The Awkward Exchange


Okay, so…great day in Doncaster yesterday. However, let me tell you, there really were and I don’t even mean this awfully, yet as always it sort of falls out my mouth in the most terrible of fashions…there really really were the oddest looking people in town that fine sunny day. Spring is here folks. So in the name of rebirth and all that nipple jiggle, you really should be presenting yourself at your best.

Now, i’m vain, we get that and I don’t ever deny it, nor do I state that it is a manner of greatness. Yet HOLY SHIT GUYS, there is taking the slob look too far and then walking it to the hellish doors of ‘ewwww.’ I was in the food court, trying to swallow down noodles and well as i looked around me it was like a crazy horse freak show of madness. There people who smelt like WEE, others who hadn’t bothered to wash, or wear clean clothes, some that just STANK of boy and others who had just now even remotely attempted to groom in the slightest. There were flaky scalps, snotty noses and dirty faces, everywhere and I was just in shock. I looked at Rubes, like she was my wingman and just said, ‘Babe, Mama’s not in Hollywood anymore.’ I mean JESUS…you can’t go out like that. I believe it is important for one to present themselves in the best manner possible…even if you feel like shit. I mean, there’s a line and yesterday the good folk of Doncaster crossed it. Saying that, they made my preggo arse feel like jolly old Miss.World, meaning it was extremely good for my tragic ego. So, I do thank you for that. I felt *sizzle’ hot. SMOKING HOT. Like a doll. In my mind, Spring is here and I don’t want to now listen to decent folk complaining that they’re not adored, they’re not finding the right work, their lives are miserable and everything’s falling apart. GET A WASH, A GROOM and pull yourself together. A bit of swagger didn’t hurt anyone and I don’t mean all not drench yourself in fake tan and eyelashes and leopard print heels galore. That’s just me. 🙂 I mean, TRY and scrub up a little. I was astounded by what surrounded me. In LA…this would NEVER EVER have happened. My judgmental rant is now over. Yet it needed to be said. I mean the girl that smelt of WEE. Come on now.

Today, i’ve decided to not let anything get me down. Right now with only a few weeks left to the birth of my second child, I am  hormonal mess and I can even feel my moods swinging. I’m finding it impossible to control and well it isn’t healthy for anyone. I want to be back to the chipper, happy me. Not the crazy Asian version of me. I just can’t seem to help it and it’s so frustrating. I’ll swing from mood to mood within seconds and all due to a distinct lack of patience. It’s all down to pregnancy and it’s really not fun anymore. It’s hilarious because I keep trundling off to a dark place, with a grumbly face on, moaning about life, things and love. I’ve been like a goblin in a cave of destruction. I’ve honestly been  thinking and feeling the worse sort of things and I mean really dreadful things…just because i’m preggo-moody. It’s not good, it’s not me and I need to dip my sorry self in glitter. When something else controls you,like your hormones, drugs, booze, or a person…you need to be very careful about how you’re acting when you are on or around them, because it isn’t really you, it is something else that is possessing you and making you be the way you are and think the way you think. It’s not healthy because people can get hurt.

So yeah, today i’m looking on the positive side of life. I mean, I have a two year old who is a MADAM right now. It is tantrum, bossy central with Ruby and well I can’t really blame her as she is being raised by Keiran and I, who are both feisty, sharp edged swords. It gets quite a lot to handle and well when you’re pregnant, it isn’t that fun. BUT on the bright side….last night after the tantrum I got to do the most amazing thing with my little daughter and that was for the FIRST TIME EVER, watch the Disney movie ‘Cinderella’ with her, on her portable DVD, as we cuddle din the dark, in bed, under blankets. Its doesn’t get better than that, as that will be a tale that she will refer to and remember forever. A ‘dreams come true’ kinda fairytale, that I shared with her.

She adored it and her eyes were glued to the screen and it was just amazing to have that fairytale moment with her. It’s a classic moment when you first watch ‘Cinderella’ with your Mum. (Well I had to watch it with my Nanny, as my mum was working her Doctor arse off. Yet it was always a bedtime story that my father shared with me.) It made me feel all lovely and it made me realize what was important in life. So what, she tantrums. Last night, I introduced her to her first ever dollop of ‘dreams can come true,’ Princess style. A massive moment. I loved it. She kissed me and told me she loved me than began grabbing my weave and trying to yank it put of my hair madly in a huff because i wouldn’t let her watch it again, due to it then being bedtime. I guess weaves aren’t hot unless they’re being yanked out of your hair. Mine’s especially attractive because it even has the occasional snail trail of snot running through it. I’m that sexy now that i’m a mum. I’m sure M.I.L.F’s don’t strut around with boogies attached to their hair. I mean there’s me hating on the scruffy people in my opening paragraph and here I am with breakfast, candy and snot in my hairpiece, like a fricking lunatic.

I need a gin.

How your life pans out, is simply how you think and feel. It dictates what you attract to yourself in life and will determine the results that you gain. I’ve been quite negative over the past few weeks because i’ve found pregnancy annoying. Yet now i’m on shift mode and pretty much because I HAVE TO FEEL LIKE ME AGAIN. I feel lucky. I feel happy. I have a great future ahead of me and i’ve been really blessed in life.

Last night Keiran held my hand and said ‘I really love you. I’m really proud that you’re my wife.’ It meant a lot to me, even though i just quietly uttered a ‘thank you.’ The last 7 months..well i’m going into my 8th month of preggoness right now, has been a really difficult time for me emotionally. It was shock to us both and well it really took a toll on us. I want my life to be the greta way it always has and i’ve taken a break but now i’m ready to rocket it back up the ladder to greatness…where I was. I have everything I ever wanted, so there’s no reason for me to stop making my dreams come true.

I guess what i’m saying is to not let the mundane bits of life get the better of you negatively and instead shake them off and look for your rosy tinted Dior’s. 🙂

It makes a difference. A big difference. And it actually takes MORE strength to be able to stay positive, than it does to surrender to the negative.

Today Keiran’s off playing golf. Ruby (who fell out the patio door today) has just gone to Pete’s. (It was awkward today because he didn’t look me in the eye. He never could when we first broke up and well even though we keep things highly amicable for Baby Ruby because we’re not idiots and we do have a mutual respect for one another, I couldn’t help but notice today that when I opened the glass door the first thing his eyes shot to was my *bump.* It did an awkward face and then from that point couldn’t look me in the eye, as i waved ‘bye bye’ to Ruby and he strapped her in her ‘Hello Kitty’ tricycle-buggy thing.

It weirdly made me feel odd because it must be really hard for him. Sometimes, i think i’ve been such a hideous person in life to men. Yet, I’ve always followed my heart. It’s difficult because you meet certain people in your life, at certain times, after certain experiences and well it can affect your choices and your manner.

Unlike ever before, when I met Keiran (and yeah it’s not always been easy) i just KNEW that he was the one that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life wit and it’s really hard to explain to anyone that hasn’t yet experienced it. I truly now believe that there really IS that ONE person you are fated to be with and well he is my destined partner. We’re the same. We’re just…

I don’t  even know why i’m going on about this because I don’t  need to justify my new pregnancy and love for my husband simply because i may have made my ex partner feel awkward.

Life is life. Take what it throws at you. Love the ones you’re meant to love. Live it and make your dreams come true.

I did and i’m still doing so! So today, i’m sending my love.

Thank you SO much for following my life.

I’m off to lunch with my Mum now.

Kisses. x

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