Shaken not Stirred


I’ve been ‘wakey wakey’ since 6am. It was meant to be a day off, yet instead i roped myself into a quick ‘something, something’ (I know it’s annoying when i’m vague, but i unfortunately have to be right now) followed by a short book writing moment of inspiration. Then I have a little meeting in about an hour or so. I’m dressed like a slutty business woman. The look was meant to be just ‘business woman,’ yet like i said yesterday… everything i throw on, turns all ‘I’m a slut- boobie, hippy’ in 3 seconds flat. I can make the nicest dress, look slaggy. It’s like being a drunk ‘Bond Girl’ who’s not really that interested in saving the world.

I’ve managed to get myself into a couple of arguments today already and i’m not sure why people aren’t learning the concept of doing as I say. It really annoys Me. (You think i’m kidding. Lol.) I think my dress is too tight. It’s making me all ‘uppity’ and the funniest thing about my morning so far, is that i’ve spent an hour of it, galloping through fields on a giant white horse.  I was all ‘skin to the wind’ Diva…then it rudely tried to buck me off into a bush. I nearly did my back in. (Hahahah…) It really was the wrong kind of venue for that kind of affection. It was coming at Me like it hadn’t had sex in 40 years!!! (I don’t know why i’m thinking about this right now, but i am finding the fact that when we were on the ‘Hilton’ show, on the farm Emma couldn’t go near the pigs, because she was on her period and they would’ve ferociously snouted her vagina, hilarious. HAHAH!!) Oh the joys of my mind…

Anyway life is good, work is even better. I’ve been going to counselling (Hahahahha….save me) over the last couple weeks and it’s really been amazing, as you may beable to tell. Plus, my sessions are always hilarious. I have a female therapist and we spend the time, laughing, taking the piss out of each other and then realizing that she might actually be the one that needs therapy. I tell her this all the time. I think she agrees. I only need her to actually say it…then i can get my money back!!! I love how therapy is now a game to Me.

I’ll be venturing into Manchester for a bit this afternoon…for a quick catch up with a ‘dandy.’ And yeah all is well in the world of Wunna…apart from the odd ‘pang’ of period pain. You know i’ve just noticed I never wear my shoes when i write my blog. How bizarre? And that i also write it anywhere. Like i once wrote it in a playground (don’t ask) and a gentleman took a picture of me, so he could say he saw me actually write it. I mean there’s been odder places than that…I just like to mention ‘playgrounds’ because it reminds Me of Gary Glitter and everyone starts hating me and getting thier knickers in a twistroo. I think the quote was (and i’ve already taken it back…so erm…FUCK OFF before you start ) ‘I model my life on Gary Glitter.’ My friend Harriet wants me to have a collection of Paedos, that I keep in a cupboard…i’m not actually sure why now?? But at the time it was hilarious.

I’ve decided to no longer be partial to negative, moody people. I’m an upbeat, happy go lucky girl and it really pisses me off when someone takes the wind out my sails. There’s nothing worse to me than a ‘Party pooper.’ Like really. I mean some people just walk around with a face like a slapped arse for no fucking reason whatsoever. It’s so boring. And yeah i might prance around like Barbie and be a little too ‘ohh laa.’ But at least i’ve got a smile on my face. Be it fake or real. Lol. I think people need to practice being fun. I’ve also started to notice how people try and control me. Boys do it all the time. It’s like they lose control of their own life and therefore find the wildest, funnest thing and then try to ‘rein’ it down. It’s not happening. I’ll set you on fire, have sex with you, then tie you to monkies before that happens again. God i’m sexy! I get it from Joan Collins.

But anyway, i will leave you with this for right now, as i have to go to the family planning clinic, to have strangers rummage in my ‘unknowns.’ I was on Twitter last night…I love Twitter…and my dearest idol (Russell Brand) stated, ‘EVERYONE! Let’s all just FORGIVE and give each other cuddles.’  It’s the motto of the day. If your holding a grudge drop it…it’s not becoming or hot and really quite exhausting. Tell the people you care about, why you do and why you appreciate their existance today…even if it’s sarcastic. Then get drunk. Be Merry and live this Wunnaful Life! Where’s my horse?

9 thoughts on “Shaken not Stirred”

  1. i hope u have a good day chrissie u will knock everyone bandi in your meeting dont worry and i bet u look lovely in your dress even though it is to tight. it is good to argue every know and then it lets of steam best of luck with the book and everyhnig sexy and cheers for the pic u always put a smile on my face when u put up a pic miss wunna

  2. i dont just love your swangers chrissie i think u are a diamond and all babe i have just been busy on the grind sorting shit out for going back ot vegas and whatnot and trying to get in shape to chirpse some richards over there ha ha ha

  3. Oh god, you never fail to put a huge cheeser of a smile on my face! That blog was hysterically funny. Once I read your blog on a train and many old grannys got angry at my loud laughter hahaha! Anyway, I LOVE YOU. No but really, I adore you. Start a talk show or something. I can just imagine it now. ‘The Wunna Show’. I really think you could make a lot of money out of that. Winky winky xxxxxxxx


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