I’m currently naked and smell like pee. It’s been a day of McPranking for no other reason but ‘good times’ and well after my shower (that i’ve just had) i always have to moisturize my body work in order for it to smell like ‘deliciousness’ and also because i’m ethnic. (We go ashy.) Well now, because i spent the day smearing things on my guy friends face in public, i smell like piss. FUCKING HELL! Whilst i was gloriously bathing like the Queen of Greatness that i am, ‘guy friend’ was openning up my moisturiser bottle, dolloping half of it out onto a carpet and peeing inside in it for kicks. I guess he then went on to ‘mix’ is marvellous concotion with god knows what, but probably his girthy penis, and leave it on my bedside table…whilst he dashes off into the distance and starts on the champagne downstairs.
I saunter into my boudior all tanned, eyelashed, boobied and a little bit damp (wink wink) and start dabbing my self off with the towel. It eventually drops to the floor and i slowly grab my delicious smelling moisturiser that i got from Victoria Secret. (Ooh i love it.) I proceed to empty the contains of the bottle into th epalms of my hands and ferociously rub it all over my body. Smear it like the champion of all smearers! Oh my god! I was rubbing it up, down, round and round, deep hard and in every crease worth tending to. I suddenly stop because i can smell a ‘Tramp.’ But then i think nothing of it, and continue the rubbing and creaming. I stop again…sniff my wrist and realise that IT’S ME!! And i smell THE FUCK like PEE!
I’ve just rubbed someone elses piss all over my goddamn body! I fucking creamed it in!! (For those of you getting slighty turned on by this story…don’t worry about it, i’m getting a little turned on too.) Snail trails ROCK bitches!! I’ve dealt with the problem, managed to start all over again and i’m now laughing, champagne in my hand, with ‘Guy friend’ who has been awarded a new ‘Genius Status’ for managing to give me a ‘D.I.Y Golden Shower!’ LOVE IT!!! That’s the third time i’ve had someone elses pee all over me, in this lifetime. I am scoring major points with God. I can just imagine, i’ll be standing there in line and she’ll be like ‘Bitch what about that time you had piss on you??’ And i’ll simply claim that i’ve done a lot worse than that…so if i’m going down, send me done for something delicious…like the blowjob gang bang….and even that isn’t so bad. I mean some people get drunk and kill other peoples children. I’m not sweating it…i’ll ‘Rock the Sexy’ into Heaven, like the ‘Hoe’ that i am.
Oh and whilst i’m talking about ‘Rocking the Sexy..’ I’ve had a bunch of young girls (who shouldn’t be reading this blog…as it is for adults,) ask me what ‘Rocking the Sexy’ is? If you can’t yet walk into a bar and order a drink, then you’re technically not allowed to read this rubbish…but only because it goes sooo well with gin and i don’t want to steal the full affect from you. You can just steal you’re Fathers gin and proceed to read. It’s cool i promise.
‘Rocking the Sexy’ is being a chick that’s CONFIDENT, cooler like Fonzi, swaying the ‘ooh laa’ oozing with sex appeal, working it like you OWN it, being comfortable in your own skin and dancing the bedroom eyes like there’s no time like the present. It’s the ability to walk into a room, make it stop for 4 quiet seconds, and continue to fluster as you pass by. It’s the ability to have ever man in the room go weak at the knees, with simply a look…until you find that you’re having to step over a carpet of soppy male messes…with marvellously massive boners. I have this power…but kinda just not today, because today i decided to rub someone elses pee all over my body. JESUS CHRIST!!!
Doesn’t matter where you come from, what you look like, or what back ground so wish to have…if you can own and flaunt what God gave you, without a single care as to what anyone may think….( and it kinda helps if you’re a giant whore like Me…) then that my Darlings with help you get any MAN. We give them fever…they need us. WE are there ultimate weakness. Don’t sell yourself short, and KNOW that he will ALWAYS come to you.