Okay, so this exact time and date many moons ago (well not that many) i was in the Grace Kelly suite at The Hotel Bel Air, in Los Angeles as young girl, having a veil delicately placed upon me, diamond encrusted earrings passed to Me in a box, by my mother and being finally fitted into a beautifully handcrafted off white vintage wedding gown, to walk down the isle, in the swan lake gardens to the man i intended on spending the rest of my life with. October 11th, was my wedding day. To be honest we were already married before that time…we half secretly did it alone. However, this was the big one for everyone to see and applaud. It was a fairytale ‘production,’ a ‘show’ as i like to call it. We did the big one for everyone else. And yeah it was AMAZING. Any young girls dream wedding. I mean we had flown people in from all over the world, to one of the most prestigeous venues in the world.
I remember walking up the isle and even though we were already married, as i got up there to him, he had tears in his eyes like i was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Infact he did cry. I cried at the little wedding we had had previous. It meant more to me, then ‘the show.’
Every time this day comes around (Oct 11th) i spend the evening in tears, remembering how it was. The only year i didn’t was last year, but that’s because i was in a house, entertaining, with cameras following my every move. But the year before that i was on a balcony in Hollywood weeping. (lol..ever so dramatic.) I wonder whether he ever thinks about it all on this date to?? It’s weird? I’ve already had my little cry, well big cry. And it didn’t help that i’m in a place in life, where i really don’t believe i’ll ever find the man of my dreams. A man who truely loves me and wants to be with me for the long haul. All the guys just end up not wanting to be in a relationship at all. I don’t like that. I want to build with someone.
Our wedding day was bizarre, because even though it looked magical. Mikey got really drunk, so drunk that i found him NAKED in a bush, in public viewing, as people who weren’t at our wedding, but were dining at the hotel could see him. He had nothing on AT ALL except a fedora, (1920’s Gangster hat) and a pair of pulled up Guiness socks. NOTHING else. I had to trundle in through all the people, in a ginormous Princess wedding gown, with a fan, and my hair all balanced perfectly on top of my head, like i was Queen of the World, and attempt to lift him out of the bush and drag him, to the Grace Kelly suite, where we were staying. I couldn’t hold his body weight, and he was merrily drunk and swearing…falling all over the place. LMAO
I threw him on the bed, and after drunken ‘made no sense’ banter…he passed out COLD…as i got into my PJ’s and tucked myself in..now as a wife. We didn’t even have sex. Grace Kelly slept in that room. We made it’s history a bit more Rock n roll.
Anyway, that’s over with now. It’s Oct 11th, so i can have a jolly big cry and a big meaty period. I’m terrified of giving my heart away so easily now, because it keeps getting hurt. Like ‘Lashes’ just hurt it a wee bit of a dandy ago and i feel silly for letting him. But i do, and i wouldn’t have me any other way. I’m a good soul…
I’ll never find him will i?