Rising Standards, Jealousy and Eggs…

It’s a GOOD NEWS DAY people! I’m over the moon and because i finally managed to get some order back into Wunna land, slip on a bit of corporate attire and strut my way to money making. Nothing feels better to me than the simple art of love and the delicious art of money making. Now, i’m doing both, we can smile, high five and put that ‘w’ into my wiggle. I was beginning to ‘hit’ panic button, my hand was hovering over it. However now..i’ve grabbed the end of the nearest flipping rainbow. I’ve swung off it SO hard that it’s pulled around me like a blanket and filled my life with ‘cozy.’ Thank FUCK for that! 🙂 (And no…i’m not going to apologize for swearing, Like I used to always say, ‘swearing makes good times better,’ and well bad times worse.)

Okay, so this morning, as I snap you back to reality, Keiran wanted me to book him an emergency appointment to see the Doctor. They fitted us in like the smoothest of gloves and at 9.10am we were sat in the hellish waiting room…I’ve told you how odd it is in there, all dark green, fake foliage, and really loud classical music. It’s like a funeral parlour, or something? Everyone sat in their looked like the things you find under your sofa.. Including us..and all because of how the waiting room feels. It really doesn’t market the business of good health appropriately. It’s hilarious. Everyone sits around in silence, all awkward, glaring at each other, pretending that life isn’t happening. I was sat opposite ‘Disco Barbie who might enjoy bondage’ this morning. A young, tanned blond, in an updo, in a short neon orange, flowy skirt, black leather jacket and blue pumps. She was odd, but I loved her. I thought she looked great. Plus, it that was the waiting room to Heaven or Hell, ‘Disco Barbie’ was going to the Angels and simply because God would want to ‘roger’ that. If in doubt, ALWAYS sit next to Disco Barbie. When she white girl, disco dances in, you can dangle off her coat tails and get in for free. She kept sitting with her thigh out, all tanned and toned and annoying. 🙂 All I kept thinking was Keiran’s going to be imagining boning her. Then I paused, ‘in my own head’ laughed and told myself off for just ‘being an old, jealous Cougar.’ It’s hard getting older, but hilarious.

Anyway, back to Disco Barbie. Keiran spotted her from a distance, when we were parking. He always spots a Barbie and well i’d never seen him dart so fast into the Doctors ever. 🙂 He just followed his male instinct. But I forgave his foolishness, as she was only a young one. He’s far too ‘Old Man Thompson’ for such a girl and I found it funny. I’m the jealous type, so i know that if i’m actually finding it funny, i’m still okay. If i’m not finding it funny…he’ll know about it and so will everyone else. I’m not good at pretending everything’s okay if it’s not. I do try and pretend i’m not jealous, like ya do, but it never works because the bottling it up of it all just makes me be evil to the boy in other ways, as punishment. MY PRIDE gets the better of me and I like to pretend that i never feel threatened. #issues

Anyway, we get called in to see the Doctor, who just so happens to be my school friend. (He didn’t know that part. But yes, we know each other really well and we like each other very much. Lol.) Keiran’s rambling on about how ill he feels. (He thrives off being the focal point of anything.)  The Doctor’s doing a great job and looking cute as she ponders and checks his blood pressure. He’s going on and on and lifting his shirt up for the check up. All seems well, he gets told he needs a blood test, we leave the office all merry and chipper and what does my dear husband say!?! He commits to a dirty smirk and says, ‘ooooh, she was nice….’ *wink-wink.* And not just like he wanted to BONE her, (that’s Disco Barbie…he might bone a ‘party’ looking girl, but never settle down with one), but like he would romantically woo her medical soul and treasure her like he would a wife. Hahaha.

Now, Keiran and I are playful when it comes to things like that. No. Wait. I’ll rephrase that, I’M really playful when it comes to things like that, HE’S NOT. Hence why I never do it to him. He’d be far too hurt. Yet what I do like about him is that he’s not afraid to say that he doesn’t like something. If I was to flirt with a boy he’ll quite easily bring it up. If i witness it, I’ll pretend everything is fine and then secretly punish him for it, without telling him why because I’m evil and don’t like to admit that it made me feel ‘off.’

But yes, i turn around as we’re now storming out of the surgery saying, ‘OMG…you actually fancy the DOCTOR. You’re not meant to fancy the doctor. I mean, I even KNOW HER KEIRAN YOU IDIOT. She’s sweet, she’s rich, she’s a doctor, but she’s ENGAGED dear. You’re gross. Stop fancying THE DOCTOR!! You’re an idiot. Who do you think I am….I’m your WIFE, not your flipping GUY FRIEND. You’re not meant to say things like that TO ME…I’ve just HAD YOUR BABY. Have you forgotten where you are!!!!’

We giggled and rambled on for ages. He loves it when I play jealous, it brings a smile to his face because we’re like an old bickery married couple. Those couples last the longest. That’s what i’ve always adored about Keiran and I, there’s not really been any ‘fakery,’ we love, we shout, we fight, we tease, we giggle, but we express. We don’t play under a pretty umbrella of ‘perfect,’ when we’re good we’re fairytale and when we’re shit, you know about it.

Anyway, all he kept saying was ‘YOU could’ve been a Doctor.  All i said was that she was NICE.’ (I get lectured about not being a Doctor by everyone. I come from a family of Doctors and instead of making a the good decision of following on in their footsteps, for an easy peasy life of riches, owning my own surgeries and stability…I  flipping ran off to Hollywood to become a star (ugh) and ended up getting my boobs out for money! 🙂 Luckily,  I did do it quite well and still quite fancy myself as Playboy bunny and I married a movie star, I made a chunk a money and I got on the telly. But really now…being a Doctor would’ve been smarter, nicer and more rewarding. I always used to think for ‘now’ instead of my future.I even advised people to think for ‘NOW.’ But there’s a big difference between living in the present and thinking for ‘NOW.’ Live in the present, but do, do, doooooooo, plan your future correctly. Without a plan, you’re fucked. All successful people have a plan, even if they pretend they don’t.  (I now…have a plan, but it came a little late. 🙂 ) Fuck my lateness. 🙂 Three Cheers. It’s better late than never. Success can come at any time, you’ve NEVER missed the boat. I mean, you could even die and still be a success. But obviously that’s shit because you never felt the glory. Feeling the glory is wonderful and essential for all ego maniacs like myself. People suck up to you and everything, everyone decides to fancy you AND you get freebies. Infact, now that i’ve met Keiran, I’ve realized that i’m not as ego mad as he is. I’m actually quite normal. Plus, I can laugh things off a bit more and take the piss out of myself  because I already feel a sense of achievement. I’m happy go lucky. I always say people can relax, laugh and look back at their rags to riches story only once they ‘hit’ the riches. It’s not so fun, when you’re still in the rags because you hate life  during that time and everything feels shitty. Plus,  you don’t know if you’re going to succeed. I want to succeed and get to where I want to be. But i’m happy with what i’ve already done…and that is vital.  I think the art of being a mummy has done that to me. It’s made me a much more delightful human being. Keiran’s happy, yet not fully happy because he’s a man, and only when it comes to money, (not when it comes to women, so BACK OFF 🙂 ) who always wants MORE. I giggle and drink wine through my stress. He locks it all up inside and gets ill. 🙂 Yipppeeee! (I actually threatened to poison his eggs this morning, for fancying Doctors. I then told him that the next time a handsome man said, I was NICE, I was going to flirt with them horrendously, so he could feel my pain. 🙂 He all of a sudden snapped out of it, whilst cuddling me like I was a baby and said, ‘UGH…now you’re turning it into something it doesn’t need to be.’ Pahaha. You can’t be jokingly flirty and then not be able to handle it if it’s *Kaboomed* back at you. He had me in a child’s cradle and was saying, as he rocked me that i was ‘only a baby when he last did this and that I used to fall asleep in his arms.‘ LOL. Welcome to our world. It’s all playtime and fucking weird, unless you’re us. We love it.

But yes, at least his standards have gone up. He’s going to Doctors now, instead of random druggy party girls. He’s growing up. I think he always known what type of girl he wanted to settle down with and even though he might’ve bonked a few girlies, he’s a traditionalist and knows what he wants for his wife. The ‘front’ he portrayed was really not who he is or what he stands for, yet I think he believed that what he actually stood for, amongst the people he knew, was seen as gay, girly and not very cool. He’s wouldn’t chose a slaggy, druggy, party chickola for his life partner. He’d go for a sexy, yet elegant swan of a lady, who does well and is feminine. With me, he kills two birds with one stone, because i look slaggy 🙂 and i can be swan- like if I wish. I come from ‘good stock’ as they say. But you’d never really know unless you knew me. I like that he sees me as a swan like, girly girl, of ‘fresh’ and not a gutter flung, glittered mess of a tramp.

We’ve been really happy today and he’s danced around me with a smile. Our family life has really brought us together. Ruby is hilarious. She’s a madam, but it’s adorable. Ruby and Keiran play like there’s no tomorrow. We had wine last night to ease our way into dream land because she had tired us out. Junior is the CUTEST thing alive. He’s a comedy baby. I mean Ruby trumped this morning and at 2 months old he heard it and started giggling. We were all just sat around pissing ourselves and it’s those moments when you realize how great you have it.

Keiran’s just left to go measure up some golf clubs or whatever? He’s probably finding more things wrong with him so he can go stalk the Doctor. Lol. If he dares come back saying he’s sprained his wrist or ankle or whatever, i’ll kill him, with my bare monkey hands.  I mean when that boy goes through his mid-life crisis, he’s going to be a NIGHTMARE. This is why I date toyboys because hopefully by the time they go through it, i’ll be dead. 🙂

Anyway, he kissed me goodbye and when I jokingly said, ‘You’re sucking up to me because you fancy other WOMEN.’ He stopped, grabbed his clubs and said, ‘I’m kissing you because I love you,’ and he said it like life was simply GREAT and that he couldn’t HAVE a better wife.

I’m happy.

Three Cheers!

I finally feel like I’m doing well.

Leaving you with Rubes & Keiran…being Rubes & Keiran



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