Okay Girls! If you wanna be part of ‘Wunna Land’ and you should because i hear she’s a legend..under no circumstances must you lose your ‘swiggedy swagger.’ I cannot stress the importance of the ‘Cool Like Fonzee,’ the ‘Captain Jack Sparrowing’ shit, the wiggle in your walk. It is vital to any Wunnarette! So about on hour ago, i almost nearly (but did not really) lost my ‘Va voomage’ to a Boy who via my pink blackberry decided he was going to ‘talk the talk,’ whilst asking me out on a date, yet at the same time make sure i kind of knew he was a little bit better than me!
Okay, this Boy is very successful boy, a very famous boy and a very sexy boy. He one of the best at what he does and well he bloody well knows it. Girls! If you ever meet a man who ticks all of the above boxes..DO NOT fall under the misconception that he is BETTER than you. Even if he quite cleverly without you even noticing makes you feel a little less important. It’s always decorated with a delicious amount of charm. I’m only saying this because when i was a great deal younger. I would believe that because a dude was Famous, he was automatically ‘better’ than my dear self and because i was striving for a piece of ‘look at me,’ i figured i would fill my void with such a boy, not realizing that i could quite easily create something quite marvellous myself, without him being in my life. I went on to do so…and i’ve never been happier!! Do not use someone else up. It doesn’t work. (Unless ofcourse you trick him into getting you pregnant! Lol)
Anyway, already this boy (note: that i haven’t even been on my date with him yet ) has told me all these things that I should probably think about giving up, if we were together!! Nice try Mister!! I’m wild, and free spirited. I stand on tables, and enjoy fruity cocktails. I scream and prance, i flirt and dance. I fly to the moon on buzzes of happiness and gallop through fields of ‘ooh laa’ and Greatness. I purr, i tan and i wink at dashing suitors…whilst painting my history the colour of rainbow. What i don’t fucking do is stay at home and scrub anyones sweaty gussets! Or listen to any man who has better ideas on how i should live my life. I’ve had a past of changing myself for boys and in the end all that happens is an explosion of madness, due to sheer bordeom. Or actually, the other end of the spectrum, where i’m like ‘oooh no…that’s too crazy whoppedy’ for Me! You might as well, cut out my throbbing heart and feed it to horny apes and even that sounds 85% more appealing than scrubbing manky gussets. Ugh! He kept going on about how he was Catholic (i refrained from delving into my choir boy/priesthood file of fun) and that i should wear at least 10 more layers of clothes. (Erm…honey that’s slagginess not religion.) I’m fucking Buddhist and well Buddhists don’t like people who are shit in bed, or people who order other bitches around!! (Since we’re making up our own rules and stuff.)
Luckily, whilst i was mid ‘losing my swagger’ and tumbling down the hill of all losers. One of my soldiers, that i have to keep me in line (Wazza) reminded me of my level of sheer Greatness and with one fail slap of action…i felt the grit under my feet, the air on my face and remembered who I fucking was!!! It takes 3 seconds and a whole shimmie shake to get your Va Voom back in check. Do it! It’s essential to being a girl! Confidence and strength is what makes us sexy. Chicks were born to give boys fever…once you lay it down hard, they can’t help but be addicted to you.
Fyi/ I’m still going on that date. (Hahahah) Dinner is dinner! A girls godda eat! (She winks) I’ll never learn.