Well good afternoon, you delicious peaks of glamour pussiness, dipped in a delightful swirl of candy coated yumminess, then sprinkled over with shimmie shake of ‘w’ for wittiness and dazzled to a bubbly blink of ‘booooyah-babiness.’
It’s finally the 5th of November. Not Movember. But November. (For the boys taking part in the ‘grow a huge scary beard through this month’ for charity…good luck, hope it doesn’t itch too much or even worse scare off your girl magnet mojo. 😉 )
But yes, it’s BONFIRE NIGHT, here in the UK. If you’re American (the country where this blog is SECOND most popular) you don’t get down with Guy Fawkes night. I get that. However, you like fireworks…so you might as well let a few off when you’re rummed up in sequins.
Is it just ME, or does no-one seem to care about bonfire night this year? Has it been too close to Halloween…which everyone seemed to take part in? Or is everyone just over it now because it’s cold, it’s almost Christmas and people need to save up, rather than squander their fine earned pences on parkin? Everyone’s so maungey about it this year, with faces of ‘do we have to?’ I have kiddies, so for me…it’s a MUST. But perk up humans. I mean for crying ut loud, all you have to do at the very least is light a flipping sparkler and call it a day, or sizzle a cracker into the sky with an ‘aww look.’ It’s not..well it is actually. 🙂 I was about to say ‘rocket science.’ 🙂 Perk up you miserable swines. You’ll all dress up like the Bride of fricking Dracula, but not whop on a jumper to strike a few bitty bits of sky fire.
Anyway, rant over. Instead of venturing out to watch a giant display, i’m going to be doing a cosy home, family fireworks night, which consists of food, drink, children (only my own children…not everyone’s children, so don’t come running 🙂 ) and fireworks. (If you do come running, i will charge an entry fee. 🙂 ) Now, I’m a fire sign, a Sagittarius to be exact, so I adore fire. I even nearly set my mums house on fire, when I was a child, by accident. AND my good friend DK’s appartment in West Hollywood. I’m good at accidents. There’s no slipping on a banana peel in Wunna land. We’re hardcore. I’ll burn your entire house down and not even realize. 🙂 Know that I charmed my way out of both incidents.
But yes, although it’s going to be short, simple and easy going, I will tell you that I am terrified of lighting rockets. I never buy them unless someone else is going to be doing the hard dangerous stuff. I just like to watch and ‘awwww’ when they pop up. If YOU get burnt alive mid entertaining me, then i’m not too bothered. 🙂 Lol. As long as i’m warm, happy and the children are enjoying themselves.
This year…i’m going to have to do it myself. Eeeek!! I was only going to do sparklers…giant luxury ones…with Ruby because of course she’s MAD on seeing them bitty-spritz everywhere like magic. Yet after being talked into buying a box of fireworks, that I have to DIY, i’m now terrified. They were only a tenner, because I wanted a low rent buzz, that didn’t kill me. I deliberately didn’t buy rockets…so they didn’t shoot off into someone’s eye by accident, by hot dogs..or wine..if you’re in Wunna land. 🙂 So, i bought rubbish looking, safe fountain spritzy things that I hope the children will love me for.
I was so panicked that the lady in the store had to get them out of the box and talk me through the process like I was a numpty. But in the name of love and for my little jibblets…i’m going to brave my fears and launch off a few bits of ‘ooooh’s.’
In case you don’t know why we celebrate fireworks night, know that it’s because a Yorkshire man, named Guy…came up with this dodgy ‘Gunpowder plot’ with 14 other people on November 5th in 1605. He wanted to blow up the House of Lords and failed. We celebrate his failure by setting off a gzillion fireworks each year on November 5th in commemoration and well we’re also meant to make a stuffed, paper dummy version of him and throw him on top of a bonfire. That’s a bit far fetched in my mind. Lol. I mean the poor sods dead for crying out loud, we don’t need to burn him alive, over and over again for kicks in woolly hats. So, we’ll leave it at that and all grow a beard for charity. 🙂
Life is good right now. I’m feeling strong, happy and alive. I’m positive and headed in the right direction and finally not taking part in anything that i don’t have a true passion for. If you do the things you love, be it in work, life, or people…;) …things are far better and you feel better because you have a buzz about you, instead of a drained feeling of misery. Being positive is a training and when something gets you down..and it will, you just need to be able to immediately alter your frame of mind and truthfully get rid of it by turning your nodge back to ‘happy.’ Do things that make you happy, to get you back to ‘Level Positive,’ because once you have that training down, you are invincible.
I’ve got loads of magazines in front of me..they’re smeared with Katie Price, who I honestly have great empathy for. I mean the break down of her marriage couldn’t have been that easy on her..and Peter Andre apparently cut his marriage tie via THE PHONE. (Never do that boys! It is bad form.) Therefore as a woman, i feel her pain. I don’t think she’s a bad human at all. And well, Pete’s done well for himself because he’s really not that bad a human either. Plus, he’s a good human who has a giantly talented PR team behind him. 🙂 It’s been orchestrated very well, so he’s very lucky. But I do think that he or they… sort of pushed his career forward by slamming hers.
The other magazines have Pussycat doll Nicole on them (who I adore and used to scan in and banter with when I was a wee one and worked at Crunch gym in West Hollywood. #namedrop #what) She’s made me restart my diet. I mean, I believe a full girl is a happy girl and a girl with curves should rock them. They seem more celebrated with *sizzle.* Yet then I see Nicole and my inner ‘Hollywood kicks in and before you know it, i’m launching bread out of the window and lunging to the merry sound of ‘waistline. I can do it. I know I can. I just need to be more disciplined. I need an incentive, otherwise it all seems pointless. There needs to be a prize at the end of it. I think that the idea is…as long as you’re healthy, you should nurture, love and celebrate the body that God gave you. Sexy is not a dress size. It’s an energy…an ‘ooh laa,’ a magic, a wink. Whatever makes you truly feel happy is what works. Right now, i’m on diet mode. Damn you Nicole and ‘Sh-Banging’ body.
The ‘Winkles’ have their school…well nursery photographs tomorrow morning. I only found out this morning and it’s crazy because who’da thought i’d have two little kiddies of my own! Whenever they’re photographed together it reminds me of how much i’ve developed and changed as a person. I adore them. They are the best ‘side salad,’ with a twist of soy sauce EVER! They’er two and 5 months now. But can you even believe that one day they’re going to be 20 and 22!! WTF!!! I can’t handle it. (Ugh, my my nose is sweating because i’ve just had a fresh chilly. I’ve annoyed myself.)
HAPPY BONFIRE NIGHT!!
BUT BE SAFE!