‘Oh what a beautiful Mooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrning! Oh what a beautiful daaaaaaaaaaay!’ As you can see i’m in a fabulous mood. The sun is out, the body is ‘DAMN’ (say it like a black man) ‘FIIIINE,’ and i have the most glorious pair of ‘Mis-match’ pyjamas on. I prefer to sleep naked, yet for some reason i’m always terrified that in an emergency, or a random ‘fire drill’ (not sure why i’d think there’d be a fire drill at home??,) I’ll have to jump up from my beauty sleep and save the world or something naff like that. Who am i kidding?? I just couldn’t be bothered to find a matching pair. It’s kind of mirrors how i pick my men. And ‘oh…’ the sad revolving door of dashing suitors, there has been. However each was a tasty, sweet deliciously exciting (well some of them) adventure. Having played ‘girlfriend’ zillions of times (hahaha, sorry, i’m just remembering a time, i turned up at my ‘monkeys’ house, and when the door was opened, i said…’Yes, i have cum on my shirt,’ and strutted straight past him to doll up.) Where was i? Oh, being ‘girlfriend’ a ‘trizillion’ times, means you can ACE any relationship. I’m really good at the job of ‘casting’ now. As soon as they utter 800 words, i can pretty much decide whether i am to send them their cosy curb seat, just bonk them, or set them a place on the otherside of my heart. RIGHT AWAY! I can see through ANYTHING, because i’ve been EVERYTHING!! However, on occasion i get a little stumped, as the hot hollywood huntsmen, often blind me with phenominal ‘audition technique.’ A round of applause to them. However, it only takes a little merry 3 months (when the itch comes) to figure them out, by being a complete HORROR of a girlfriend. Only the strong, and pure survive. I’m not one who wishes to be standing next to Mr.Faint Hearted. I don’t know why i perform this trick, as i’ve been on the recieving end of it, and yeah it’s not fun. (hahaha) It’s funny now though!! Chasing after boys all drunk and in heels, screaming , ‘Love Me, love Me….pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease,’ after a few drunk dials, and ‘accidently on purpose’ turning up at the exact same place, at the exact same time, to ‘woo’ them with sluttiness. (Some say ‘Stalking.’ I say, Dedication.’) In the end, i had made such a terrible name for myself, that after about a year, i didn’t have to do any of the chasing. I just sat on my fat arse, in the sun, sipping my green tea frappacino, in my little skirt and watch them flock, struggle, and do the ‘Love Me please,’ act. Made me feel powerful. That’s Hollywood for you.