Sunday Banter

l (3)


So, it’s been a series of shopping trips, baby passes, smiles, love and sleepless nights. Take that and dollop it in shingles, the flu and all sorts of other fine jiggery pokery..but it in a boy band haircut and a push up bra and you have Wunna land. But we’re happy.

Yesterday, I finally managed to purchase a couple of items of clothing that actually fit me. I’m in that weird stage where i’m not fat and i’m not skinny. I either have preggo-fat clothes, or skinny tarty clothes. I don’t fit into the tarty little numbers and I look like Elvis the clown (I don’t know why I named my clown ‘Elvis’) in the preggo-fat…. couture. πŸ™‚ (It’s all from Primark.)

So yes, yeterday I bought me ‘mid-stage’ clothes that will pleasantly guide me through to my future skinny waistline. I’m trying to glam it up and well I do look sort of glam. However i’m not fully feeling it yet and because I haven’t completely dieted down to my perfect dress size. Until that point and I look in the mirror and think, ‘aah…i’m back’ with a *prowl* face, I’ll always simply feel as though i’m trying to polish a turd and well rolling it in glitter ain’t gonna cut it. Oh and to keep it really sexy, I caught a brief spat of Keiran’s shingles due to being run down and having the flu. I’ve had the shingles before, so I have the virus in my system. Lovely, I know. It’s on my right bum cheek and not at all hurting. It’ll be gone my next week. I just know. Like a guy who doesn’t see you as his future, it’s not going to stay around.

Keiran’s run down but working hard. He’s really trying to slam dunk his property business with a victory air punch of glory. He’s doing great and staying focused. I’m truly impressed with him right now…even though I accused him of giving me herpes. (It was Shingles. Wen he was told it was shingles he leapt in the air with joy. You’d never seen a happier person, who had just been told they had ‘the shingles’ as I call it. Imagine if he has actually cheated on me…i’d never know and he’d never get caught.) But yes, on the whole, he’s seeing our future the way he should be and he was lovely the other day when we had our little chat. (He loves our chats.) He told me that he wanted to do really well for us, so that he could buy his freedom and treat me the way he always wanted to. I like the sound of that, so he can keep up the good work. (And leave his wallet at the door. πŸ™‚ I’m joking. I can never seem to spend a boys money. My flag of ‘independence’ pokes out and with a kitty snatch of ‘gimme-gimme,’ I begin to wave it madly, in order to hold onto my own sense of POWER.) Oh shit..I didn’t mean ‘snatch’ as in vagina. That would be rather peculiar, however I thought I’d better point it out, because you never really know with me, do ya!

I’m looking after the kiddies, loving them, finding it hard, but being grateful for the blessing that they are, between mugs of coffee that I wish we’re rummy cocktails. I’m happy even though i keep sauntering around the house pulling maungy faces at Keiran. Lol. He’s laughing them off…and I mean my faces, not the children…because i’d kill him otherwise..with karate chops and…knives. πŸ™‚ #roamceisalive Today his neck is hurting after staying up all night with Baby Junior, who wouldn’t settle. Craig and ‘The Hubs’ watched my ex-hubby in the Tom Cruise movie ‘Jack Reacher last night. I fell asleep with Ruby and forgot to do the Baby Junior night shift. πŸ™‚ Careless of me, I know. However, I’ve watched my ex-husband DO LIFE and one with me when I was a wee 2o-something. I’ve already watched him DO ACTING in Tom Cruise movies, so tucking Ruby in and falling asleep with her, seemed a better option.

But yes…Keiran’s neck is killing him today and he’s moaning about it. Y’know how men do…when they moan and moan because they want sympathy and cuddles…but more sympathy. If you know know that i’m SHIT at sympathy. I don’t like to give it, or in face receive it even. He’s been ‘ouching’ with every move he makes and i’ve sat there with a comedy dead pan face, whilst tossing him pills. It does actually hurt him but I just think having an entire CHILD WEDGED OUT OF MY VAGINA hurt a lot more. I’ll shimmie out a bit of sympathy when I believe it’s due. πŸ™‚

Then I made steak pita thingys.

Life is good. I’m losing weight, looking forward to getting back to work, loving being a mum, but nervous about the future. I don’t know where I’m headed but it better be somewhere and it better end in millions of pounds. My mums feeding Junior. Ruby’s been to Toys R Us and is passed out on the sofa. Keiran’s cleaning golf bags to sell on ebay and I CAN’T WAIT TO PICK UP my new hair extensions tomorrow. I missed my parcel yesterday because I was out shopping. Creepiest parcel ever, filled with some human’s hair and for me to place in my own hair. But alas, I missed it, so i have to pick it up tomorrow from the Ponty sorting office, which is awkward because I always meet some weird old woman who always wants to be my ‘socialite friend.’ Remind me to make an appointment to register Junior when i’m n town, use the sunbed and..something else? I can’t remember? Wow, i should be in MENSA.

This Tuesday Keiran leaves to go work Glastonbury. His security company is doing the Summer festivals again…so he’ s off on his merry way to make some money, for a week. I’m gonna be fine, but Ruby is gonna miss him terribly. Luckily, I have a great deal of help, so the children aren’t going to be a problem. ‘Wunna’ time, unlike ‘Hammer time’ Β isn’t gonna be too bad. I have a lot to get on with and once I get over my online shopping addiction…i’ll be able to get on with it. πŸ™‚ I need a job.

Shit, I had stuff to say about boys and all sorts, but I can’t remember it all now. I want a new house. Boys are hitting on me. Exes are secretly hitting on me. AND right now i’m not bothered, because i kinda have my hands full with babies. Plus, i’m quite happily married right now (unless he’s secretly cheated on me) … and when a girl is happy, no other man gets a look in really, do they.

I can’t wait until I have a job, have millions and i’m skinny.

Not much to ask. *Looks to The Gods.*






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