Oh my God! I am sooo super stressed out today. It has been ALL go and i’m in a ‘wish i could call it delicious’ haze of *rush rush,* not knowing what’s a happening, who’s a happening, where i’mma gonna go and who i’m taking with me??? [Panic here!!] I’m simply holding onto the fact that everything will be alright. Like i always say, i never know what’s going to happen to me in the end? I just know it’s something wonderful. If i keep saying that enough…they the Dear Lord will grant me some kind of glittery finish, with my name in lights and everything. To be honest…i’d just settle for a smile on my face! I have a *smile* right now, but it’s hiding a secret bundle of *panic.* Now, I’m not usually one to panic. I’m more of a ‘aww lets get drunk and laugh it all off,’ kinda gal. However, i’ve got so much going on emotionally right now, that i feel as though i’m having to juggle a baby sized breakdown. 🙂 (I’m laughing at how *Drama Queen,* I am. There’s people in the world that have it a lot worse, and i’m stressing over what seems like something *magical.* )
I just feel as though i have each one of my emotions balanced on a plate, high above me, spinning on sticks, that I have forced to be in control of. If one of them falls, I fall and really in these heels…there can be no falling allowed. *Hair-toss* (Ooh i actually feel slightly more relieved now i’ve blogged it out? See my dolls, blogging is a GREAT form of therapy. Feel something, then let it out your system via written word, without a single worry about the fact that the WORLD can read it. )
Today, i finally have the whole entire day to myself. It’s one of those days that I..being the Ultimate Glamour Puss of ‘ooh laa daddio,‘ thoroughly count as precious. Half of my family have ventured off and away to a lovely little meditation retreat in Wales, where they will not be allowed to talk for ten whole days. I have the house to my pretty little delicious self. Loverboy is working all day, until passed midnight. Therefore I get to lounge around and catch up on life, love and my kittens. I haven’t had ME time in ages. Or it feels that way anyhow? I’m going through a lot and today is going to be very important for me, in order to beable to refuel emotionally. I want gin.
I just need one of those moments at night, where you sit on your window sill and stare out into the sky, or across all of the city, the land, or village, and wish for ‘dreams come true.’ No matter where you are in the world, or who you are in the world, that ‘moment‘ is one of the most sacred moments you could ever have. You should also be comforted by the fact that when you have that ‘moment’…you are joined by thousands of other members of this world, from all walks of life, in a hundred different countries, who are wishing and hoping for the exact same thing! It’s beautiful. Try it with a vodka bitter lemon.
Over the last couple of days, i’ve joined in on marvellous family lunches. I’ve been craving jacket potaoes with beans and cheese just recently and therefore no matter where I venture, it is almost a MUST that they have it on the menu. 🙂 I’ve also, enjoyed romantic dinners with my darling bundle of ‘handsome’ named ‘Peter.‘ (That is Loverboy, by the way, incase you’re getting lost in the moment.) We did ‘Pizza express’ the other night. A place where i LOVE to dine and yeah we had fun…even though he possessed a bit of a wondering eye AND after i had bought him the new Ed Hardy dog tags!! 😉 When you give a boy a gift, they never seem to love it as much as a girl would. lol
Other than all that, i’ve laughed, joked, smiled, and had him make me dinner. I’ve had 5 tiny bottle of blood, squeezed out of my arm, by a midwife who enjoys to wit her way through my moment of anxiety. 🙂 Most of you know what i have going on in my life right now, and well if you don’t… i apologise for being a mild blanket of secrecy. I will tell you that Pete, by Knight, my Hero, my brave, brave, Warrior of protection…almost *FAINTED* at the sight of a mere picture of ‘what was to come.’ Yeah Page 14 really got to him. He said if he didn’t leave for air, at that precise moment, he would’ve fallen on the floor and collapsed. LMAO! Haha. Aww..that why I love him. He’s simply adorable. (Plus, he scored major points by cooking me a ‘Jamie Oliver’ stew for dinner yesterday, with strawberries and ice cream for dessert. The best way to shut me up, is to stick food in my mouth, as the chewing will close down all gobby, Wunna air time. I have great table manners. There is no talking with my mouth full!)
But yeah, i’m home, i’m chilling, i have payment drama with companies that have made me work for them, yet forgotten to pay me my full amount. (NOT GOOD at all. It pisses me off, when that happens. I’ll always refuse to work for a company that can’t seem to pay their pussycats on time, or even at all. I’m a Wunna. That’s not how i roll!)
Channel 5 have asked me back to do another episode of their show, (I don’t know if you remember? But i filmed a one off, where i had to talk and comment about sex and the education of it.) I did a pretty good job, with the old Wunna banter and so they’ve politely asked me back for another dollop of my deliciously tragic *wisdom.* Unfortunately, i am AWAY (ugh) when they shoot and I won’t beable to do it until the the beginning of next month…which is obviously too late. (Well done Wunna.) But i’m sure they’ll work something outty and simply because I love them! 🙂
My book is currently being judged, at the publishers. I’m having to put my own money into it, which is always mildy alarming. I love the book, yet the throwing of money at it makes me weary. It puts the fear in me and makes me far more terrified about it. I enjoy the passion of writing, not the business side of it AT ALL. I’m not keen on the giving money part. It takes the ‘ooh laa’ of it, away and makes it far less magical. I’m an entertainer at heart..not a business woman. I can write nonsense forever. I can’t add for shit.
Loverboy and I are still waiting to hear from our audition that we did in Manchester last weekend. However, they did say a ‘couple of weeks,‘ so we’ve pretty much got ages to go yet. I’d love to get on it, as it would be something really different to my normal jiggery pokery and i’ll get to share the ‘tale’ with a ‘handsome,’ that i intend to spend the rest of my life with. (If he doesn’t drive me nuts. 🙂 ) But i’m quite confident with that audition. We did the best we could really.
I was wanting to win the lottery, the last time around. But i forgot to buy a ticket. Oops! So i’m gonna win it this weekend instead…haha…and hopefully this time, i’ll remember to purchase that little pink & white ticket of ‘dreams come true.’ Forgetting to play the game, is never a good option…not just in lotteries, but in life!
But yeah, everythings dandy. I’m craving baked beans, and oh yeah ‘SIMON,’ at the ‘Pebbles care home in Leeds,’ won’t let me visit their children, because they feel i am an ‘inappropriate‘ human being because i once posed topless for an occupation. They believe the boys who are in their care may Google me, causing a great deal of an ‘uncomfortable‘ air.
Now, i have a lot to say about this, because I was under the misconception that people welcomed others with open arms and warm hearts, when they wish to be charitable. Simon..at the Pebbles care home for children…in Leeds, has completely judged me on my past. I haven’t done a glamour shoot in a rather long time! Plus, if I had..it shouldn’t matter when charity is concerned. I’m not a glamour model anymore. I’m a delicious kitten, of ‘once on the telly’ ooh laa, who is a BLOGGER! I write about my life. That’s about it and well excuse me sir…but that’s not naughty?
What i found wrong, about his email, was the fact that he immediately judged me, after seeing a couple pictures on a Google search. He didn’t take the time to find out anything else about me really? He didn’t take the time who see what i stood for? Or what i believed in! He cares for children who may or may not get JUDGED for their past…which is something that i believe is very wrong. I am a huge child advocate and believe that no matter what you can make your story a fairytale and celebrate who you are!
I’m a kitten that’s been through a lot in life, good, bad and inbetween. I’ve seen it all and experienced it quite harshly when living in Hollywood. I managed to overcome everything, and straighten it all up to find myself in a happy, clean position in life…where i not only saw the light at the end of the tunnel, but galloped towards it merrily, owned it and basked in it, with a glory like tan line!
I have a lot in common with children who may just need someone to talk to, or have someone listen. I’ve been through it and i understand life and people fully,with a deep and utter empathy. I’ve lived it and I want to help to make a difference, because I believe i am someone that quite bizarrely inspires others without even realizing? I’m not saying i’m a role model. I’m saying i’m a normal human being, a girl….and sometimes that’s all it takes. Simon’s really upset me. I mean, how narrow minded!! (Now, i am FORCED to put ‘House Bunny’ on repeat, to make me feel better!) Woohoo! 🙂 It is actually quite funny being far too inappropriate to visit children in care,