Summer, Tears & Beer Gardens…

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‘Why are you getting changed whilst we’re walking? You look straggly.’

‘I’m using time wisely. Lol. Keep walking. Why is everything stressy? I’m taking my arms out the dress, to even out my tan!! Where is this place? We’ve got 12 minutes to get there…’

Sassy Latina Marissa has spent her morning keeping me on time, as I venture from place to place convincing folk that Wunna Land, is the place to be! I’m SO stressed, I could explode into glitter fire. It’s one of THOSE days, where you need to look great, but look 2nd rate, where to need to be on time, but you’re running a step too late. If i want to get changed on the street, mid strut…

I FLIPPIN’ WILL.

Watch me now….

(And now i’m getting whatsapp’s from the School Mum’s group, because of a ‘Big String thing’ that I didn’t know was happening? Lol )

If you see me today, at any point feel free to just come up and KICK ME. I’ll probably like you more if you bring me booze, but if you don’t, a kick is just fine.

I NEED TO PULL MYSELF TOGETHER.

But before I get into today…let me take you back to Tuesday, where life felt so much easier…

(I hate that i’ve run out of foundation. Remind me to get some.)

Right, so Tuesday was about a magical mystery tour and after errand, on top of errand, Golfer Jonny and KatyP picked my sorry (but glammy) arse up from Ego, in Ackworth, celebrated life with a ‘shall we just grab a quick drink’ and after that little ‘swifty,’ we then *swoosh* our way to The Carlton to pick ‘Ginger Brad’ up. (He works with KatyP.)

I get on with ‘Ginger Brad.’ I find him really funny. But ‘Ginger Brad‘ doesn’t want me to call him ‘Ginger Brad’ because he thinks Wunna Land is all about his little Gingery self.

‘You can’t make Asian girl jokes, when ya Ginger… We’re meant to be a team. We’re the minorities. Lol.’

Basically, he has a mini Ginger beard…and I think referring to him as ‘Ginger Brad‘ is quite appropriate. Do you? Thought so..

We found him at the bar…

‘As if you’re late, because you picked the ******* queen up… I nearly walked there…’

..then in the sun, we enjoyed another swift drink, around shirtless men, in diggers. Before leaving to our next ‘magical’ stop…The Rustics…Lol…I like to go there at times, because I find it peaceful. Plus, we just didn’t fancy any Tuesday afternoon drama. (And drama tends to follow me these days, like…I dunno? Toyboys? 🙂 I’m like the Pied Piper of the Toyboy Town.)

Yippppeeeee!

At this point, everything felt so sensible. It felt warm and pleasant, like a delicious cherry pie. I hadn’t posted all day. We’re finding the right kinda of shade, the suns out, we’re discussing swear words, relationships, we’re making polite pleasant banter about dumplings, business plans, footballing brothers, bedroom olympics, how orgasms cure ankles and the beautiful art of ‘fisting.’ Sun scream is squirted. My sunglasses are fixed. Then Golfer Jonny and KatyP, get all cuddly by juicy pints of Carling…

THEN I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED….?

I guess, I can say, we just hit the top of the happiest slippery slope in all of the land…Disney couldn’t have created a better ride.

JUST LIKE THATBOOM! I film my first Insta Story of the day (no one’s shy about it now, so it makes everything easier) and with a..

*BLINK*

(…as as the ‘life volume‘ turns itself up to 10…)

…Kate and I found ourselves shoulder rolling and singing to The Backstreet boys, decorated in Snapchat filters and as ‘Ginger Brad’ fiddled with Golfer Jonny’s buttons.

Brad: ‘I hit the wrong thing, but it kinda worked out.’

[Hit Play. Sing Along.]

Ginger Brad’s the new bantery edition to ‘Team Beer’ (which has been created by ‘KatyP’ and the name of our little Whatsapp group.) ‘The Ginge’ has stepped in with full force. But he’s fun and I like fun…and he’s having a ‘Golfer Jonny’ bromance. So ‘Team Beer’ it is!

Wahey! Let’s play!

Backstreet Boy shoulder rolls. Followed by Aerosmith love songs. We’re happy drunks, so we’ll have a tipple or 10 and commit to songs of romance. Kate and I have beautiful voices. If you put Aerosmith, a football match, Alvin & The Chipmunks, the XFactor bloopers and UTTER excitement (lol) into jiggly bag…YOU would have an idea of what our back seat performance was like.

I don’t know how we fitted it all in, because the ride was literally only around five minutes or so?

It got so intense that the boys started kissing each other lovingly…to this…

Well Golfer Jonny, went in for the kiss (it was a cheek peck before you all start) and ‘Ginger Brad’ tried to style it out, because he’s such a lady. Lol

We’re not all sat in a car park, INSIDE A STATIONARY VEHICLE, with people glaring in from other cars. We have a love song are playing on full blast…We’re SINGING AT THE TOP OF OUR GODDAMN VOICES. The boys are cuddling and shit….Kate & I are pissing ourselves, as i’m filming it all for my Insta story.

Then all of a sudden I snapped out of it…looked around, hit my mental *pause* button, and as I flung my car door open, with a giggle…I moved us along with a…

‘Right, i’ve had enough of this now…’

The rest of the afternoon was enjoyed in the sunshine. We chatted life. We committed to laughter. We tippled and tinkered like the world was our oyster. (I can’t even remember what we were talking about? But at the time it seemed really interesting? Lol)

Then Kate switched our drink to wine…and I don’t know what happened exactly, I just know that ‘Golfer Jonny’ brought up a story…Which turned into tears, mini bickers, daggers, hand holding and all sorts of that good stuff.

I mean as if Kate and I were sat at a table crying. Haha. You know it’s a good time when that happens.

So, a situation was brought up…(one of those situations that you only bring up when you’re drunk.) We all get on really well, but we’re all really different. We all have different opinions on this particular subject…(haha, sorry, i can’t type because i’m finding it too funny..as if we cried.) We’re all really good at VOICING our opinions, standing our ground and then panicking when it goes tits up. We’re all trying to get our point across…

So, I’m shouting at Kate, then cuddling her. Then 3 minutes later, i’m shouting at her again, then cuddling her. Brad’s eating Nachos and watching the show, whilst ‘hand holding.’ Golfer Jonny’s accidentally saying all the wrong things, at all the right times. Kate’s shouting at me, because I make everything about ME. (Which is true.) The boys are panicking. Kate and I are now cuddling and crying. Jonny’s disappeared at some point and returned with a bottle of wine in his hand…

(It was great because in this moment, I saw how each one of us tries to solve a solution…)

Jonny went with ‘buy Kate wine.’ I went with say my piece, cry and cuddle. To be honest, Jonny & I were really rubbish at consoling her.  Haha. He thought changing tables would make it better and it did, because it got us out the way.

So we tinker off and sit on the table next to us, as Nacho eating Brad, actually went in as the ultimate problem solver and CALMED the ENTIRE situation down, with some deep ass, LIFE TALK.

(Haha, sorry i’ve made ‘deep ass‘ sound like he did something completely different. HAHAHAHA. I should’ve said ‘heart felt.’) 

And just like that they come and sit at the new table. Sanity is restored. We’re all tipsy, exhausted but happy….We all blamed the sun. Kate and Jonny tinker home. I get picked up and hit the sack. Brad walks home and drinks and entire bottle of Baileys. 🙂

The following day, we created ‘Team Beer’ and just quietly sat at a corner table, with the occasional glass of water, glaring at each other like wounded soldiers, laughing about the day before, yet sitting quietly as men roamed around us on diggers.

I’m kinda looking forward to the END of Summer. Lol. When do we get to do ‘jumpers & dumplings’ and not turn *wackadoo* because we’ve had a wine in the sun?

I can’t cope with Summer 2018. It’s too much ‘good time‘ for me to handle. You can’t put great friends, heatwaves, football, Love Island and all day beer gardens into ONE LITTLE SUMMER and survive it unscathed.

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Life, Love & Sports Day

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Morning! Morning! I hope you’re all well. Thank you so much for taking the time to click into Wunna Land. I appreciate it madly. It makes a little oriental chick, from Yorkshire smile. When you make someone smile, they say it comes back to you threefold..with love. (Sometimes, it comes back to you via gin. Either way…you’re looking at a bonus.) 

Over the last couple days, i’ve been pretty stressed. Just wallowing around in it for attention. Lol.  I could hand pity parties out of my pocket right now. 🙂  I’ve laid awake in bed, staring at my ceiling at 2am, because that solves everything, doesn’t it. 😉 I’ve downloaded a meditation app, (the ‘Breethe’ app…) which I do actually think is great. I’m quite a spiritual little swine. (I’m not ‘hippie/save the trees‘ with it though. Just in tune with my tender kitten soul… and all that.) I have quite a busy mind and it needs to be calmed. Maybe that’s why i enjoy a good drink. It quietens the mind madness for a while….well, before I start drunk messaging. 😉

If i’m being honest, I’ve been feeling under pressure because of this book i’ve got to write. My fear of writing this book is so immense that i’m kinda letting everything bundle on top of me, which is an odd way for me to deal with the situation, as I really don’t like the art of bundling. It’s clumsy. I’m sharp. Why am I buffooning about?

But away from that…(as she pretends it’s not happening..)

Yesterday I learnt how precious LIFE is. How important LOVE is. How vital it is to make sure all the people you care about, all the people you love, all the people you forgot to show love to KNOW, HOW MUCH they mean to you.

Life’s really short and within a *blink* it whizzes past you, or even worse get’s taken away from you, without your consent. Basically, if the only problem I have, is the fact that i’m stressing over writing some book, then on the whole i’m pretty lucky lady. I need to pull myself together. I’m being a baby.

Let’s frisbee back to positive…

Life’s pretty great at the moment. I’m happy. I’m not skin to the wind ‘buzzing,‘ but i’m certainly grateful and filled with ‘ooh laa.’ I feel pretty strong and even though I seem to have prioritized work over my social life, I’ve prioritized my family, as in the babies, over everything right now and it’s made me feel really powerful.

I love to keep things simple and loving unconditionally is the easiest thing in the world to me. When I operate in such a way, i’m magic.

Wednesday was great. The kids had Sports Day and I got to catch up with the school mums. (We’re all busy women, who hardly ever get to check in with each other and they’re such a lovely bunch, so it’s always really awesome.) Our kids go to a local Private school in West Yorkshire. I never used to be able to show up to things like Sports Day, or any of the school ‘dilly dallies,‘ due to work.

Yet now, I can. I now never EVER miss anything they do, at all…EVER!!! It means so much to me. More importantly it means SO much to them.

It makes my entire world go around.

Unfortunately, I showed up with some dodgy giant umbrella…It was the size of my entire body…and blue. Urgh! (I don’t like blue, it’s my least favourite colour. My favourite colour is yellow. I like a yellow rose.)

Anyway, when anyone lends me an umbrella, they can never give me a normal flipping shot at life…The last umbrella I borrowed had giant happy PIGS on it and no one can *BOSS* that out, even when the pigs look moderately chipper.

It was the sunniest, most humid day ever. Didn’t even rain. Lol. Don’t know why I thought it was gonna rain, must be the optimist in me? 😉 Luckily, ‘Miss Murphy‘ showed up with a dense floral blanket, which kinda lightened the blow..

Miss.Murphy: ‘I think i’ve illegally parked, in front of some gates??’

Me: ‘It’ll be ‘right.. Lol.’

We rocked up, everyone was already there and well I thought we were moderately organised…

Me: ‘We’re fine, between us we have a giant umbrella, a floral blanket and a faux fur..’

(What more could you need in life?) 

The other Mums had brought things like…. fold up chairs, happy faces, husbands, snacks… and ‘Bobby’ (who had spent the morning filming ‘Victoria’) even brought a flipping POP UP TENT, like we were at Creamfields!

Bobby: ‘Get in it then..’

Me: ‘Nah…You’re alright. Lol.’

She’s a nutter, but I love her. She makes my eyes smile. She’s ACE. I think she may have asked to lick ice creams and told lonely fathers that she was spending the rest of the day…nude.

(I’d never seen a gentleman beam as much.)

The day was great. It was just filled with that good old, real life excitement. I mean, Miss Murphy, Bobby and I may have brought the worse accessories, between us. However our *yells* of competitive encouragement , surely made our style misfortunes, okay?

Let’s just say we weren’t about the ‘taking part‘ and all about THE WIN. Hahaha. (Which is fine if you’re ‘Murphy’ and you’ve birthed some five year old sporting champion. Junior spent the day holding his teachers hand and making her run races with him.) 

Mumma P: ‘To make the Wunna Babies TRY to win anything, you have to have a modelling contract, gifts, or a selfie opportunity at the finish line, so they can at least make it worth their while. Lol’

Me: ‘Yeah..Lol. Ruby did ask me what she would get if she won the races and when I said house points for your team, she just looked at me like I was an idiot. Haha.’ 

BBQ’s, Ice creams and good clean fun occurred and you need spurts of good clean fun, don’t you? I’m kinda loving life right now. I’m feeling all grown up. I’m no longer selling myself short. I’ve got my career on track and I’m chipper.

If you’ve been following any of my ‘socials,’ you’ll know that I received a bunch of messages the other day, from a couple of beings who kept branding me as ‘fake.’ 

I’m polite. But I’m not fake. I get why you may think that though. Yet, let me tells you… I’m literally the warmest little piece of Burmese bunkin’ you’ll ever really run into. It’s only because you haven’t had the delightful pleasure of meeting me in person. 🙂 If you did know me personally, you’d go with ‘immature.’ 😉  You might even add in a ‘beautiful.’ 😉

My chick friends go with ‘dickhead.’ Firmonnell (who is one of my closest chick friends,) called me a ‘dickhead’ at least 9 times in the space of 4 messages yesterday. She had a needy Thursday. 🙂 I love her. I love it when she’s mad at me. Nothing pleases me more. And she can’t just shout at me once, she has to Snapchat Filter shout at me, 40 times in a row and I just can’t take it seriously…All I do is piss myself laughing…which winds her up more.

Then I bumped into ‘Hustle,’ who needed a wee at ‘Ego.’ She walked past me, whilst telling me that her love life was shit and her last date ‘pied her off’ after stealing money out her purse. To make it even better…She actually saw him again and went on another date. I love that about ‘Hustle’ like me, she’s resilient. (Code for: Were both so, so foolish.)

Oh wait? No. He didn’t pie her off. The ‘Date in the woods’ dude, did? (Hahaha…and she’s gonna kill me for saying this…) But she thinks he didn’t want to speak to her again, because she may have accidentally pooed her pants. Lol.

HAHAHAHAHA. I’M DYING. That’s disgusting. Lol.

I love how she wonders why he stopped messaging? It’s only funny because she’s so beautiful. I’m so delighted she may have excreted in her own jeans.

We always get pied.

With me, I’m a ‘grower.’ I’m someone who may catch your eye initially…Then you’ll judge me and decide to not like me…..Then you’ll have a little think, date far less awesome chicks and realize i’m actually the girl of ya dreams. 😉

God! How long was this blog? Lol. Sorry!

Chrissie x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The 8 Hour Panic

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Right! Gosh! Yesterday was a jolly little nightmare. 🙂  Today, I was gonna go on about, how much of a nightmare it was. I don’t think I had ever been as stressed, in quite a  little while? I felt deserted and I was SO utterly stressed because i’m SO FAR up my own arse, it’s unbelievable.

However, it’s weird how when you sleep on something…as in close your eyes and let the world take a turn. It’s weird how, you can wake up, rub those fresh kitten eyes and see the funny side to it all. Be okay again.

I lived to tell the tale..and when you’re a blogger, who chats about life… that’s all that matters. 😉

So, all i’m going to say is, don’t get a lift somewhere and then leave your handbag, which holds everything you will need for the day, in someone else’s car by accident. It was my own fault, (even though I did initially try to blame my mistake, on everyone else.)

My purse, my money, my ID, my phone, my laptop, my life, any form of communication..my everything….went on a merry trip without me. I was left stranded, without being able to get a hold of anyone, with nothing at all, but the clothes on my back…

For a good 8 hours..

(And like I said, I struggled because I was SO UP my own arse.)

However, I know it doesn’t seem that bad, right? It isn’t that bad….until you LIVE IT and without notice.

For the first 2 hours, I was FUMING. It sucked balls. I was LIVID. But once you’ve done something, you can’t back track and make it right, can you!?!  You just have to deal with what’s going on, in the ‘right now.’ I mean, people saw me THUNDERING DOWN STREETS, in a mist of Wunna rage. Lol.  I couldn’t get a taxi, I couldn’t message anyone for help. I couldn’t make a phone call. I couldn’t buy myself out of trouble. I went to the library, to try and use their internet. I didn’t have fifty pence, to be able to use the computers. Lol.

I didn’t even have anything on me, to make myself look less ‘on my own’ and like I had a purpose. (This is what I found the hardest, because i’m someone who will always try to look fine, in the heat of trouble.) 

I was embarrassed.

I didn’t know what time it was? I didn’t know, how I was eventually going to get found? I threw a silent pity party…But I must’ve not wanted help, because people did stop and offer TO help…They stopped to help me a million times over. However, every single time they did, I refused it, with a..

 ‘no, no, no…i’m absolutely fine.’

I WAS NOT FINE.

It was a nightmare. Lol. I went from park bench, to park bench, to long pointless walks, to little sit downs, at each local…for 8 hours straight. There’s only so much you can find to do, without looking like a lost soul. I even made a daisy chain to kill time.

It was kinda like being homeless, yet with the comfort of knowing it was all nearly over and you did actually have a home to go to. (In fact, I never got complimented MORE, than I did yesterday.)

So, ofcourse, I felt sorry for myself…and I was actually more annoyed that I couldn’t work (which is something that I find comforting.) I couldn’t write the book, (after finally feeling motivated.) Yet, as time went by and the wind swirled around me…I realised how shallow I was being. I grew up a little. (This week, so far, has been horrific. The Gods, are trying to make me learn lessons, or something? It’s shit.)

But yes, people go through my yesterday…on a daily…Without being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I actually went through this in my 20’s in New York, remember? It was weird because during that time, which was much much harder, I never actually ‘pity partied’ once. Yet, that was because I was genuinely terrified. There was no time to waste of ‘worry.’ I had to find safety.

Yesterday, was great because it made me realise that I wasn’t actually in touch with real life, anymore. Which is something I harp on about all the time, right?

Knowing about something, is different to FEELING something. The text book version of an event, never offers you the same kind of value. You have NOT experience something AT ALL, until you yourself have lived it, walked that particular path and worn the shoes. No one is in a position to judge anyone, until they have actually experienced what it is like, to be them.

And as the saying goes and i’ve seen this posted a million times over, by some of my friends…

‘You only know my name, not my entire story. You know what you’ve heard, not what i’ve actually been through. If you were to walk in my shoes, you’d absolutely trip at the first step, mate.’ 

Not really too relevant to my ‘yesterday,’ as that was nothing. However, it’s always a great life lesson to learn.

My Mum found me nine hours later.

That’s what I love about Mums.. and to be honest the last few hours were completely fine. It was ace. I had the greatest banter, with the most hilarious people. We talked bloomers with Jill, who is so happy all of the time, she looked like she could be married to Santa. Then I talked about ‘boys holidays’ and how a ‘pants only’ party in Zante was probably not a good idea, with dudes called ‘Sam.’

Sam: ‘Well Todd says, he’s throwing a ‘Pants Only’ party in Zante. But he hasn’t thought it through, has he? I mean, what chicks are gonna show up to that? None. It’ll just be a massive sausage fest…. just a group of lads..’

Me: ‘..in speedos and tight undies.’

Sam: ‘He’s Southern though, in’t he! He’s soft. Haha.’

I loved it!

When my Mum did actually find me and I had every faith that she would! You’d think she’d ‘baby’ me and treasure my sorry ass soul.

TOUGH LOVE MUCH!

Mum: ‘I don’t feel sorry for you. (Cheers!)  I knew you’d be okay. (Oh! Dandy!) You always are. (Today was shit.) I never have to worry about you. (Please do worry. I’m even worried.) You’re resourceful, once you’ve had your initial DIVA strop. (I’m fuming.) I’ve always said, I could catapult you to Timbuktu (please don’t) and you’d still find your way back home, or make a life for yourself there, with bells on.. But hurry up, i’ve got to pick up your brother (my darling, adored, little brother…) He needs me.’

I nearly exploded, like  a RAGING, CONFETTI GLITTER BOMB. But I didn’t. I’m swaggier than that. I’m coooool. I took life on the chin and ordered a cocktail.

Got home. Enjoyed every single second of, just being MUM. Let it all go. I posted a couple of ‘pity party’ Insta stories, to make myself feel better. After baby bed time. I cracked open a giant bottle of wine, got into the comfiest of comfies and flicked on ‘Love Island.’

That was yesterday.

Today, I’m meant to start my book. Instead the kids have Sports Day.

This week, is a nightmare.

 

Doing Life, Ambition & Stress

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Hope you  ALL had the most beautiful day with your Fathers, or celebrated ‘fatherhood’ in any way you felt necessary, be they still here with you, away with life ‘dandies,’ or even if you’re a father yourself. I hope it all went well. If it didn’t, never mind, eh! As long as you’re positive or honest, about your situation, you’re always gonna be okay. 😉 That can take time. But once you’ve got it, you’re sailing!

Yippppeeee!

I had a big old ‘lunch off’ and family day with my delicious Pops. The Wunna’s are a really close family and well, i’d say that i’m the ‘apple’ of my little Daddy’s eye.

(He once visited me in LA, many years ago and told my lawyer/party boy roommate to look after me, because if anything happened to his ‘Pride & Joy’ he would hold him directly responsible. Lol Yet, on the softer side, when I returned home ,after a huge Hollywood spell of ‘almost decade,’ he burst into tears because he was so happy I was safe and well.)

Y’know, my Dad, has never ever shouted or raised his voice at me once. He’s either talked me through things, so laid back that he’s horizontal,  or just pretended that the bad things have never happened….I can’t decide which one? My Mum, on the other hand, makes up for his lack of ‘shouty.’

I really ‘lucked out’ in the ‘Parent Department.’ I know that. And every single minute of every day, even when we wind each other up, i’m truly grateful for them. I dread to think of a life without them! They’re my little ‘ninja’ parents..My absolute rocks. It’s the same with Ruby & Junior. ( If you follow this, you’ll know I’m a single mum. But I LOVE being a single mum. It makes me feel powerful and I like to feel MIGHTY. Both babies spent the day with their Daddy’s. Junior was somewhat reluctant to shimmie over to his. Ruby, however adored it.)

I missed them both…MADLY. (The babies, not the daddies. Haha.)

Just so you know, I’ve bloody worn tiny shorts and no sleeves today, with ‘sunnies,’ because my phone told me that it was going to be a SCORCHIO. I’m sat on a bench, in a park, with a pink laptop on my knee, pretending to be nice to dogs that look like sausages, in the freezing, windy cold! I can’t even style it out. I look like a rebellious and somewhat constipated Geisha, that’s been dipped in Hawaiian Tropic and got caught up in a casual Hurricane.

Honestly, what is wrong with me? Why can I never get it right! I hope for sun soon. I’m far too exotic and scowly today, for even an occasional GUST of wind. It’s so windy, I could DIE of shivers.

Okay,  i’ll cut crap…

So, yesterday, you’d think.. with all my free time, I’d spend the day attempting to write that book. I keep rambling on about. The one that I only have 2 months in total, to complete. I didn’t do it, did I? I know it’s there and has to be done. Yet I keep pretending it’s not ‘PENDING’ away…If i’m honest, I have NO CLUE WHAT I’M DOING. I even have a Tutor and been threatened with a ‘Writers Colony.’ J It’s not like I don’t write, or haven’t written a book before?? I just can’t find my *swing.* I can’t find my *swagger.* Maybe I left it at Issho, after table sake?

But ah well…Even bit of me is confident that I’ll find it. HONEST.

Instead, I took selfies, (agent’s nightmare.) Went on walks. Almost bought ceramic unicorns. Stared at a pond. Shunned the advances of boys. Added to my Insta story. Dropped my  phone on my face, mid selfie, (it caused me to bust my lip a little.) I scrolled Twitter for ‘Love Island’ updates. I swung garden chimes, with my Mum, simply because we were bored. I baked a cake (did I **** bake a cake…haha.) Rode a donkey (that might have happened) and THEN BALANCED half a can of Fosters ON MY LITTLE BURMESE HEAD!!

I KNOW!  Skillz! How am I single!!

This was totally inspired by my good friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ who decided to send me a *Snap* of her balancing a PINEAPPLE on her head. (Cos’ we’re normal like that. I mean, for such so called ‘pretty girls,’ you’d think we’d have better things to do, like ignore DM’s from shirtless boys. 😉 ) But no. During HER free ‘still single’ time, she dedicated it to Tom Foolery.

However, being the competitive swine that I am, I didn’t watch and adore, with simple giggles. I decided that I could do it too.

ANYTHING YOU CAN DO, I CAN DO IT…..TIPSY.

I flipping, did it though! 13 minutes later, my ‘socials’ were filled with videos of me balancing a Foster’s Can, on my head, like a champion. (I did send ‘Hustle’ a personal video. I don’t respond to my real life friends via public story. Honest! lol..Well, unless, it’s by accident, a bit rude and maybe involves a Toberlone.) I had a Toberlone ice cream yesterday and it ruined my life, because my head was dazed with Katy P’s, MADE UP ‘Duty Free Toberlone’ story, that involved my vagina.

Every bite made me gip. You can still enjoy one though because your mind is CLOUDED with filth.

Hustle: ‘We’re like the perfect girls. We have boobs AND we’re good at balancing things..’

Me: ‘Well..sort of..’

Later through the evening, ‘Firmonnell’ sent me a video of ‘Hustle,’ on her sofa.. attempting to balance a FULL wine glass of GIN, equipped with floating berries… ON HER HEAD. The video was SO worrying, that I was tense with anxiety and screaming…

DON’T YOU DARE SPILL THE GIN….

..at my phone. (She always has to take it one step too far. I don’t think I can be her friend anymore? ‘Almost’ spilling gin, is as foolish as the art of ‘always telling the truth.’ It breaks the Wunna Land code of conduct. It’s not cool and it’s certainly not ‘gangsta.’ ‘Ere me now.)

However, life is there to be played with. It’s such a wonderful thing, even the bad times. They say the bad times, make you tougher. They keep you in good stead for whatever lies ahead. You never know what’s gonna happen to you? However, be it good or bad, if you ‘skill’ yourself up emotionally, you’ll be able to handle your next step, your next chapter, with the vigor of RuPaul.

Even if it’s utterly harsh, the quicker you feel it, get back up and then proceed to be play, with the tough times… the better. As soon as you enjoy life, understand life and don’t let it suck the *b’jeebies* out of you…The sooner you’ll find your ‘happy.’ Your strength.

‘Hustle’ actually posted a quotey paragraph yesterday. (Y’know how people do. I posted ‘Lovers Gonna Love’ on Saturday. My gay friend posted ‘Soup of the Day is Tequila.’ Blah. Blah. Jollies.)

Well Hustle, posted a paragraph. It stated that our own development as a human, is what made us happy. How we progress as a human. How we actually learn life. That’s what makes us proud of ourselves, in the end. It also suggested that we not place our happiness in the hands of others. People do it all the time…don’t they? I have, at times. Y’know, whether they’re waiting for a proposal, a job acceptance letter, trying to impress the masses, worrying about being judged, or pining for simple praise, or attention from a boyfriend, girlfriend or parent…Anything!

When you do that…you no longer have control of your happiness. You pass it on, like a parcel, yet the music never stops.

Now, I always ‘twicker’ on about how POWERFUL I feel. And like I said earlier, I’m someone who loves to feel powerful. Yet, that power, doesn’t come from anything material. ( I do love the finer things in life, yet I don’t LIVE FOR THEM. I’m actually a girl who loves the simple things, just as much. I couldn’t be more in touch with the real world.) I mean,  I could also make tons and tons and tons of money. (It wouldn’t make me feel powerful at all. No matter what, I’ll always get by. I work really hard.)  I could be so in love. (I’m single…and still, I couldn’t be happier.) Or so so successful,l that I couldn’t even nearly shake fame off me. (What i’ve learnt from life is that recognition for your talent and hard work, feels great. That isn’t ‘FAME.’ That’s personal accomplishment. The ‘fame game’ brings you more problems than it’s worth, at times… unless you play it well, use it wisely and benefit from it financially. Even then, you’ll still go through shit.)

I feel powerful because at 37, I feel like a successful human. I wasn’t always a successful human. Yet, that’s the point. I grew…and Karma IS a bitch. But Boy, have I DEVELOPED. I’m really happy with who I am now. I feel comfy, in my own skin. What I like what I am and what I stand for! I chose my own ‘happy.’ No one can take that away from me and because of that FEELING, I can walk into a room and RADIATE, almost GLOW of an energy, that swirls through the souls of others, like magic.

I understand people. (I’ve been people.) I understand life. (I’ve experienced so many different walks of it.)  I really LOVE being me and truly LOVE every piece of my world, because I picked it myself. I’m an alright person. I can see loneliness in others, even when they have that ‘100 watt’ smile on. (I’ve been there. We all have.) I can see kindness in people, when the masses have ruled them out as a ‘villan.’

I understand that… no matter what….I’m still just this tiny little dot….on a GIANT EARTH BALL of gazillions, doing this ‘shimmie’ called life. I always see the bigger picture and when you TRULY do, you quit letting the ‘niggles’ stress you out.

So if I could leave you with two lil’ tings of what I know about life right now, it would be to make the most of your time, WITHOUT WORRY…BEFORE you have no time left. We can worry about anything, everything, can’t we? It literally makes NOTHING better, at all. It creates stress. Both my folks are Doctors and even THEY say, you can break every bone in your body and nothing hurts more than a broken heart, a broken soul, or being lost in a fuzzy gather of stress.

And if you DO anything today…..Be the reason somebody smiles…

The smallest things, make people BEAM.

( I tried to teach Ruby that yesterday…But she kept ignoring me and telling me she was going to be a psychic.)

ps/ I live for ‘Love Island’ this year and i’m so excited by the ‘fresh girl meat’ and thrilled with my personal winner Adam Collard!

ALL THE FIRE! Let’s play love!

 

 

Retail Therapy & Writing Books on Dating..

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A bit of ‘Retail Therapy.‘ A bit of ‘buying me some love.‘ A bit of filling my soul with the beautiful art of ‘purchase.’ A bit of swanning around a department store, Dior counter, in order to feel lost in a powdery haze of well lit glamour, is on the cards for me today.

It’s a treat ya’self. Don’t cheat ya’self kinda weekend.

(A boy once slid me a note that read exactly that, when we were on a modelling gig in Palm Springs, back in the day. he had a really bog ‘fro.’ I can’t at all remember his name. He was actually a decent human and the note was a joke. Plus, he had exceptional ‘comedy timing’ as he noted me, when I was IN THE SHOWER and naked.)

To say yesterday could’ve ended up somewhat ‘rubbishy,’ (and the result was ‘rubbishy,’)  I actually had a really great time. I took it all on the chin and pretty much managed to get some work done, catch up with friends, by inflatable unicorns and wooden panels and spend the rest of my day waiting…. in a cocktail bar.

Life could’ve been worse.

Anyway, to ease my pain, i’m filling my purchasey pockets with wondrously girly…shite today. I need lots of little treats that will save my soul from a mental breakdown.

I couldn’t at all sleep last night, because my minds under this crazy pressure. I know that I said that I like working under pressure, but I obviously lied.  I’ve now got 2 months to write, a completely different book and like I was saying to ‘Newly Married‘ Vicki…. (I love you by the way, thank you so much for believing in me always.) Anyway, she dashed me with bright ideas, encouraged me with all of her strength and then bloody left me to swim to some pool bar, during her honeymoon…

I KEEP running away from writing the book because i’m intimidate by it.

I don’t know where to start? But I should know where to start…I’m a writer?

Vicki: ‘Start from the middle and go from there..’

Any excuse that I can find to distract myself from book writing I will. And maybe it’s because I don’t believe I can do it? But i’m not like that by nature. So technically, I don’t know what’s up with me? Maybe all the Peroni’s have literally meandered through my soul and made me feel real life? Lol. Maybe I feel ‘one my own’ with this project? Maybe, I am scared that it won’t do well…? But I’m not scared of anything? (Except, sausage dogs.)

The first book to get ‘shopped’ will be a DATING book. A ‘How to‘ book. Not that I qualify ‘on paper.’ Yet, I certainly qualify when it comes to experience…and in my mind THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. The reason for it being a ‘dating book,’ will become apparent to you shortly…Yet, at the same time, I write about life every day and to me, our love lives are such an important part of our existence.

My newly single, chick bestie ‘Firmonnell’ has moved ‘Hustle Barbie’ into her home temporarily. They’re both really close friends of mine…and ‘Hustle’s’ actually single now too. I think she went on some date with a dude in the woods or something?

Wow! That sounds safe! 🙂

We’re obviously such catches. Lol. Whenever ‘Hustle’ goes out with the girls, she comes home mud riddenly filthy. I don’t even know how? She would’ve been to Angelica’s not Old Macdonald’s goddamn farm. So i’m sure her date in the woods, went well. Sure she looked like a Pagent Queen…TO BE BEGIN WITH.

Anyway, ‘Firmonnell’ was seeing if I wanted to hang out with her yesterday…Yet, she knew that I couldn’t or wouldn’t…so presented it to me like this…

‘Are you doing anything Friday, because you can come to mine for drinks? I thought i’d message you first, so you could give me the first brush off..’

And I did. Successfully. Lol. I even replied with a..

‘Brush off complete..’

Like I said, this year, i’m such a shit friend. But not really ‘in heart,’ because I love them all so madly, I treasure them… but certainly when it comes to actual real life appearances. Haha.

Yet, your good friends and your perfect boy/girl love matches will always understand that.

I’ve got a goal and a lot of work I need to do to get there and i’m much closer than I thought I could be to that goal again…So right now, like I always say, i’m going back IN, to not only take what’s mine, but to take all the things that everyone said I could never have.

That’s fighting talk to say i’m a kitten.

(Did, I say ‘kitten?’ Sorry…I meant BITCH.)

Talking about bitchiness…I’m really glad Hayley’s been booted off ‘Love Island.’ Not because she was nasty, but because she was having a bit of free telly ride, without playing the game. You can’t go on Love Island and not DO the ‘love’ part. You can’t shun every single boy and think you’re gonna stay on the show. It’s not, ‘I can’t find a connection’ island and it’s certainly not how reality tv works. Cya Darling!

Glad that i’ve got that off my chest.

Big family day today. I’m really close to my family and with it being Father’s day tomorrow, we’re gonna celebrate being The Wunna’s ALL weekend. It’s what we do. Both Ruby and Junior will be with me all day and I think, as per usual…we’re headed to Doncaster. Ruby’s still bandaged up. (She had a bicycle accident.) And Junior is embracing his family time, with all of his heart. For some reason now, he’s always scared to go to his Dads?

Junior: ‘Please don’t send me there tomorrow. It’s Father’s day and Dad hates Father’s day. I’m scared.’

Luckily the kids are dandy because they have MASSIVE Wunna Land back up. It’s certainly a land run by woman, where the guys are always the bit parts, waiting in the wings.

I’m actually going through another new chapter right now, where you’re going to get to see a really different side to me…Operation ‘Clean Up My Act’ is en route…

Firmonnell: ‘Sounds really dull.’

Hahah. 😉 Love her.

See ya soon!

Thank you for following my life…

FYI/ I’ve written all of this BLIND and without my contact lenses in. I’ve looked like a half naked, 90 year old, horny bat, all the way through it.

Hope that’s made you feel sexy!

Cheers.

 

 

‘Hustle’ is a vegan, she has a pineapple on her kitchen table.

Me: ‘Aww. That’s so cute. She can ***can’t tell you what I actually said*** and then cute to raw pineapples slices afterward.’

 

Because I love a Hero….

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Are you freezing too? What is this crazy ass, snow doing? Now, we know I don’t like the cold. It makes my nose runny and that I assure you is something that can never be well accessorized. I had to make the scariest drive yesterday, where I kinda just skidded into oncoming traffic. Lol. Then Ruby and Junior had a ‘snow day’ off school (AFTER I DROVE ALL THE WAY THERE Lol), followed by that awful moment when they (in fact all kids)  turn around and shout..

‘LET’S PLAY IN THE SNOW!’

It’s always something that you feel you should do, even though you really don’t want to…But you do it anyway, don’t you? Just to see them smile… 😉

We built snowmen (that didn’t build,) they made snow angels, (and looked devastated,) we had snow ball fights (Junior cried) and Ruby chose to crawl all the way home like snow dog. I was literally screaming at her to ‘PLEASE GET UP, COS YOU’RE MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A REALLY BAD PARENT…LOL‘….But she just kept ‘woofing‘ at me and saying she was a ‘SNOW DOG.‘ 🙂

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(The other evening, when we did our ‘Mummy/Daughter’ dinner at Ego, she had a whole conversation with me about my love life and demanded that she saw their FEET first, because it was vital that I did not ever marry a man with ‘rubbish feet.’ )

‘Honestly, Mum…can we Google his feet, pleeease?’

I couldn’t ‘picture take’ yesterday because firstly, it got ‘snowed off’ and secondly I am UTTERLY rubbish at shooting in the cold. I can’t stand it. I can’t get into it. I lose my swagger. I lose my ‘ooh laa.‘ I won’t do it.  And you have to feel comfortable when you’re on a shoot.

So instead, I *selfied* my snow walk….Who knew you’d all be that excited by it? 😉

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(There’s me moaning about Ruby crawling like a ‘snow dog’ home and I’m tottering along in the snow with my bra out! Lol)

Even my chick friend saw it on snapchat and said,

‘Know wonder you’re bloody freezing. Most people wear a top out in the snow.’

But whatever, you’ve godda keep it sexy don’t you! And I’m certainly one of those girls. I didn’t even think that I looked like a plonker either? I mean, I would’ve done it WITHOUT THE BRA, if I thought it was respectful enough around the people passing by.

A bra is odd to viewers, but acceptable in the cold. A nipple is a whole different game. And my child was crawling home, like a ‘snow dog.’

What we must look like… is beyond me!!

I’m glad we did it though and i’m glad I have half exotic children, that prefer the poolside heat and swimwear, to the snow. They cried after 10 minutes because they wanted to be in the warm. 🙂

YIPPPPPPPPPPPPEEE!

But thank you for all the love I received for my ‘snow walk’ selfies. I appreciate it. And do know, before you all start. I was zipped up when the children were in front of me, yet it wouldn’t have made a difference, as they see me in my bra, or with my boobs out all the time. We don’t have body hangups in our family. We’re swag. 😉

I will tell you what was cute on my walk…The fact that I saw old gentlemen, young men and all sorts of others, shoveling the drives clear, for their wives, running all the errands…sort of really taking care of their ‘honey pies’…They were just being proper MEN. That was so cute. They were hand holding and guarding their families. They were keeping them safe from danger, yet still managing to have a laugh in the snow.

What a turn on! I love a HERO.

(I prefer to be warm, but definitely love a hero.)

Like I said to my friend ‘Tomfri’ the other day, when we passed each other in a pub car park (It was The Carleton.)

‘I love it when boys can do boys things…’

(We had some brief conversation about him laying his own floors down. Lol. He was with a mate and they had ladders wedged in their car. It’s the first manly thing ‘Tomfri’s’ ever tried to do or something? But that’s impressive.)

Boys are attractive when they have an emotional softness…yet at the same time, can do BOY THINGS. (That’s quite sexist. But It’s really how I feel! Lol)

Like I’d LOVE TO BE MARRIED TO THE PERFECT MAN, who can do things like ‘lay floors down,’ put a new light bulb in, do the bins and all that shit, that we girls hate. Lol. He’d have to be stylish and ‘cool as’ though and enjoy both the FINER AND THE SIMPLE things in life. Like, he couldn’t have a no teeth….It just wouldn’t work.

I’ve already bored myself with that paragraph.

Chick friend: ‘She wants you to be fit. She loves eye candy, because she’s shallow. Lol’

I’m not shallow! I’m really not. Just vain. We’re going down the wrong path!

WAIT!

What i’m trying to say is that I’m actually great at doing ‘GIRL THINGS...’

*WINK HERE*

So, I enjoy a gent who is equivalently GREAT… at doing BOY THINGS…

I have boyish banter, but I am a GIRLY GIRL. Don’t get it twisted. I’m a glamour puss. A kitten! Sometimes a bit of ‘diva’ the say? 😉

Aww, my friend ‘Sykes’ is just messaging me on Facebook…

Sykes: ‘I adore reading the comments on your photos. How you have the patience to say something nice back is literally inspiring. Lol. Someone told me I had a nice arse at the gym the other day, and I had him thrown out. I presume it’s your business acumen that drives you. Bravo Wunna.’

(I love Sykes. I went to school with her and she’s hilarious. )

I think i’m just used to it. I hear it all day, every day….and I don’t mind it. No, in fact, I do mind it when they’re rude, because i’m feisty…They sometimes need cold showers or slaps.  But if you put a suggestive picture up…that is whats going to happen. I don’t mind sexy banter…I just don’t like it when people are disrespectful and cross the Wunna line.

Yet, on the whole, everyone’s doing the whole ‘you’re beautiful, you’re sexy’ thing.

That’s not so bad. I’m quite laid back by nature. Worse things have happened to me then that…Lol.

PLUS, I try and make time for people, who make time for me….and they do…every day….I whole heartedly believe in the art of ‘what goes around come around.’ I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I didn’t appreciate the fact that they’re helping ‘Wunna Land’ sail.

I can’t remember what I wanted to tell you now?

Thank you those of you who are sending me products to ‘influence’ ( I always find it really exciting and I can’t wait to sort through them all) and thank you to the gents who have been signing up to my ‘Onlyfans’ account. (Onlyfans.com/chrissiewunna) I’m glad you have a ‘home’ now. Lol. 41 pictures are up on there right now…and 4 more went up today. It’s certainly the place for the ones of you who aren’t bothered about reading the blog and just want to see the ‘sexier’ versions of my pictures. Lol.

 I say ENJOY! (Copy and paste the above Onlyfans link and subscribe yourself happy.)

I hope this snow is nearly over. Yesterday I felt trapped and house bound…It was a nightmare. I was literally pulling my hair out…The kids were going mental and..

I had run out of flipping wine!

I was gonna brave the blizzards, just for a bit of wine! Yet for once, I went all sensible and left merriment to others!

BEING SNOWED IN YESTERDAY IS SO DULL. Especially if you have no booze or no fun. 😉

What else did I need to tell you?

Oh yeah. I’m gonna be changing my diet, in my quest for a more delicious body….

I’ll tell you all about it shortly…I just need to get everything set up!

Chrissie

ps/ Thank you for following my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kitty Sexuality, Wantons & Mind Blocks…

I just keep having these really weird dreams. The other night I dreamt that I was outside in the sunlight, about to board a flight and around me I kept seeing planes taking off into the skies. The mood was all happy and calm and then I looked to my right and the Eiffel Tower appeared out of nowhere? Then I got on my plane?

Last night, I dreamt that a guy I know, who was being all lovely, all smiley, all happy…Well, he got down on one knee, and proposed to me. He put a silver band on my wedding finger and had a matching one on his wedding finger? Again, the mood was all lighthearted and peaceful. Everything just felt so perfect?

I either need to stop drinking before bed time or these dreams mean do actually mean something? I’ve stopped looking them up now….I never dream? Why am I dreaming so much?

Other than that, It’s a busy time in Wunna Land. I’m kinda just getting my ‘kitten concentration’ on, to focus on it all for a bit, as i’m rubbish at organizing things, schedules and everything in between, when it comes to my own world. I’ll just dance off with an afternoon cocktail in my hand, gleefully…. which is the bouji version of burying your head in the sand,’ when everything comes at once.

YIPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEE!

I could do with a cocktail now and it’s only 10.47am.

Slippery slope…

(Yet, luckily a slope that i’m used to…Free slide anyone?)

Yesterday evening, I managed to ‘tipper’ and a ‘tinker’ and once I did, in a flash, I had ‘penned’ into my schedule….and officially booked something in. (This is why I’ve always said that my soulmate needs to be of an organised nature. I’m quite obedient, if I don’t have to deal with the ‘faff’ of things.)

So, in April, I’m looking forward to heading down to see Kwoklyn Wan, at his deliciously divine restaurant, in Leicester, for a bit of jolly filming and blogging, as he teaches me how to cook things, for your absolute ‘social’ delight. I’m a cheeky little thing, so it will be sprinkled with that infamous Wunna Land charm.

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He was actually on ‘This Morning’ a couple days ago, with his little brother, the ever famous Gok Wan, teaching Holly and Phil how to whip up some whirlwind wantons, as he is the ‘MASTER’ of making the most delicious Chinese Street Food.

Image result for kwoklyn Wan this morning

April…(and I think he’s actually filming a documentary at that time)….I will be embracing all this Asian with him, as he teaches ME…how to be a Wanton Master! We’ll be doing a video, that you’ll all get to watch and along with a blog, I’ll be ‘socially’ sharing my behind the scenes with you.

I’M SO EXCITED!

See! A little ‘being organised‘ does you some good!

Right now, I’m trying to swizzle everything together for the CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM advert. Organizing the location, outfits and themes etc…is quite difficult. But I know what I want and I’m gonna be working with Jake Logan (who’s simply great.)

Let me tell you….The advert is going to be oozingly dripped in an actual mind blowing swirl of sexuality. It’ll be ‘kitty femme’ at it’s utter finest. It’s there to tell a story, it’s there to advertise the blog, socially. You’re not even going to know what to do with yourself afterward! 🙂

IT IS GOING TO BE ON FIRE!

We’re both really excited to film it. It can’t come quick enough. Organizing it, is actually stressing me out. But if it all goes well…They’ll be lots more adverts.

I have two shoots booked, that are coming up shortly, followed by content shoots for my ‘socials.’ Right now, i’m not finding enough time to fit everything in. Yet, I’m really lucky, so I’m going along with it all. I’m smiling and i’m winking.

I guess, sometimes things feel tough…Yet ‘tough’ is only temporary. Once you pick it up and handle it, it dissolves and becomes easy. So, i’m staying hopeful and enjoying the work that I love.

I had something else to tell you, but I can’t remember it?

SHIT! I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS! For Gods Sake! I even have my specs on! It’s meant to make me smarter!

No..Mind’s gone blank.

Oh Wait??

…Nope…Minds gone blank. 🙂

Anyway, everything’s great. Lost my mind. But everything’s great. I’m excited to finally get my teeth fixed. I’ve got to organise picking up the new whip. I’ve also got to organise getting a new tattoo, which i’m actually quite nervous about. I tried to talk myself out of it…But i’ll message them today and book in a ‘go see’ date…The reason why I need to do that is simply because i’m scared. The only way to solve fear, is action right? So i’m gonna smash it about, like a human dynamo and get it all sorted.

All of the above are ‘collabos’ with brands and businesses and if life is about living and adventure, then I’m the luckiest kitten in the world.

I’m still building….But something tells me, that good things are going to happen! (I dreamt of planes taking off!)

PLUS….

I HAVE A SURPRISE A COMING UP….

Some of you won’t actually like it, but lots of you will. And believe me, I have an actual internal FEAR bubbling inside me because of it.

Thank you for following my version of life!

Big Kisses,

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Overnight Success, Carbs & Dwarves

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Two little, happy twin dwarf men, have been popping into my dreams for the past 3 nights in a row! (Don’t even ask. My mind is beyond any form of normality.)  They’re just happy as can be, chilling in my dream land….these two twin dwarves.

It worried me and made me eat a ton of carbs for safety. I stuffed everything into the most ‘macca’ sandwich you could imagine, that was filled with everything in the foodie world, that could possibly make the ‘Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…’ list.

You would’ve burst into a euphoric sense of ‘NOM NOM.’ I even stopped being ‘Veggie’ for it. 🙂 Or maybe that was the time I had pork scratchings?

On the whole, I’m having a lovely time. I’ve worked a great deal and been quite the ‘social’ queen, that I took the last couple days off away from picture taking and all the rest of the work…just to enjoy some family time with Ruby & Junior. I really cherish that and I used to blog & post about them, a lot more than I do now.

Not because ‘I don’t care’ and only care about ‘selfie taking..’ yet because that part of my life is so special to me…I keep it just for me, because it’s real. I treasure it. There’s a lot of things, that I keep just for me, now.

But back to the Twinny Dwarf Men. (Sounds like kinky a fetish.)

I eventually came to my senses and Googled the SHIT out of what this could possibly mean...??? (My Google History is the MOST BIZARRE sighting!)

Luckily, the omen is good. It apparently means that i’m quite possibly charmed, that i’ll rise to the top in life and be swirled with hood health…(hood health? Lol) I mean, GOOD HEALTH…. and jolly finances in the future? (Your health is actually your life currency. I always forget to be good to myself.)

HELLOOOO ALL THE COCKTAILS!

Right, so I’ve got lots going on and Wunna Land is slowly, but surely slipping on its sexy pants, attaching rockets to the frilly bits…and getting ready to..

*WHOOSH WHOOSH DADDIO*

I’ve always taken chances. Far less impulsively as a grown up. As a 20 something in Hollywood, I was an IMPULSE NIGHTMARE…I learnt a lot of lessons fast and KARMA WAS AN ABSOLUTE TOTAL BITCH. 🙂 It made a decent 30 something year old. I’ll tells ya! And if you can’t be a decent ‘30 something,’ then you’re in BIG TROUBLE. I get that we all learn things at different speeds…But it’s much better to be wiser at 30 something, than to not.

Only DO WHAT YOU LOVE. Only do what you want. Be with someone who adores you. Who you adore. Respect them. Work hard. Take chances. Dreams come true all the time. Every moment of ever day, dreams have come true in my life…consecutively, throughout my whole entire existence.

Literally everything I dreamt of as a little one, in Yorkshire…came true and because I wasn’t afraid to give it a go. Win or lose. I was fearless. As a 13 year old girl, I told my mum and my friends, that I was going to MOVE to Hollywood, be a model and an actor….and marry a movie star. (Lol. That bit’s ‘cringe.’)

By the age of 21, I was there, in West Hollywood, at a ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ audition, I had got scouted at a coffee shop by a modelling agent… and an actor had got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. (We’re definitely divorced now, because we certainly weren’t right for each other.) BUT the point is, I did it. It happened. And I knew it would. I knew how that chapter of my life would happen, years before it did. I said it all the time, as a teen…and yeah lots of my teen friends, used to make fun of me for it…

But I did it… 😉

Everyone always sees the success part! I say that a lot, don’t I.

But, I haven’t had it easy. GOD! I didn’t even have it easy until the end of last year. I’VE WORKED my kitten arse off…DAY AND NIGHT... and as a single mum of two…

I juggled EVERYTHING, in order to try and make things happen. I worked lots. I got home, looked after the babies, I blogged. I’d end up having to stay up late, to wait until Ruby & Junior were asleep. THEN wake up at 4.30am, to send out work emails, and hit the different time zones and whilst trying to negotiate ‘collabo’ deals…

At six o clock in the morning… my alarm would go off. I’d get ready for the day and wake the babies up, to do the school run, before smashing a REALLY BUSY work day and maybe even having to finish up late, jump on a train, work in a different city, sleep a little, and check out of a hotel at five o clock in the morning. (As my Mum looked after them.)

This is after having to wake up at  4am, just to get ready….I’d arrive back home at around 7.30am..Do the school run and start the work process over again. 🙂

SO…IT HASN’T BEEN EASY!

But…I DID IT!

NOW! LIFE IS EASY! 🙂

So, yeah..I WILL HAVE a cocktail or FOUR, thank you very much. I’ll celebrate my life and inspire folk along the way.

Every single person who IS a success, has worked SO SO hard. They took risks. They didn’t settle for the life… they never wanted to lead. Yeah, they did what they had to, but their focus was always WHAT THEY LOVED. They made sacrifices. Even through the struggly bits, they believed in themselves. Even when they thought they didn’t…DEEP DOWN, they did.

And it started for me as a kid… I was at dancing school, after normal school…Then acting class, this class, that stage show, an audition here, an audition there…It started when I was five years old, after I BEGGED my little Burmese doctor parents to send me off to perform ANYWHERE, because I was definitely doing their heads in.

I loved it.  I lived for it.

DREAM BIG, WORK HARD. COMMIT TO IT.

(It’s the same when it comes to love.)

It’s weird, because I feel like, there are tons of people who DREAM of having a certain life…They want to LIVE that life….YET AREN’T WILLING TO PUT IN THE WORK, or take the chances? They try and short cut their way to it. (Yet, If you take a ‘short cut,’ you kinda get ‘cut short.’)

And then you have the people who grumble and ‘hate’ on the people who are doing, or have done well. *YAWN.* Things like that, never bother me, because i’m pretty confident and emotionally grown. I’ve been through everything and back again, in stilettos and with a wink.

But I know, that a lot of people find it difficult…So listen up…

When someone hates on you, it’s NEVER about YOU and ALWAYS ABOUT THEM. They’re really transparent & very usually a keyboard warrior.’ So, if you’re getting hated on along the way, don’t let it bother you. Keep doing what you love. I’ve NEVER seen a hater, have a better life, than the person they are actually having a go’ at. And I’m saying this because I watched a really talented human get ‘hated on’ socially by his friends, simply because he went to an audition to be on a TV show. I hope that really talented human, becomes a really big success, one day.

It’s about taking chances without fear…and definitely having the ability to not absorb any negativity thrown at you and instead learning to use it as motivation.

(Why am I sounding like a Self Help book today??? Must be the carbs.)

I mean, on my ‘socials’ these days, I’m receiving a lot of ‘love’ from people and then once in a while, someone will pop into Wunna Land with their knickers all a twist, OR they’ll just be wanting to have a go at ‘trolling’… for attention.

I mean, a few weeks ago someone sent me a DM simply saying,

‘Nob..’

I’ll give’em that. Lol.

Then I recieved another one reading, …

‘You moronic fuck face.’

Yet straight afterward, they deleted their entire profile. Meaning, the last DM they wanted to send was TO ME…and they needed it to say the ABOVE. 🙂

Hahaha…

It’s just life…How it is. Then two minutes later, my inbox and comment feed with filled with love.

Simples.

Laugh it off. Get on with your story…Be a success.

I always reckon, it’s the ones that have chosen to do something out of true LOVE and passion…dipped in determination, be it loud or quiet, that get the best results.The ones that have put in the years of time, years of effort and have steadily grown their own world of ‘clout’…that make it and LAST.

They didn’t take the short cut…they carved their own looooooooooong, steeeeeady path and walked it, ALL THE FLIPPING WAY…with a wine.

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Happy Weekend!

Chrissie.

PS/ Pardon my preachiness.

PPS/ I need to go on a diet. Someone help me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is Cupid Really That Stupid…?

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Happy Day of LURVE , my Lovelies! Now, I’m a creature of ‘kitten’ who adores a good Valentines day. I’m addicted to romance and sweet whispers dipped in giddy. I swag it out, but I love it. Yet, let’s just say, even though i’m quite quite lucky, when it comes to grabbing the attention from boys…and the occasional girl…

..Cupid is also GREAT at pulling down my pants, pointing and laughing at me, with a..

GOTCHA!

Cupid is a bastard at times. We’re friends now though. At the end of the day, he’s not that bad. I always say you’ll meet someone one day and realise why it didn’t work out with everyone else. He trains you up for it. (Bastard.)

Like I said, in my last blog…There’s soooo many people who regards this day at a ‘Hallmark’ Holiday…And I think, yes…we’re meant to love and appreciate the person we adore EVERY SINGLE MOMENT, OF EVERY SINGLE DAY...but we don’t. We just don’t because we get caught up with our own lives, the stresses of it, or the ‘busy parts…’ I mean, guys will often straddle on Social Media telling random Glamour Pusses how beautiful they are, yet forget to tell their wife, on a morning when she wakes up…or when she looks lovely.

SO, if there is a DAY (and I say it all the time) to dedicate a moment, to the person you love, adore or appreciate…and TODAY has been labelled that day…then why not embrace it, celebrate it and show the person you love, that you actually care.

It takes one second.

(Text them now, order flowers or book in at your local restaurant.)

It doesn’t matter how you do it…It’s always the thought the counts and also the situation you are in. You may be apart, but if geography doesn’t get the better of you, your ‘ooh laa‘ should not only survive but last the distance. Chemistry travels through the Universe and back.

You may have busy schedules… But it only makes the moments you DO share together that MORE precious. You may live together and see one another EVERY SINGLE DAY, yet have never really opened up and showed love the way you wanted to…

You may fancy a ‘someone’ and just can’t find it in you to tell them.. You may want to turn a ‘Beneficial friend‘ 🙂 (aww, I put that so beautifully,) into a true love….? All sorts of situations…But there are ALL SORTS of Valentine Solutions.

No Excuses.

I only feel bad for those wanting to surprise a secret crush…as that to me is terrifying. I have everything crossed for you. Keep the romance alive! You have the ‘Big Balls.’

Hurrah! Love Heart Lollipops for everyone?

So yeah, being a LIVE LIVER…and someone who turned the diary of her life, into her business… I say..

GO FOR IT.

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(Even if your ‘Pants Down’ Cupid, by the end of it. I’m ballsy. I always always GO FOR IT.) 

I’m just reading through my news feed and I love how some guys palm off Valentines day with a ‘what I love you anyway…it’s just a day… YET, moan that we chicks don’t take Steak & Blowjob‘ day seriously.

Hahaha. Be Smart Fellas!

I actually want to know what ALL my chick friends got from their ‘Handsomes,‘ as i’m on my travels, so i’m hoping they Whatsapp me the whole entire, gossipy *shabbam.*

Over the last couple days, i’ve been busy on shoots and sorting out the business part of Wunna Land. So when there isn’t a blog, it’s because i’m either working, just chilling with the babies, or guzzling a massive WINE.

I will tell you that I HAVE BEEN FREEZING. Imagine being out in the fricking freezing cold, shooting, naked….

Yipppppppppeeeeee!

It’s hard to keep it sexy when you’re you’re freezing. It’s made me not fancy guys who do not put the heater on. I associate the cold with hatred. 🙂

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Okay, so I have a family day today, with Ruby, Junior, My Mum, Dad & Brother. Today is what I call ‘Treat Day,’ where we splurge on delights and do whatever we want. We treat ourselves. (Junior’s excited and filled to the brim with giddy burst of glee, that just bubbling through him. Ruby’s currently trying to choose 1000 toys to sell, so she can make extra money, because it makes her happy? She is every bit ME. Lol) 

We’re actually headed to The Frenchgate Centre in Doncaster today, to go ahead and celebrate their FIFTIETH YEAR, where we’ll be ‘LOCKING IN THE LOVE’ and placing our Wunna land padlocks on the giant Iron Heart in the centre…to show OUR LOVE and appreciation, as a family.

Doncaster means a lot to me…as even though I ventured off to do life in West Yorkshire, then well…Hollywood….It’s always been my birth place, always obviously will be my birth place…Lol…and I have the fondest childhoods memories there.

Happy Valentines Day from Wunna Land.

Love you.

Chrissie x

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Auditions, Daffodils & He’s Nothing Like Mary Poppins…

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I’ve a busy day today, so I’m gonna have to keep this sassy, brief and delightful! I’m auditioning and it’s stressful and mainly because I make it stressful. Lol. I put so much pressure on myself because I’m a lunatic. 🙂 (Code for: ‘I just want to do well and have all my dreams come true.’ We all do! But that’s the problem..In my world…everyone wants the same thing.)

Yipppeee!

But, you get what you get and you don’t get what the ‘The Gods’ believe isn’t right for you. I’m actually feeling quite good right now after Whatsapp messages to someone I hold in my highest regard.

I was all pathetic and nervous and trying to sort out my mindset… I’m honest, so i’ll tell anyone exactly how I feel about everything….and he swooshed on in with motivation at the exact right time.

He’s like Mary Poppins…but not nothing like Mary Poppins, AT ALL? Lol. (Bare with me…I’ve gone insane???) What, I’m trying to say is that he spoon fulled me the ‘truth sugar,‘ from one of the most positive angles and in order to gear me up for a ‘smash it,’ bonanza. He did it briefly and real. Not fakey and flourished. (It’s an attractive trait. Kinda made me want to ‘tickle his fancy.’ I love motivational people…not the ones that go on and on… for hours, but the ones that are real and tell you stuff from their own actual life experience…It’s sexy. It always makes me think they’re also really organised…and in the future….I imagine my Knight in Shining Armour to be dead organised….That way they can organise my scattiness.)

ANYWAY….. ( I got distracted…)

Just like that, I felt MIGHTY. The motivational medicine went down a treat…and sometimes it’s all you need…. and with a…

‘Good luck babe…you will smash it…’

I was sorted.

(Why am I currently getting a flash back of Junior misguiding his standup wee?)

‘GET IT IN THE LOO!!! It’s spurting on the floor!’

Monday was great because I got to hang with my girl bestie ‘Firmonnell.’ Miss you Monday turned ‘real life’ and we got to catch up and chat about our world’s combined, as people played with blue and white balls around us and other’s decided to ski.

I always miss her madly, so when we talk, we talk….We get lost it in with a passion. There was a moment where in which we had gotten so ENTHRALLED in our conversation, whilst stood up by a coffee counter…that we forgot we were stood up by a coffee counter and were suddenly awaken by the Barista with a…

‘Do you want chocolate sprinkles on that?’

‘Eh?’

‘Oh shit! Yeah..’

‘Why are you not using the sugars I got you?’

‘I thought they were yours?’

‘What…EIGHT OF THEM.’

‘Let’s sit down..’

Good catch up…Then our other friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ tried to steal my Bestie from me, by presenting her with Daffodils and kindness.

Firmonnell: ‘Hustle’s my new bestie now! She bought me this..’

(Produces photo of daffodils and other loving thoughtful stuff.)

Me: EWW! Why is she stealing my bestie! How dare she be thoughtful. That’s fine. you two can go have a really delightful Vegan time together. I’ll make new friends, with like… Olivia off Love Island.’ Fucking Daffodils.’

Firmonnell: ‘What you buying me?’

Me: ‘Don’t you dare try and game me with the *WHAT YOU BUYING ME’ trick.’

(I’m scarred! It’s not like I haven’t already been on the flipping telly… where I was put through HUGE challenges every single moment of every single day, with a camera in my face…in the name of ‘Hilton.’ Touchy subject, a friendship battle..innit.) 

Anyway, great day with ‘Firmonnell.’

‘See you next week? I’m parked over there…’

Me: ‘Can you at least MAKE LIKE YOU NEED ME…’

Miss you Monday’s‘ are the best!

I’ve actually really super dooper need to go! Shit! My hair needs doing. Just wanted to say..

THANK YOU SO MUCH..

To everyone who is engaging with Wunna Land. My ‘Socials’ have been a delight and i’m grateful. It kinda makes me feel all appreciated. Thank you to those watching my ‘Garden gallop’ video gram. So many people have messaged me asking if it was my actual garden? Random question?

But…yes…I’m not going to gallop, open shirt topless in someone else’s garden. Lol. Well? I might? Depends on where life takes me?

Just quickly, I’ve also noticed that people are getting into ‘banter spats’ on my Facebook Fan Page….Just so you know…regardless. I adore y’all! If it wasn’t for your engagements…this land would not be worth it..and I never take that for granted.

It’s pretty rubbish weather today. It’s almost like the skies can’t decide what to do? I want Summer, or at least Spring to shimmie on in now. I don’t like this inbetweeny weather. I’m not grey. I’m not a fence sitter. I need a choice. It effects my outfits. 😉

Before I tinker off…The other day, after a shoot, I stopped to have a chitter with one of my good friends Scott…It was a phone interview and I was sat in my car, at night, in my pyjamas…. But please to click below and take a listen….We’re talking celeb gossip, my time on the Hilton show, ‘behind the scenes’ glamour modelling and my dating life..

I’ve godda go!

Thank you for following my life….

Chrissie x