The Power of the Pineapple bacardi breezer is almost retarded! I feel sooo good, after one tiny sip, that i could wave my knick knacks and say the Lords prayer. It’s so ghetto fabulous, and it’s excatly what i’m going for tonight. I’m so sick of the ‘ponce,’ i just want some normal trashy ‘ooh laa,’ in my life. Infact, i just got done jumping up and down on my hotel bed, to ‘Love Fool’ during my ‘party for one’ for no other reason than ‘Bacardi’-of the Pineapple breezer variety. It reminds me of being a fucking drunk floozy at 17! Life is good! I love Thursdays!!! I think it’s made my boobs grow too. (winky wink)
So after checking into my hotel, i trotted off to the petrol station (looking like i was maybe going to The Grammy’s’)…to grab things to aid me with my pre-party prep. I ended up opting for the ‘fuck that’ option and simply scooping up armfuls of crap girly booze. I flirted with Breezers, Smirnof ices, wine, water..(How Jesus of me,) cigarettes, a packet of crisps and a bottle opener. (HAHAHA.) I kinda missed such essentials like ‘food’ and well i guess just food, right? Oh and gum.
I struggled up to the cashier, with more bottles than i my weedy little arms and legs could carry…in my fur (coat, not vagina) then plonked them all down, like a delicious glassy teenage heaven. Unfortunately, i then got seriously hard core ID’ed. (Ugh!) And ofcourse I had left my ID (and my virginity) in a hotel room. Soooo THEN had to quiet embarassingly totter back over to the hotel all aloof, in heels, (looking like i can’t afford my own booze) grab it, prove that i was of a somewhat legal drinking age and run as fast as i could out of there…Again unfortunately, i managed to drop 2 bottles, that smashed, because I was recieving disgusting text messages from perverts, who like girls that have homeless ladies vaginas, and metal horns through their nostrils. Only to have a woman of God, help pick up the other shit i dropped and calmly tell me, (with her gentle hand on my shoulder) that ‘God was with me.’ I think she just wanted a ciggy? Or a bi-sexual encounter, in a petrol station. I mean, i’m a slag, but come on at least take the sexy time out behind the garage.
Anyway, i’m so excited for tonight. I’m gonna be watching the Episode 6 of the show, at Samuel’s after we’ve had rampant sexual intercourse. (The dirty kind, with strap ons) and then i’m going to wink, adjust my tittage and embrace the World head on…(which is code for ‘DRUNK.’ U fat F******* bitches! HAHAHAH! Love you!)