My little boy kitten ‘Bruce Lee’ (He’s one out of three that i have) has just spurted his ‘Kitty Man juice’ on me. I don’t know what happened. One minute i’m watching ‘Loose Woman’ and stroking his back. The next minute he’s spurting spits of cum into my eye, with his baby pink pocket rocket! I’m raising really whorey kittens and i can’t seem to control it. I mean the youngest ‘Putu’ is currently only 9 months old and is already pregnant! She’s due in 2 merry weeks. I thought she was simply getting fat. Yet the vet assured me, she was up the McDuffy! I’m obviously a great parent. She quite disgracefully had sex with her darling brother, (whilst i wasn’t looking..i always miss the good stuff) and now due to this little ‘whoop-dee’ we have another juicy litter of pussies on there way into the Wunna family! Oops!
I’m feeling okay today. Still a bit run down. Still a bit tired. Still needing a great deal more rest, yet i’m dandy….for a floozey. Had a gentleman call me by accident at 7am this morning. Are there really accidental 7am phone calls? Yes it seems..he thought it was Ronaldo. Our names follow each other in his phone book. Wow, he would’ve got the shock of his life hearing my screechy battle-axe voice at 7am, instead of a smooth Portugese ‘ooze.’ I’m not one to be called before noon. I’ve been told i’m quite abusive around that time. It’s a delicious smear of inappropriate piss-taking. I’m actually quite ballsy in the morning because i don’t seem to care about anything except humouring myself and i’m under the misconception that i’m the Queen of Sheeba. I need to get eased into the day before i’m actually somewhat human.
I’m chillaxing today, because i’m wanting to go back home to LA. I’ve started to miss it A LOT and i think it’s because we’re having such great weather out here in England. It reminds me of Los Angeles. As of right now, i feel like i’m just tapping my toe and doing my time in good old Blighty, until i’m able to swan off back home, leaving a glittery trail of chaos and semen stained sheets behind me. I’m just lost here in England. Nothing is familiar to me. Hollywood has taught me some extremely bad habits. Like now it’s pretty hard for anything to AMAZE me. I feel like i’ve plonked myself in the country that birthed me, 6 years later and without a much needed map of emotional direction. I feel as though i’m under a lot of pressure right now and have a crazy amount of people with certain expectations of me….(be they good or be they bad) that i have to live up to. That’s not what MY life is about. My life is about fun, happiness, good times and laughter….doing what ever I so wish, whenever I so wish it. As soon as i feel the force of pressure….we have problems. People are living vicariously through me. It’s tough at times, so to piss them off, i’m deliberately CHILLAXING. I mean F*** them…my life is AMAZING!
I’m having such a bizarre time. Yet i’m grateful for all the stories that i’ve managed to tell from this little chapter. My life has changed and developed so much in such a short time. But it’s just not home. I’m an Angeleno. Saying that i am happy. So i should really stop complaining and start shimmi-ing to the beats of the British bongos, as i have a loooong time left here. It’s a great experience. I just wish it would hurry up! (lol) I have learnt A LOT about people! Infact, a little too much. (She winks.)
Oh and for those of you ‘Merry little Treats’ who are always going on about how they believe my blog is fiction. Let me tell you ‘Lovers’…it is 100% FACT! And Lord, i really have to CUT OUT a great deal of what actually happens…to save you from mild heart attacks and from knowing who’s actually loitering around in my life, at the time. You would DIE!! Some of my closest friends don’t even know. For an open girl, i’m extremely GOOD at keeping secrets. I’m as loyal as they come. Just because your life is boring, it doesn’t mean mine must be. You just don’t notice the amazing things that happen to you in a simple day and i want you to!!! That’s why I’m the Queen of Greatness….and unfortunately always sitting on the ‘naughty step.’ REJOICE! Pass me my heels.