Slags, Louis and a Little Girl named ‘Fatty.’

Last night i had a crush on Louis Theroux. I am obsessed with his documentaries and watch them all night long. I love how he walks in the shoes of many misunderstood others. Delves in their worlds. It’s sexy. If i could do anything with my life, it would be that. Well i have done. But mainly in LA where the common streets are littered with colourful pasts. I love venturing into the ‘worlds’ of others. It’s the only way i believe i can understand mine. I have a thirst for what lies beyond. I want to tongue him. ( I just got sent a video which includes the words ‘Scruffy Cunts.’ Haha!)

So this morning, and it’s not even 10.30am, i’ve learnt a lot. But before i start i will tell you that some awful being of a blond mess, randomly called me a ‘SLAG’ (i’ll give her that) and a ‘PAKI,’ (which isn’t quite geographically correct) via Facebook last night. What? So now i have to take the verbal abuse for all other races?? (Haha!) It’s funny how people just see a picture of ‘innocent little me’ and fill up with so much rage that it makes them HAVE to send me verbal abuse. (Hahaha!) I’m doing my job well. Keep it coming. (But don’t bother.) I always said i wanted to make people feel with every cell of their being. I guess i’ll take ‘hatred.’ (Lol)

 Unfortunately, i was tired so when she typed ‘Look at you Paki.‘ I typed Look at you…fatty. ( I know, i could’ve done better. But under pressure ‘fatty’ is all i could wangle out of me. Yet i’m told it’s a ‘classic.’) Then I get done for calling her a ‘Fatty’ because she was an actual real life fat person and i should know better. All i’m saying is, beable to take what you decide to dish, because i’ll boomerang that bitch right back at you, with a major slice of ‘OOh laa.’ Ugh! She was disgusting! But i’ll give her ‘Slag’ even though i’m not anymore, because i’m trying to be a ‘Virgin’ and doing it really well. Being a ‘Virgin’ is really boring, yet for some reason makes you feel powerful. I don’t know whether you had to be a ‘SLUT’ in advance, for it to feel powerful? However, i haven’t ‘put out’ in ages and strangely my popularity with members of the opposite sex has doubled. (I’m only being a Virgin again because i can now buy my own dinners. Virgins use dildos right??)

Did you know that a full teaspoon of semen has 36 calories, -38 fewer than a small glass of wine. (I’ll still have the wine thanks.) And 60% of men would be okay with their girlfriends having a lesbian affair. (Tell us something we don’t know.) Then finally (bring down the glittery explosion) Men are more likely to admit they have cheated, than women. But i believe that’s because women have evolved to be better at keeping secrets. AND THAT’S SO TRUE!! Men talk. They can’t shut up. They forward each other naked pictures of girls they’ve bonked, they discuss their conquests in chat rooms and sometimes place it on Youtube. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that? I think it’s funny. (Provided it’s not about me.) I just like to keep my conquests a little more ‘Shhh..’ So girls if you’re sending that new boy a raunchy picture of yourself… (We all do. I mean i did about a month.) Please make sure it’s a good one, as EVERYONE will be seeing it. Even me!! I get forwarded pics of you girls nudies ALL the TIME!

I’m tired of myself now. Shower me in Kisses.

9 thoughts on “Slags, Louis and a Little Girl named ‘Fatty.’”

  1. u funny fucker it is only funny when u call em fat coz u do it with panache how can she call u a half ounce we can tell u look oriental it aint rocket science is it chrissie. i hope u have a mustard poets day babe and keep on your path of virginity

    Reply
  2. god good u are a funny fucker though chrissie that is why i love your blog u crack me up u watching man u arse sat 12.00 if u win or draw u win the league babe so get down a boozer and crack on

    Reply
  3. good good i hope the toon beat fulham so we stay up and next year challenge again wish us luck treacle. u up to much poets day then chrissie?

    Reply

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