‘Rrrr’ is for Reversing



God!!! I can’t reverse to save my life! I think i’m only meant to go forward in this disco ball that we call ‘Earth’ and not backwards into things that might end up shouting at me. Hence why I always enjoy to catwalk strut, yet never appreciate a ‘Moonwalk.’

So, there’s this spot that I can’t for the life of me reverse out of, sue to it’s inappropriate angles and jiggery pokery. I’m driving Keiran around today and well he knows that i’ll have a go at anything, but THAT ONE SPOT kills me and it kills me because I firstly can’t drive into it properly, (it’s on an uphill, angle) and secondly I can’t reverse out of it…(because the space is too tight for my ‘behind the wheel’ manner.)

Today, the only places he’s wanted to go, has been around this spot, that i’ve had to park and reverse out of almost FOUR fricking times today. We went to the chemist. I had to deal with ‘the spot.’ We had fish and chips. I had to deal with ‘the spot.’ He then wanted to go back to see the lady in the chemist to set up a further meeting. I had to deal with ‘the spot.’ I can’t meander gracefully out of tight shimmies on wheels. There are people and buildings and cars and everything for me to smash into. I’m graceful at the best of times, but whoever created that area of parking needs a whack in the goolies.

In the end ‘The Hubbster’ had to swap places with me in order for us to get out of ‘the spot.’ He was obviously starving and wanted to get home as fast as he could. Some Hillbilly had parked right across the rear of my car. I can’t reverse out of that spot WITHOUT obstacles, let alone with Land Rovers making it tighter. That’s how good I am at driving. I can’t reverse. Keiran keeps praising me because he doesn’t want me to stop doing it, because it means he gets a rest from the old ‘brum-brumming.’ All i get from him is ‘Wow, i’m so proud of you. You are an AMAZING driver. Honestly, i’ve been in cars with people who have been driving for YEARS & you are actually a brilliant driver.’ Erm…? I can’t reverse out of parking spots. I don’t think that qualifies me for a driving trophy or a a title of ‘Brilliance.’ But at least he’s cute. He wants to be supportive and loving and that’s so sweet of him. However, i’m not an idiot. There’s always something in it for him. 🙂 At least I got fish and chips out of it. All preggos love a bit of fish shop.

SO, along with my whole, having a baby soon, talking to the people i’ve worked with at ITV for a ‘Baby Diaries’ show and adorning a grey and baby pink basket ball vest today, with over the knee socks. (Yeah baby, I still got it. Shame about my ‘over the belly’ sexy maternity leggings. They’re like clown pants, but with no hooter. I’m expecting water and custard pies to shoot out my nipples shortly and to circus music. Keiran finds my glamour puss, as in Hollywood-esque ‘over the knee’ cutsie patoosie attire sexy, even if i’m hugely pregnant. He has a smirk on his face like i’m a champion. He keeps spanking my bum and grunting ‘oh yeahs,’ at me. I kinda liked it, because when you’re frumpy, you want you’re husband to find you sexy. Yet then he took it too far by trying to tease me with a blowjob reference. I’m putting my baggy pants back on because when boys pretend that they’re teasing you about a receiving a blowjob, THEY NEVER ARE. They secretly always want one. I mean I only got out of sex because I told him it could bring on the labour. 🙂 He’s being strange because he’s always liked how I dress etc…I mean, when i first used to stay at his in my frilly pants and over the knee socks and a t-shirt, he would look at me and say ‘You are EXACTLY what I want in a woman.’ Easily please. However, now he’s taking it a bit over board because he now likes me to have my hair off my face, or in a pony tail or pig tail, in a short shirt and frilly socks. He likes me to look like a dolly. But sort of like i’m 5 years old. It’s hilarious. I’m flipping 32 years old, i’m a biddy and PREGNANT. It’s alright me galloping around Pontefract, dressed as a Disney doll, 7 months pregnant, like the naughty girl in preschool, who didn’t listen to her Daddy. I do think it’s cute because it’s very LA of him. I used to dress like that ALL THE TIME in LA and stil would if I was there. Yet, Ponty is NOT LA is it? It’s Ponty. I’d get eggs thrown at me.

Anyway, i got distracted! In 20 days time, we’re off to THE FOREST! I know you’re probably sick of hearing it now, because we go so much and we love it. It’s our favourite ‘stay in Britain’ holiday. When preggo, with kids or when you’re working a lot, you need to keep it close. This time when we venture off to the woods, for a bit of luxury, we’re going with what seems like Keiran’s ENTIRE FAMILY, which is hilarious. It’s ACE. Incase you didn’t know, he is one of like a gzillion children. (I’m one of two.) We’ve always loved sharing the things we adore with the people we care about, so we’re really happy and really excited that the whole family is gonna shimmie on down to The Sherwood Pines forest for a bit of hot tubbing in the log cabin for a week.

I am absolutely positive that it will be mayhem, as we’re all taking our children and bumps. The boys (the brothers) are super excited. The sisters are ready for a bit of relaxation and well i’m going to be nervous for most of the time spent there incase i squat over a tree stump and a baby falls out. 🙂

I can’t wait! Holiday’s are amazing and well this will be the first time we’ve all sort of gone on holiday together. We’ve rented out two luxury cabins and we all expect it to be wonderful. I’m doing my countdown. 20 days.

I really do need to learn how to reverse.

Anyway godda go…i have some interview questions to answer for some Wunna write up?





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