to me because he can never sleep alone. Tomorrow is a big day for him also. I feel for him. It’s awful. Soon it’ll all be over and we can all live happily with the stability and joy that we deserve.

I’m meant to be doing my Q&A on my insta story right now, but I don’t know if I want to yet? Lol. I love all my questions. There’s sometimes some really great ones. But then my DM’s fill up quickly…and it fills up with men, guys, strangers, who fancy a shot at the old ‘Glamour Puss.’

I can’t go through them because there’s too many. Yet I always find it so strange when guys slide straight in with a suggestion that I ‘excite’ them, that they feel all horny and I’ve made parts of their anatomy stand to attention.

That’s not the correct way to try and win my heart. I’m not stimulated like that. I’m sensual. I’m love sex. I’m in tune with my sexuality & when I’m in a relationship ‘the bedroom’ is a place I adore.

Yet if a guy thinks a DM slide with ‘I’m horny,’ is gonna make me fall at his knees because he thinks I’m hot…then he’s stupid & it’s the sheer stupidity of such, that will turn me off.

I also don’t like it when guys read this and then think they’re smart and throw in a ‘it’s your personality I love’ line… lol. Again, I’m not that stupid. I can see through people really fast. I can tell when they’re not being themselves. I can tell when they think I’m stupid. I’m so experienced at this that I could write 94 books on it, backwards…on a donkey. Lol

I’m a romantic. A hopeless one. I love, love. I love falling in love and being loved. I get the ‘sexy’ thing. I like it. I’m flattered. But if a guy really wanted to win my heart wouldn’t they do it properly…They’d be more balanced than just ‘dick.’ I like balance.

Plus, it’s hard 😉 right now because I have a crush. The Ryan crush. There’s nothing about Ryan that I don’t like & i’ve actually had quite a lot of time to get to know him…which never usually happens. Circumstance has actually forced us to get to know each other in this particular way. But I like it! It’s not bad. I wouldn’t get to know as well otherwise.

But he’s really genuine and kind. He’s funny. He’s also wise…and i like that. I love a dollop of wisdom.

This is why I shouldn’t have a week off because I start to think about things…

It’s 23.07 UK time. In the morning…I have court.

1 thought on “There’s just so much…”

  1. Hi..i loved reading your blog..to honest , this the first time i ever been on blog..i loved living my simple.until my world came crushing down on me two yrs ago now…thank u for ur beautiful views and introducing me to ur beautiful family om tik tok..like i said..ur videos always puts a smile on my face..thank u

    Reply

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