Morning all. I had a delicious lie in today and an even more delicious ‘moment’ to myself. But then i got rudely snapped back to reality, by an evil stream of ever-going text messages from friends stating that I was extremely GAY for not wanting to get drunk with them tonight. I’ve got a lot on right now, and if you want to do well in life…you’ve got to well…work harder. I’ve been out loads. Yet now because they nagged me & name called i’m like ‘Ugh, i can’t be arsed.’ (lol.) Then as i’m going through all the things that i have to complete today. I have deadline galore. I get a call from ‘Latin lover’ who basically wanted me to sympathize with him for no real reason & tried to guilt trip me into loving him. I hate that. When i’m on work mode, I’m on work mode and i’m completely immune to the art of the ‘guilt trip.’ I think i just grumbled, yelled a bit and then hung up. Why does nobody understand that i’ve got a lot on?? It’s like you get nagged at and ridiculed for actually wanting to do what you want. I’m far to sober to appreciate the ‘pokey-prod-nag-nag’ marlarky right now.
Okay big thing today. I was talking to a friend last night who believes that life has been really shit to him and made him feel like living another day of it, would be almost pointless. (Pass the razors!!) I’m the kinda girl that has always done lots, done everything, been everywhere, loved life, experienced the best of it, dandily. And well it’s because i’ve always done exactly want i WANTED in life. I’ve never listenned to ANYONE, not even my own Mother. EVER!! Now she knows to not bug me. I mean she couldn’t stop me as a child from doing what I Knew was right for Me and NO-ONE CAN. No-one has the right to tell you how to be. Infact it’s important to discover life on your own. I believe that’s why i’m happy because i know that i’m lucky to have strength, to search for my own answers. I Know that I could die tomorrow, and gleefully rest with the amazing life i’ve lived. Everything i’ve ever wanted to do, i’ve done and that’s NOT because i’ve just been dealt good cards ( and i get that i have, before you all start)…it’s because i’ve always chose and done whatever i’ve believed was right for ME, (and yeah people have had a go…but it kinda worked out) regardless as to what anyone thought. Doing what you want….makes you happy, which makes you a successful human being. Nothing is out of reach. Do not let others, smother you. Or be scared of how they will react. Do not let fear control you. It’s WRONG!! Fear is not ‘love’ and you need ‘love’ to be happy with choices in this life. I don’t know how your not getting this?? But i’m slowly beginning to see how people are actually living…and it upsets me. I’m so annoyed.
It doesn’t matter if you want to run around the streets naked, be a lawyer, be a drunk, poke a prostitute, have a forbidden love, deliver the milk, spank a monkey, tickle a midget, be a cowboy, the President or a fucking banker!!! No matter what it is…if it makes you happy & you want it to be part of YOUR story…. DO IT!!! Who cares what anyone thinks?? They do not have the rights to your life. I’ve walked so many different paths in life, by choice, for fun. Lived so many different lives carelessly, fearlessly and happily. And LOVED every second. If you are not happy, (and this is harsh) it’s your own fault. Flip a bitch. Change it!!!
You really have to make Life something you love, or you’ll spend the rest of it wondering why your ’empty’…or have a constant unfilled void, a sense of loss, or longing. If you are stuck in a job you hate…fucking LEAVE it. If you love a person you shouldn’t…fuck it.. LOVE them. If you feel smothered, and powerless. LEAVE and find who YOU are. If there’s a dream you need to make come true… DO IT. It will happen if you are happy. If you want to feel free…make this world your playground. I didn’t understand how many of you were merely existing instead of living. I really didn’t, even some of my closest friends. I honestly thought everyone always did whatever they wanted. I was raised like that. But it really seems not. People are doing things they neever wanted to do. Things they’re not remotely happy with. They’re in ruts and stuck. Or having to still listen to Mum. I’ve have people come to me and say they ‘envy my existance’ (My life) EVERYDAY. I never knew why?? But now i’m starting to get it…(as i really open my eyes)
I have the life I have.. because I made it this way. I chose it. I was never scared of making a choice and was always pretty ballsy. I’ve run my life flawlessly, really commanded my ship and enjoyed every second of it, with a cocktail and a demon dance move. I’ve loved, i’ve lived, i’ve laughed because i’ve always done what MADE me HAPPY. Dreams come true, but you have to have the ‘spark’ to make that leap of faith. I inspire that in people and that’s why i want to meet you all. Take your hand and guide you through it, with me. We all need help and i’m great and helping people discover happiness. Like i said to my friend last night. I’m really happy with how i’m living and in a way i think i’m in a position to give back and help you guys live the life you want. Make you happy. It will change your life.
Anything can happen. You can DO anything. When i was a little girl, i told my Mother ‘That’s it i’m moving to Hollywood.’ And I did…immediately, with nothing but a dream and a suitcase. I decided i was gonna go to a performing arts school over there…I did. I wanted to marry a movie star (young dream lol) I FUCKING DID!! I attracted it to myself because i was genuinely happy. I wanted to write a book…I AM. I wanted to get through the auditions of the ‘Hilton show’…i did and knew i would. It’s all about confidence, self belief and trusting your gut instinct. My GUT instinct is phemnominally powerful. I always KNOW what i want and what’s right without fear of anything or anyone. And that makes me powerful. It makes me sizzle.
I really need you all to muscle up and live the lives you’ve always wanted to. Don’t be scared. I hate that. Love who you want. Choose your life. Don’t listen to others, even your family doesn’t even really know best. Only YOU know YOU. People can’t tell you how you are, or how you should be. But it’s always the ones that break free and live that MAKE IT through the haze.