Rehab Rocks Innit


Loving life, loving my Christmas Break, getting my Ultimate ‘Pussy-sizzle-ooh’ on and feeling sexier than EVER! My curves are a venturing back, and my ‘humpage‘ is all a ‘Boom-Boom-Bam.’ My boobies are usually bitches, yet today they’re feeling cheeky. They’re giggling and flirting and eyeing up delicious dickheads and well other than making cups of tea topless, doing the running man seductively to our favourite pop christmas classics, pretending i have a willy, and stroking domestic pets, whilst contemplating taking over the world….i’m feeling fabulously ontop of this merry world today. I have great boobs and it really is quite superficially making me feel amazing. I not kidding when i tell you, my own boobs turn me on and my new ‘weightage’ has made them all busty and swollen. *she winks* I’m literally flinging off my bra, and jumping up and down with glee. (Note: I never actually ‘jump’ up and down. I’m too terrified to play with gravity.)

Being up North is fantastic, simply because it’s like rehab. I needed a break from work and the ‘party party,’ and well there’s nothing like being at ya mums, around peace, warm, christmasy ‘ooh’ to make it all better…and soothe the soul. I haven’t had one drink, or one cigarette since being here….but i have had a bit of an inappropriate ‘fiddle in the middle’ to 2 ex boyfriends, this morning. Yet i’m a woman who knows my body well and yeah it needs the odd bit of ‘personal time’ every now and again…on a daily. 🙂 Infact, it’s soooo ‘rehab‘ here that i’m having to destroy the peace . I have one of those new Airwick scents, lulling around the room. I had to ease my way into a temporary booze free state, so i chucked out the ‘peach’ scent and bunged in the ‘Mulled wine’ one. I know this is sounding, sooo granny ‘my life is all about air freshner’ loser, but it’s better than you think. I’m completely sober, but being fooled into believeing i’m pissed. My Mothers home now smells of wine. It’s like trailing in at 4.30am, but constantly. Oh and don’t worry, i’m not giving up the old booze or anything, i’m not that tragic. I’m simply taking a break, cos it’s my BIRTHDAY in 3 days and I intend to get ‘silly,’ and find the man of my dreams. Plus all madness and jiggery pokery, needs to be punctuated. I love a good time. We all know this. Yet to appreciate a ‘good time’… you kinda have to have a day off now and again. Like to appreciate your girlfriend. You have to have her taken away from you, for a bit.

I watched ‘There’s something about Mary’ last night. Love that film. I use to date Matt Dillon, and well it was the funniest time ever. He found me in a club, he got my number, (after tonguing another girl,) asked me to dinner the next day, (didn’t think he would call…but he did.) He drove to my appartment, took me to ‘Asenebo,’ we then met the Beastie Boys afterward and then he DRY humped me after a big ‘make out’ session at Chateau Marmont. I liked him a lot. But i was terrified. I couldn’t seem to be myself around him because he was all ‘Movie starry,’ and had dated Cameron Diaz before me. The ‘I’m not good enough’ got the better of me. I was young and insecure.  We all go through that merry stage and regret it. Hahah….! I mean i have boys do that to me now…not realizing that all i want is them. Try not to let insecurity get int he way of ‘magic.’  Anyway, i got really drunk and ruined it all. WOOHOO! I’m good like that! Great man.

Having fun, loving my life, tanning, winking and picking out jewellery later. I’m almost 29 and well i feel like the luckiest ‘Puss’ ever.  (I’m getting a Flashback of when i was at G-A-Y the other night, and there was this really drunk straight guy in there, in a santa hat. He asked me if i was ‘straight’ and when i said ‘yeah,’ he tried to feel me up, dance with me, and cop off with me, without my permission. Ewww…just because your straight and I’m straight and we’re in a GAY bar, doesn’t mean we want each other…you beast of ‘horn.’ I found it mildly disrespectful. I’m not desperate. (Only 84%.) I mean i know, i go on about how i need a man…but really it’s not because i don’t have options. It’s more because i can’t pick from my options. (And that’s the truth.) Like my best guy friend in LA  says : ‘Chrissie has a dry spell in love, when she wants a dry spell.’ 😉 ) I’m now going to stalk boys on Facebook. Touche.’ (Try and make the best out of this day, you glorious sexy bitches.)

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