Flashbacks, Fifty Shades & My Flipping Love Life

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I keep doing this thing where I wake up at around 3am in the morning, because I can’t sleep? I sleep naked and so I’ll moan that i’m chilly, step out of bed, not remember to grab a tshirt and instead unplug my phone (priorities)  and just get back into bed. Then i’ll start to Google everything. Literally anything. Lol. Before I get back into bed, I’ll look in the mirror to see if I look okay, whilst it’s still dark, yet turning into morning??? Why do I do that!!?! No one’s there but ME!!!???!! I’ll Google search until I’m tired. Am I a lunatic? That seems a pretty safe option. 😉

I did watch ‘Fifty Shades Darker’ before I went to bed….which probably didn’t help, as I have to psycho analyse everything that torments me…:) I dreamt about it all night and then found myself Googling ‘Sadists’ incase I knew any? Lol. Everyone I know is now a sadist or a psychopath. That’s what I came up with 🙂 and then I  just fell asleep, until my kitten woke me at six clock, via the fine art of paw tapping, to make sure I was up to do get Ruby ready for school.

All the way to the school run, life moments kept flashbacking at me, during my drive. My mind went back almost 10 years and for a second, it shot to a time, where I was dating Boyband Jonny, it was late afternoon, we were having a difficult time in our relationships, yet I didn’t know why? He was expressive because he was a creative. Yet, closed off emotionally, because…I’m gonna go with….he was an Aquarian? Lol. (Aquarian’s always find me.)

Anyway, (and this was almost a decade ago) i stepped into a black cab in the middle of Camden, where he was living, which would take me back to Kings Cross, so I could shimmie back onto Northern Soil…and before my cab left, he came running down the street, in his skinny jeans, up to the window and passed me a note. I smiled, waved and the car drove away.

During my journey, I opened the folded hand written note and it read…

‘Dear Chrissie,

I know I never show it…and i’m sorry for that. But I want you to know that whenever i’m with you, my heart lights up.’

(It’s strange that he could never tell me, and had to write it. But I appreciated that anyway, because any expression is good expression, right?)

Then my *flashback* stopped… I was still en route to Ruby’s school drop off. (Boyband Jonny is actually gay now and exceedingly happy and settled. He may not have become the Boyband Superstar that he always wanted…But he openly found his happy place, which not only is MORE important…Yet also makes me beam.) 

But anyway, I was driving away, ‘Happy as Larry,’ chatting to Ruby in the car…I get to the big Ackworth roundabout and my mind begins to race again and this time it takes me to this time last year….

‘The Swirl.’ 

It took me to a moment where we were both laid in a bed…his bed, everything was peaceful and it was probably around 11pmish. We’d just watched ‘Britains Got Talent’ and then a round of ‘Celeb Juice,’ before showers in separate bathrooms and night time. I remember him looking at me, saying ‘Things with you are just easy… and after I agreed, we fell asleep that night holding hands.

Then my mind *WHIZZED* me back, almost like it didn’t want me to settle upon that thought. It took me to earlier that day, where ‘The Swirl’ and I were sat on a pale lemon sofa…(which he kept assuring me he didn’t pick..)

‘It was already here when I moved in…’

It made me notice how particular & creative he actually was. (He’s an Aquarian also! They find me.) I noticed a lot of things about him that afternoon…and I loved that, because I adore nothing more than learning about people….simply by observing them… merrily. I’m like a sponge. I’ll take in EVERYTHING.

But anyway, my mind took me to us being sat on this sofa together. We were chilling and watching tv. I made fun of something. He made fun of it also and almost innocently we both burst into this silly banter of laughter. I remember looking at him when he laughed, which made me smile.  I also remember him looking at me when I was laughing, yet when I turned to face him, (as I could feel his eyes on me,) he turned his head away quickly.

Then my *Flashbacks* stopped.

Just like that i was at Ruby’s school…and my normal day had begun.

What is going on with my mind, right now? Both happy moments. Both loving memories.

Yet, I have noticed in love, that I am always in the same place.

I achieve everything work wise. I’m a great mum…I’ve developed with Ruby & Junior threefold. I adore being Mum.It’s not always easy, but I can do it on m own and it has been my greatest gift…my life saver. I dance to New Chapters always because i’m not scared of them. I’m not scared of anything. I’m irrepressible. (My Geography teacher used to always say that about me at school. Lol.)

I’m a life warrior and probably one of the most emotionally together chicks I know! It’s almost like nothing can sort of break me down, because i’ve grown so much, after failing at shit, winning at shit, being broken, yet getting back up each time, with a SMILE ON MY FACE. I feel unbreakable. It’s powerful. It radiates from me…and in a way, i wish every woman felt like that. ( My close chick friends are actually all like that…Well, most of them anyway. 😉 )

During my time in Hollywood, I went through SO much. I had the best time definitely, but. I was in my 20’s growing up in LA. There were both good and bad moments, that I never have EVER told anyone anything about…because i’ve never wanted to. But i’ve experienced life and walked lots of different paths. At 20 it was hard. At 37, it’s now such a blessing.

That’s why I always say it is MUCH MUCH BETTER for someone to come into success, fortune, or fame as a 30 something or older, than it is as a young one….As like with love, you can handle it with a better perspective without getting carried away with the bullshit. (I never get carried away with the bullshit…even if it looks like I am, or have. 😉 )

However, when it comes to my love life…Like I said earlier…I am always in the same place…

..and it’s been that way since I was 19.

I don’t get it?

I KNOW what I want and I don’t always get it. (And i’ll never just settle.) I know what I do NOT want and that is anything that is emotionally challenging…Things should come easily….At 37, I don’t want to be dealing with issues….I just want to gallop around to the sound of happiness and true love.

I believe in boys chasing girls…The ‘old school’ tactics. It shows that they’re confident and it’s not dipped in arrogance. It shows that they’re not scared of love. It’s easy and uncomplicated.

I believe in honest expression..without that you don’t have anything. You might as well be a cardboard cut out. (I once watched one of my guy friends, make potential girlfriends *jump through hoops* to win his affection. He expected them to guess how he was feeling? I never understood why? It taught me a lot about him. He had his own issues. I accepted him for who he was, as he was one of my guy besties and I didn’t ever have to date him. Lol. Yet I always hoped those chicks quit ‘jumping.‘ He wasn’t THAT MUCH of a prize. 🙂

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I believe in love. I always believe in love. And I hope you do tooo!

So let’s hope that a decade from now….when i’m flipping 47. I won’t be telling you that i’m still in the same place…

But if I am…I’m sure i’ll still be happy…. 😉

Chrissie x

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Life, Sass and Naughty D’acampo…

I’m plate spinning and doing it sassy! Lots going on and yeah it can feel shit when you’re exhausted, but i’m lucky…and i’m happy because dolls…I got this ‘thang’ down now. One day…plate spinning won’t be as difficult 🙂 and when that day comes, I’m gonna kick off my sassy red heels, delicately pour myself a glamourous Aqua Riva Tequila (the purest tequila in the land..so pure that Coco Rocos actually TOLD ME whilst perched at a bar… and she created it, that it is the only tequila in the world that will not give you a hangover, because of it’s purity.The word ‘pure’ gives me a rash because it reminds me of virgins and GOD…yet, luckily when you shove Tequila on the end of it, it sort of becomes sexy. THANK FUCK.)

But yeah…I’m kicking off kitten heels and drinking pure TEQUILA and all that shit whilst I hold up my ‘Success Trophy’ and Google a Wunna Headline that reads that i’m worth ZILLIONS. 🙂

Anyway, I’ve been working hard…so hard that I passed out without realizing last night, in my full face, cuddling Baby Junior, as he clutched a boob after a burger. I need a Wunna office…a pink one with chandeliers…therefore I won’t have to dart across lands continuously…be a mother, a starlet, a worker and a champion all at once. I can sexily beckon people into my world and slide them a Prosecco as we talk creatively. I’ve noticed that i’m SUPER GREAT at creatively coming up with ways to market brands for other people…yet when it comes to me…I need someone to take that FABULOUS shit over.

I have THE BEST chick friends and the reason why I do is because the other day…well i knew already…but the other day I realized how ‘there for each other’ we are. We literally tell each other everything, EVERY DAY…300 days of the year…and let’s say, there was a moment the other day, where I asked for help because I needed them more than ever..and just like the Sassy Army of glamourousity that they are…and we’re all so open with each other…you should be jealous of my chick army…with a snap of their fingers,  a natter and a wink…it was sorted….I’d tell you what it was…but i’d get into trouble… so there. 🙂 I LOVE YOU GIRLS! They’re on my journey to ‘stardom’ with me, as weirdly it’s kinda only happened since they’ve come into my life…so they’ve watched everything develop, unfold and occur….right before their very eyes…and even though we all have very different lives and priorities…these girls have become my best friends.

YOU NEED AN ARMY LIKE THAT! One day, I’ll rope them all into working for me….We’ll wear heels and drink cocktails, Mel will scowl at people and Rachel with organise things in her headset.

(Our last conversation was about the cup size of our bra’s. Poor Webbo ..the guy in the office…had to sit through it and what Fairytale do a ‘I’m going to Monte Carlo‘ fashion show. She also said that she was going to have a sex toy party in her house and Mel switched it to a ‘candle party’ because she has too many toys. Lol)

‘Wow, this is role reversals…Fairytale is strutting about in red heels in her new house and wants a sex toy party and saucy Mel wants to buy candles…’

(The world must obviously be ending…grab yourself a life boat…it’s some kind of weird freaky life switch…. AND THERE’S NO GIN… Maybe i’ll switch with some goody shoed, quiet………..EWWWWWWWWW DULL….I can’t even type it.)

BUT WHAT THE FUCK! I HUNG OUT WITH GINO D’ACAMPO!

 

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Right, incase you all didn’t know, I am a huge fan of the Gino DAcampo restuarant chain. I wine and dine and chill there a lot. I went to the one in Leeds when it first opened, I loved it SO much that I wrote a blog about it…that blog was read by EVERYONE…to the point where it got sent around the staff the Head offices…you get the picture…everyone everywhere…(and I found it really funny, as it was sweary, cheeky and fun. It was authentic…it was very ME.) Long story short, I now have a Black Card for the chain and I’m a giant glamourous cheerleader for the brand… Simples. 😉

Tuesday….at Sheffield City Hall, I went to be part of Gino’s Live Show. I KNOW!!! As if!! I actally got lost on the way there and his perfect gentleman named Paul, who runs a record label, in his banana coloured shoes found me looking bewilidered and with a ..

‘Are you lost?’

Said,

‘I’m going passed that way, I’ll walk you there…’

Awww! How sweet! In that moment I was in love with Paul and his banana shoes. Kindness is sexy. He walked me all the way to the entrance…

‘I don’t know where the Stage Door is, but that’s the main entrance…What’s you blog?’

‘Chrissiewunna.com…Thank you so much. You’re my hero.’

And off he tinkered to do his own version of life! WHAT A LOVELY GUY! I need to bump into him again.

Anyway…I got to Gino…after winding through football hooligans and lines of people waiting outside City Hall to get a peek of the Italian Stallion. I was at and doing GINO LIVE.

If you didn’t know he’s currently on tour…and well…what a better way to promote a restaurant right, 😉 as he opens one shortly in every single place that hes touring! I love it! 😉

BUT WHAT A NIGHT! IT WAS SURREAL. The night was so great that I haven’t even absorbed it all in order to deliver it to you effectively! So without telling you everything…I’ll tell you bits. The rest will probably come out in other blogs, as I remember, as it is almost as if it wasn’t even real. As if i did Gino Live!

THAT GUY IS A STAR and I find him really inspirational. (The ‘Big Dude’ up above keeps plonking really inspirational people in my path right now..I have no clue why, but they’re circling me. Lol)

Anyway, I’m dead lucky, so before all the show started at 8pm I was with him all ‘behind the scenes’ backstage. We were on a stage and as I stepped forward to greet him with a…

‘It’s so lovely to meet you…’

He paused, looked at me with a warm serenity…and with smile and with gentle yet very direct eye contact, which means he’s pretty confident, shook my hand like he had known me for 100 years, there was sort of a ‘Daddy Vibe’ to him./a family Italiam warmth…and with a cuddle and pose for pictures  he said..

‘No…it’s really great to meet YOU…’

So, the show itself was wild and fun, tongue in cheek, filled to the brim with happy faces, there was madness, life, rudeness, comedy, laughter, love and an entire theatre packed to the brim with an energy that you couldn’t even buy. It was filled with SOUL. The place was wild yet so intimate.He created a bubble, an intimacy, that drew you into him like you were his best friend and not a fan, sat in a theatre. I watched everyone’s face, as I scanned the room. He even let any member of audience ask him any question throughout the whole show.

He’s a cheeky, naughty, sassy, sexy, tell it how it is, sweary, fun loving Italian show man. WHAT COULD BE BETTER. But he’s so down to earth and warm, get’s away with murder…I mean fuck, he fake snogged a granny, told one guy he was shit because he was ginger and would never get laid, said he’d eaten a ‘lot of fish’ in his time’ and laughed about it all the way…He pretend kissed girls because he ‘could,’ smashed open pasta on people’s bottoms, drank wine called ‘CUNTO’ and sang songs about how how much he loved his Mother. Lol.

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It was the most witty and entertaining time ever…Yet with all this…I told you there was a warmth, an appreciation for the people that showed up to watch his show, he was GENUINELY grateful, he told me…and with soul in his heart and a twinkle in his eyes…he gushed about how much he loved his wife…

‘I’ve been married to her for fifteen years now…She’s amazing. I couldn’t be with another woman, because no other woman would marry someone like me. She’s the most patient and loving woman in the world…We understand my role and she understands her role in our relationship…and that’s why it works…I love her.. If I was her i would ditched me 20 years ago.’

Swoon! I want a dude to say that about ME! Even if they don’t mean it. Say it, to me NOW! Say it! Say it!

Anyway, I’m in a rush because i’ve got to head to work…and i’m sat in my bra and no pants writing this on my bed…and i have Ruby to get sorted for school…

You should be inspired by Gino because he’s a guy that hasn’t had it easy, yet fucked that with a ‘Yeeehaa’ and made something of himself. He’s worth millions now, after being a 21 year old waiter who went around breaking into people’s houses. It changed his life…because he pulled himself together DID IT the right way! I love that! Everyone needs a story.

But he’s some Gino Trivia, that I found out before the show…

His real middle name is actually ‘SHEFFIELD.’ His favourite number is 71. His favourite place in the world is Sardinia. The most famous person he has ever met is Luciano Pavarotti.. If he wasn’t a chef, he’d be a Dentist. The thought of being an accountant bores him…He doesn’t support any football team…he supports his wife and kids…He doesn’t love the French. He’s outspoken. He’s lovable.

He is someone that looks as though he has a lot more to achieve. He ambitious…he’s going for it…and even though he’s already on top of his game…he’s got so much more that he wants to trophy! He is the most authentic personal brand that I have ever met. No one is like this guy and he keeps it real…He’s got his niche DOWN, yet certainly knows what he’s doing. But he’ll go for it and that is what LIFE IS ABOUT. What makes him a great personal brand because he has LIVED. (Like Moi.) You can’t fuck with the bastards that have lived, as we can do personal branding like superstars. 🙂 We’re smeared in raw love, openess, charm and swinery.

Shit, i’ve got to dash…Tell you more about it later.

If you haven’t seen the show…You MUST! There’s still some tour dates left!

If you have a Gino’s near you…GET YOURSELF A PROSECCO THERE. It’s my favourite place in Leeds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Boy Banter, Beef and Nightmares?

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‘If two vegetarians were fighting….would we still call it a beef?’

And that set the tone for my entire Sunday! Lol.

I don’t know why I am so humoured by something that my eyes chose to focus on, as they woke up to Sunday morning, with Junior glued onto my front like a little Burmese ‘Love Mummy’ slug. My sense of humour WILL get better. Well, let’s hope so,  for your Goddamn sake. *Tip here.* The only other thing i’ve found funny before that is Gino D’acampo. Who used to be my celeb crush. It was dark and ‘Eton Mess and I’ were sat on sofa’s as Celeb Juice was running it’s wildness on the telly box. I think he was on some gyrating chair, (and I do mean Gino D’acampo and not ‘Eton Mess’ lol as surely that would be a bit too kinky,wouldn’t it 🙂 ) explaining what a ’71’ sex position was. If you didn’t know, it’s Gino having his willy in you, two fingers up your bum and whilst he’s drinking a glass of wine. Hahaha. I just remember looking at ‘Eton Mess’ pissing myself and saying,

‘See! How can you not fancy him! I’d love to have a husband as funny as that.’

I have a soft spot for boy banter. I find it really funny. Well…If it’s done well. I’m a pretty easy going girl, so you an come at with all your ‘funnies’ and more often than not, i’ll find it hilarious. Unless, you’re a dickhead…then i’ll just think you’re a dickhead. 🙂

Annnnyway! I’m sorry i haven’t been smashing out a blog every single day. But lots has been happening and i’ve kinda just got swept in it. I’ve been knocked for six.

There have been moments where i have been non stop working, moments where i have been travelling, moments where i have been ILL, don’t listen to anyone THE FLU IS GOING TO GET YOU and YOU WILL talk like a Drag Queen for days until your chest is better. There have been moments of fun. Moments of tiredness. Moments of happiness. Moments of stress. Moments of gossip. Moments of fun. Moments of peace. Moments of shock. Moments where i forgot to appreciate life. Moments where i remembered to love it. Moments where remote controls got the better of me and had to listen to really sad love songs on repeat simply because i didn’t know how to switch them over. Moments where in which i’ve found myself recovering from being ill, yet waking up to being stood stuck on the side of a road in a giant white faux fur and skirt, with mild hand luggage, having to frantically call for a taxi to come and pick me up, from someone else’s phone, as mine had decided to not work, when i needed it to and due to all the cars in the world breaking down, so that I could dash to work on time, in a moment of traffic panic. I don’t like panic and i don’t like letting people down. So it was an awful combination for me. Lol. But i got there… on time. Just. (Don’t have ‘get well’ massages with relatives. It’s stressful and creepy.)

However, like i said, i’m back now. Let’s get this blog shit down. I have lots to tell you. I’m back on track, my game and with a wink in my wiggle. I’m feeling productive and dare i say ‘looovely.’ AND i’ve just heard the most incredible story about a Goth who went to Cuba 🙂 and ruined everyone’s life by doing a poo in the sea, being maungey, lazy, moaney, not fun and dashing it all off with being tight. Hahahahaha.

This sums it up…when one of the most tolerant people i know…other than myself…and when i say tolerant, i mean a being who can put up with silliness, fun and shocking stories with a shrug and because they are, by nature quite fun. They’ve seen it all. Well, when they’ve had enough of you, to the point that they actually feel the need to turn around and say ‘Look you need to book a flight and FUCK OFF HOME,’ then you know you’ve been a massive goddamn ‘Black Widow’ of a pain. HAHAHA.

Girls need to stop being such high maintenance  lunatics. And it’s sometimes weird as the ones that you think would be all quiet and nice, all calm and easy going  can end up being the absolute WORST NIGHTMARES and the ones (like moi) who people wrongly THINK are going to be all high maintenance, bossy, unfun, controlling and evil…can sometimes be the most lovely, chilled life partners. Plus, I don’t poo in seas in Cuba! HAHAHA! DYING!