Rubber gloves, Midgets and Romance

I’ve been up since 6am on a mad huNt to find my Mums glasses. I myself am blind without what i call ‘my eyes’  during the morning hours, but i enjoy it that way, as it fools me into believing i’m drunk and as well all know…i need that in my life! ‘Hellooo vodka…i miss you. Give me 5 more months and baby i’ll return.’ (I’ve lost count on months now. I was always shit at maths.) But yes, nothing is funnier that crawling around the floor in a baby pink nighty, sleep mask ready sexy, wedged on my forehead, hunting for *sight* and with my Mother, who was in white pyjamas with COWS on them!

We both pissed oursleves laughing at the disgrace we had become and with a ‘I’m a Glamour Puss, i can’t be on my knees without stockings!’ I got up, made myself a 6.15am cuppa tea and found myself in yellow rubber gloves. I am officially a DOMESTIC GODDESS! *Burns the toast.* What floozy has rubber gloves on before 7am! for those of you that have ever politely refered to me as a whore…you may know change that conundrun to ‘housewife.’ Yeah baby! (I can’t actually believe how much fun i’m having for it being so early. Well i can…and because i’m Chrissie Wunna. It’s freezing today!)

Okay continuing on from my rubber glove moment of domesticity, i then decided that since i had them on i should hand wash some of my panties in the kitchen sink. I actually SCRUBBED GUSSETS! HAH! There were zebra moments, hoocie moments, neon with pink bow moments and them a giant black cardigan that i thought i’d give a wash because it oddly smelt like cigarettes? I threw them in the tumble dryer, in my nighty, gloves, and now ‘sexy’ sleep mask flung on the floor somewhere by a tin of cat food and roses. Then realized that not only was the tumble dryer FULL to the brim with Tae Kwon Do outfits. (Random find? Yet where are the men who were in them hiding? *Licks Lips*) BUT…when i drained the sink out, that now had water the colour of good, clean SIN a circling, there was a chunk of BEEF (HAHAHAHA) an actual HUNK of BEFF, a small amount like the size of a Oxo cube, chilling in the bottom of the sink, that i had washed my panties in!! (I just can’t get away from that red meat!!) I’ve got to go to Sunday Dinner today with The Wattis Family (Pete’s folks) and my clothes will have been washed in BEEF!

I’m really excited today and just filled to the brim with ‘OOh laa.’ I hope you are too because we only have one life to live…or as we KNOW it, and it’s important we make the most of it, whether we’ve washing clothes in beef, in nighties, or waking up next to a stranger in Vegas. (I’ve done both.) *Shakes glitter off clothes.* Life is a lot more precious than you think. It’s all we have, without it, we can’t breathe, let alone make our dreams come true. Don’t ever take it for granted. Celebrate who you are and regardless as to what people think of you. It’s YOUR story! You are whoever you want to be!! Make the world yours! There’s not a moment that goes by that i’m not smiling and commiting to daft behaviour in order to accidentally keep my story alive. Love dont hate kittens!

I actaully got woekn up at around 4.23am this morning my a phonecall. I hate those phonecalls, becaus ethey make my eyes sting when i do actually wake up preoperly. I looked at my phone and it baby blue *flashed* the word ‘Jonny’ at me. He either dialed the wrong number. (Doubtful.) OR he commited to getting really pissed last night (it was Saturday, so why not) and decided to drunk dial everyone. Drunk dialing is fine, unless your drunk dialling you ex. I looked, fumbled around to try and make the noise stop and them thought ‘Fuck it’ and rolled over to cuddle my Lake District teddy bear.

I was in bed with someone last night. It’s weird to be snuggled up with someone in bed, and by the right hand side of you at 4 ‘something’ am and have your Black Berry, baby blue *Flash* the name of a previous option. It happens a lot to all Pusses of Glamour.

Yesterday was great!!! I shopped, spent quality time with my Daddy, he passed on his words of wisdom over coffee and then we had noddles called ‘Ho fun’ (best name ever) with my mummy! I LOVE famiyl days. I have parents who i’m EVER so lucky and grateful for. I could tickle them to death with glee…but then if they died, i wouldn’t get birthday presents. 🙂 JOKING! I ADORE them!

We talked, we loved, we laughed and organized the future. I’m the lifesaver of the family and that is after my Mother. I have wonderful support and so it was great sitting on the leather benches at the Frenchgate center watching people *strut* by with my Daddy and commenting on what everyone was wearing! He gets really into it because i get my layful strek from him. Then a denim on denim dawrf started undressing me with his eyes, all confident and 3 ft 2. He asked me out and then terrified me! It wasn’t his height that scared me. I love midgets. Plus, it wasn’t even his choice in matchy matchy…that i’d let him get away with because of his height. (It’s sort of like when you dress a baby in an ‘all in one’ Tigger the Tiger suit, it’s cute. Yet on a MAN -sized’s odd. Yet i still find it funny.)

Yeah it was none of the above that terrified me, but his HANDS! I mean he must have had them hidden at first when he was licking his lips at my Father and I. (That would’ve been an odd ‘hillbilly’ threesome of slanted eyeness!?!) Then all of a sudden and out of know where and because my stupid face *smiled* at him! (I’m a happy person, a flirty person, a people person. I can’t help but be inviting. ) OUT whopped these hands the size of hippos. HIPPOS! I even *jumped*..which was rude of me and didn’t even attempt to turn it into a *cough.* Holy SHIT! (All i got form you lot was ”Twitpic it Chrissie!!’) 🙂 Typical! As if i can stand there and take pictures of him, mid-moment. HAHAHA

At that point he lost me and i had to run away screaming, waving at little girl fans who had seen me eat noodles and then into the safe haven of a nail salon (Hollywood nails in Doncaster) to get my an extensions refilled and pearled. It fooled me into believing life was once again normal. I didn’t know midgets had massive hands? You couldn’t fight that thing with donkies! I loved his suggestive eyes. Later on in the day a homelss man tried to grab my right boobie. My Mum just looked at me and said ‘God, you’re pulling some right horrors today Christina!’

Other than all that, i feel GREAT, i’m slighty tanned ( we all feel better with a tan) and i am currently tumble drying.) I have a the next TWO days with Loverboy, beginning at around 1.30pm where i will tend to a yummy Sunday Dinner and i can’t wait. W’re really in love right now. We’re back to the fairytale. I’m in love and i can’t think of a better person to spend the rest of my life with. Last night, after he told me that he’s previosuly slept with loads of mingers (ever the romantic) and that he had moved his glass dining room table into the kitchen to replace it with a weight lifting chair, in the middle of his LIVING room. (He needs a dosage of ‘Queer eye.’) We spent the night talking about our future baby and how excited we were. Then i realized that i had a pimple on my left buttock and that i’d really love to be a Personal Shopper at Harvey Nics.

I’m loving life, living it and making my dreams come true. I’m currently surrounded by 5 lighted tealight candles, that have been placed between gold , fruit and flowers. How remarkably magical. Today is going to be AMAZING! (But yes…its fucking COLD!) *Grabs fur*

Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.