Porky F****** Pies

Oh my god, i just had a massive arguement with a boy who refuses to argue with me in person and insists on doing it via Blackberry Messenger. Which is really quite annoying, because when i’m shouting… i need a face to shout at. Anyway, he was one of the dashing suitors that had agreed to meet with me for naked spooning. Yet stood me up at the last minute via the fine art of ‘trying to lie to me.’ I’ve lied so much, in this jolly little lifetime that i can spot a big fat porky a mile off.

Anyway earlier today he decides he’s going to pretend that none of his evil ‘Tom Foolery’ ever happened and quite happily sends me one of those rubbish ‘hey hey’ messages. People type that when they really don’t have anything to say or they want to catch your attention. I’m not gonna let any boy try and beat me down, without treating him like ‘crapola’ for a good few minutes. I know my worth…and girls you should too! Don’t sell yourself short to losers who don’t deserve you. It’s a foolish mistake we make over and over again. The odd thing with me is, that it’s always the ones i think would treat me badly that treat me AMAZINGLY. And the ones i should quite easily have in the bag….that seem to mistreat me. (It’s all about insecurity. They try and play it cool.) Boys are terrified of me and automatically think that i’ll treat them quite quite awfully. But i’m a great girlfriend….ask ‘Latin Lover.’ (To be honest, i am a bit rubbish sometimes. Lol)

 Long story short, it leads it way down the merry path of those troublesome home truths…my particular favourite weapon, when it comes to battle. I’m not scared to pull a  few ‘low but too true ‘blows, in order to prove a point. It actually does someone good. I’m a great fighter…yet honestly more of a lover. (But that’s the floozy in me. I’m just drawn this way. Sluts rocks!)

He tries to win this arguement by making hopeless attempts of his version of the truth. Luckily, i was in the right…( and i’m usually never ever in the right) so this was an easy ‘WIN’ for me. Plus i’m quite good at my own hopeless versions of the truth. It’s just hard to type them, faster than he does. I think i broke into a sweat. However, just as he thought he was being ‘too cool for school,’ i then slapped him across the face with a few bits of ‘he didn’t wanna hear it’- straight to the nut sack honesty. (He no likey.)  Then he attempts to pull the ‘tantrums don’t wash with me’ line. (Which is soooo 2002) Like what is he on about? My tantrums work with everyone! (Girl, you bedda check yo’ text! Okaaaay!)

Anyway it all ends badly, even though we’re still friends, who’ll probably have sex again soon (so nothings really changed.) We’re just not a ‘love connection’ as we’re both far too egotistical. It’s just plain raw sex…we shouldn’t have ever even complicated it. Some people are just built to have sex with one another. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s true. I really believe that. I mean i’d still bonk him…even though he drives me up the wall. I don’t have to love him. I just have to enjoy him for a bit.

The good thing is, i managed to get my line in…which should be filed under ‘Guilt Trip.’ At some point to make the someone you love feel awful during an arguement you have to say, ‘You could’ve had me forever….you just didn’t want me.’ OMG! It works like a charm. Who needs a rabbits foot? (Who needs one of those anyway. They’re fucking rank. If you carry the foot of a rabbit, you deserve bad luck.) No-one likes to lose anything, so the sheer thought of that line and the loss it insinuates in like a delicious dagger to the heart, and they immediately say ( and almost without any control) ‘I do want you!!‘ I had my ex-husband say that to me, in my old appartment a few years back in LA, when we were secretly having lots of sex behind everyones back. It always stuck with me and i’m thankful for it, as now i can use it on others to make them feel awful.

If i’m being honest, i do actually want to apologise now…(hahah) as i feel terrible when i fight with people. I’m a lover all the way. But my pride refuses to let me because whenever i try to make up with people, they always enjoy throwing it back in my face. He needs to apologise and make the effort to impress me, as he WAS in the wrong and if he doesn’t… then shame on him. As it’s always the guy that sits at home listenning to sad love songs in his room on his twin bed. We’re chicks, we can have anyone we want and it takes about an hour of flaunting it in a bar. Yes, i throw tantrums and yes i’m a handful. We all fucking knew that!!  It’s the beauty of Chrissie Wunna. Girls, the right guy (and i know a few) will always look at you and think you are amazing regardless. I’m lucky!

7 thoughts on “Porky F****** Pies”

  1. well I’m glad you had the high ground on that one,i usually try to avoid getting drawn into those situations whether I’m right or wrong,as far as sex goes,I’m just simply unable to have sex with someone i don’t love,i tried many times but i just cant get myself to go through with it for some reason,i quit trying because i couldn’t understand why,sounds strange coming from a man huh?,especially someone like me who has spent years in strip clubs and dated strippers,i can go through all the foreplay,etc..fine but when it comes down to the act itself i cant get myself to do it when i am not in love with the girl,I get hard but i cant get myself to go through with the act..go figure,on second thought,dont

  2. Thats crazy…i’m like the exact opposite. I can have sex with anyone who actually has the ability to turn me on and not love them one bit. Love to me, takes a long time, it’s a trust, a friendship, a loyalty.

    Sex is like Playtime for me. (Don’t read this mum) Sure when you have an emotional connection with someone you love, the sex is amazing. But someitmes you just have a sexual connection with someone…nothing more or less…and that too…is amazing.

  3. falling in love depends on the person i guess,i can fall in love instantly,don’t you believe in love at first sight?

  4. You are 100% correct. No “love at first sight.” Strong attraction, yes. Lust, of course. But love? That takes time. And it doesn’t always come about simply because of frequent and prolonged bouts of sex, either.


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