Morning! So, around this time of year in LA, everyone will shortly be sitting around a table, chewing on turkey and feeling very thankful for life, good times, their drug dealer and their loved ones. There’s that saying that ‘everyone in LA, is from somewhere else,’ so the town goes McDead, as all the Angelenos get ready to travel back home for what they like to call… ‘Thanks-Giving!!’ (A tumble weed of tinsel, flies through the empty streets…)
For most people in America, this is a joyful time, but for the people of Hollywood it’s really quite panicky! Infact, no f*** that, it’s insane! It’s a crucial time where everyone has basically ONE week (or less) to grow some muscles, slim right down, eat zero carbs, do 30 min sessions on the tanning bed at a time, get their hair did, go back to the tanning bed, hit the gym one more time, go see a life coach, maybe get highlights, call their agent, check their tan, get their stories straight and lose a little bit more weight. This is usually followed up by a couple new wardrobe additions that scream ‘I LIVE in HOLLYWOOD, so i’m COOL’ and an attitude of ‘Va Voooooooom,’ with pictures! I’ve seen it happen! It’s Delicious! I’ve done it too, but never at ‘Thanks-Giving’ (i’m British, ‘Thanks-Giving’ sucks)..the above paragraph is basically my every day life!! (hahahahaha…Loser!)
It’s actually hilarious, and vital as nobody wants to go back home to ‘small town’ (where they are Heros) looking like they haven’t yet ‘Made it’ in the ‘Big Town’ (where they are waiters.) They have to make out like they’re having the best time ever, partying with someone from ‘The Hills,’ living it large, bonking a Pussy Cat Doll!! Plus, the tan is ESSENTIAL, as you always have to go on about how terribly sunny it is 24/7, or how you live right by the beach (even though you’ve never been in 5 years) and under no circumstances do you ever let on that you’re really a table wiper, who’s picked up a mild cocaine habit, having to ‘get on all fours’ for rent and hadn’t had an audition in a bloody long ass year. I think you just and quite cockily, with a warm loving smile lie and say, ‘Yeah, the actings going GREAT! I’ve got a couple big things lined up. I’m working with (‘insert any big name’ !!)’ Hahahahah! Greatness!
And that my Darlings, is the Thanks-Giving McFumble!! Smoke and Mirrors baby! I LOVE it! Turkey day Rocks!