Step Into Christmas You Swines

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Around this time last year….i was doing this:

Step into Xmas Bitches

Friday, November 28th, 2008

Influenced by quite rubbish morning television, i’ve decided to make a ‘Credit Crunch, Christmas Wreath,’ in a pink n white polka dot nighty, with Xmas bows in my hair, armed with kittens, champagne and my telly turned on to some ‘make your house look better, for cheap’ show. So yeah, here’s ‘Chrissie’s Credit Crunch Christmas Wreath’ thing…for under a £10. I mean, it’s about time everyone got into the bloody spirit a bit more. You all look miserable!! Shit, i forgot to put my diamantes on…(yeeeeeeeah, bitch!)

Anyway, firstly buy a lavish amount of Christmasy CRAP. Grab ya baubles, your cones, your nuts, ya golden beads, your fake robins and those stupid Xmas bows you can buy…oh and with wire attached. Good quality Christmas junk is essential. (Mine actually came to £57.06, which is not under a tenner..but f*** the Credit Crunch..where’s my champagne???) Follow the the purchasing, with a glass of booze. Bubbly booze! Then turn on the soothing sounds of ‘Britney Spears’ (preferably ‘Gimme Gimme More,’ as it makes you feel sexy and sends out the message that Christmas is for TAKING & very rarely for …can i even say it…’Giving!’) Sing a long…! Attach all the stuff you wasted your money on, onto your plastic Christmas wreath, (which i actually forgot to tell you to buy…hahaha!) Swig a little bit more Champagne. Adjust your boobs. Wiggly around to Britney, chuck a whole bunch glitter on it and HANG  your MASTERPIECE up. (’Da, Daaaaaaaaaaaaa!’) As you hang it, drink more bubbly booze, switch the music to VICTORY Xmas tunes…and have a jolly old time. Yay!! The kittens ’shatt’ on mine. Ugh!

History of Fairy lights: Way back when, some Dude saw starlight

…through ferns. (Sorry for some bizarre reason it won’t let me type next to the last word??? lol) He travelled back to the village (enchanted place of birth and not Gay bar) and put baby candles between his own ferns, hence the invention of ‘fairy Lights!’ There you go. Where’s my trophy!!!

4 thoughts on “Step Into Christmas You Swines”

  1. You do an excellant blog every time but it would be nice to see a nice set of pic`s on MyNuts too. Then I would not have to keep pestering you any more. ZIPLOCK3:)

    Reply

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