I enjoy the fact that a merry bunch of Wunna Blog reading newcomers found my site today by searching ‘do the splits.’ Yes, i am the Queen of Greatness and yes i can part my legs in a ‘quarter to nine’ ‘do the splits’ in a more ‘i’m a child who enjoys gymnastics’ kind of way, whereas my ‘do the splits’ (a far superior parting of legs) is more for….sluts. With the other kind…you’ll probably end up winning ‘Britains Got Talent’ with. (Well done Spellbound …i will sleep with you ALL, thankyou very much. You horny little imps of six pack.) Yet with my kind of ‘splits’ you’ll probably end up with herpes, a baby or heart broken. Everyone’s a winner. I mean when i lay back and perform the old ‘quarter to nine-leg part’ my *whoop-dee* pulls a face like it’s hungry. Then it swears like a Pirate if it doesn’t get fed.
Annnnyway! God, i promised myself i wouldn’t be smutty on this lovely quiet Sunday. It’s rained all day reminding me of Camden. Camden brings the ‘dirt’ out in Me. I’m glad i’m not there right now. But yeah,i ‘m trying to return to joyful kitty mode. I’ve got 2 hours to do it in, before i meet my ‘handsome’ to celebrate our 3 old months of complete and utter happiness! Hold out for your ‘Happily ever after .’ They WILL come.
Today, i did lunch with The Wunnas. On the way to lunch my Mother bought a mercedes. A black one. She accidentally dented my Fathers car earlier in the week, therefore in order for her to look half way decent at work…she bought herself a new car. I was raised by this Lady. Hopefully now, you understand why I am, the way I am. If it’s broke BUY MORE! I’ve also used this theroy with men. (I love how i asked ‘Loverboy’ if i could have two boyfriends yesterday. When he said ‘no,’ i actually cried. HAHAHA. No word of a lie!) I’ve been avoiding phonecalls from ‘past pulls’ all day and only BBM-ing the people i like and haven’t abused.
All the way through the lunch my phone decided to ‘tinkle’ every 5.4 minutes. I’d have a mouthful of beef, then follow it up with a ‘Nooo Mum…i can’t pick that up. He broke my heart in ’06 and i still have his dog.’ ‘favourite child.’ (A good place to be!) Today was brilliant. I’m over the moon.
The rest of the day has been given to grooming. I should be doing drinks with ‘Loverboy ‘ tonight therefore i’ve tanned, i’ve dyed my hair, i’ve dollified my best features and made myself simply delicious. I despise that it’s raining, as it means my tan will run. Infact, i really need to stop hugging Wunna fans because when i do (oooh my ankle kills) i leave a dirty *smear* of orange upon them. If it wasn’t so hilarious, i’d be way more careful. Pete hasn’t even called me yet (well he text me this morning,) so i don’t even know when he’s coming…if he even is? How slack! I don’t like beginning my night too late, or waiting for people. It’s exhausting. Heeellllooo? 3 months much? I deserve medals, not piles from sitting on my pretty arse all day. A moment of ‘wait,’ for a me is precious time taken from my life. I love to LIVE. [Insert a sad face here]
Jonny on the other hand is bbm-ing me and telling me i’m beautiful. I told him that his niceness was creeping me out. He must be up to something? But yeah, i’ll take ‘beautiful.’ Why not? How nice of him! (I’m also currently informing @Omarbitch, My Darling Goddess that he should fly to Hollywood and become a star! Why not? I could think of worse!)
Anyway, i really must go. I have kittens to stroke and strangers to wink at. Hope your night is full of surprises! *Hair toss-blows kiss-giggles*
