Today is a stressy day & it’s only just begun. It actually began last night. I couldn’t sleep. I laid in bed awake, pondering, rethinking, Googling facts, whilst trying finding solutions. I thought that would help my mind rest. It didn’t. It stimulated it.
In fact no. It’s not actually ‘stressful’ day. I could turn it into a positive day. I’m just letting it BE stressy for now. (Don’t get this mixed up with a ‘pity party.’ I’m good at them too. Yet, I assure you, that this is not that. It’s more of a ‘worry.’ A little juicy ‘worry,’ that I doesn’t deserve.)
However, once my coffee’s kicked in, my second wind will flourish and my heart will turn to ‘lioness.’ Then I’ll grow ten feet tall, mighty and smash it. (There’s always got to be a little’ worry,’ before you turn ‘warrior,’ right? Just agree with me. Haha.. I’m not in the mood for jiggery pokery.)
Life has been SO good. So wonderful. So perfect. I’ve been telling you all about it. Things are on the up. Work is fantastic. Life with the babies, as been THE BEST it’s ever been and that’s because they’re BOTH at their happiest and most confident, right now.
In the back of my mind, there’s been a ‘niggle.’ A ‘niggle’ that all my happiness & all my cheer had misted over, because it was far more powerful, than something & someone so negative. I knew it was there. Yet, I didn’t let it get to me.
Now i’m here. It’s the day. Today I have to FEEL IT and LIVE IT. Today’s MY beginning of it all.
The good thing about me, is that i’m used to feeling and living. The weird thing is, that no matter how many times I ‘blink’ and find myself in a ‘sticky’ situation, i’m never complacent.
I will always have a moment of ‘worry.’ I don’t ‘paper over the cracks’ as my friends would say, with ‘bloshy bull.’ It’s okay to feel worried. That’s what makes me human.
I feel. I listen. I express. I do it eloquently and only for the things that I believe in.
My inbox is currently jam packed and buzzing every single moment, minute & breath, with a notification or new DM.
It’s not even filled with smut. (Well, maybe a bit of smut, from strangers who have let their beautiful imaginations go wild. Haha.) It’s filled with love. And I thank everyone, for every little positive comment that they take the time to leave. I’m grateful for every little supportive DM, that fills my kitty soul with confidence. It’s wonderful. It really is wonderful.
Today, none of that matters. Lol. My focus is directly on something that really matters. It matters more than anything to me…and I refuse to be bullied, by people who are so lost, so confused and therefore via the fine art of selfishness, try to control what is not their’s to hurt or control. It’s wrong.
I’m a little scared. I’m fine with that. We should confront the things that scare us, right? Plus, I don’t have a choice. No. That’s wrong. We always have a choice. We chose what happens next in our story. We’re always one decision away from a completely different life.
Anyway, today I needed a ‘look at me’ cut away….
…So I posted a fresh pic (the one above) of me, on my ‘socials’ this morning and with a ‘log out‘ I that was me done.
The good thing is that the Wunna Land magic, now takes care of itself. I’ll be able to leave everyone to it and check back in later, after i’ve dealt with the behind the scenes drama.
My coffee’s kicked in. I’m ready. I need to perfume spritz and lip gloss.
ps/ This is not a dreary blog. It’s empowering. Today i’m gonna conquer everything. I needed to write this, because I needed to say it out loud. Y’know, just so the stress could dust away into tiny pieces and flutter off me. I don’t believe in the art of the ‘bottle in.’ It’s the most unhealthy habit.
Always feel free. (I can feel you reading this. Thank you all for the support.)
Mum: ‘Good luck, Baby.’
Ruby: ‘I love you Mum. My hair looks amazing today. I look like Rapunzel.’
Me: ‘I love you too. Have the best day at school. I’ll see you both at 3.30.’
Junior: ‘I love you so much.’