So Ruby went to her first birthday party yesterday, to celebrate the lovely 3rd birthday of ‘Matilda who is Kelly’s little daughter. Now, due to Rubes having moi, as her mother she has been carted to many a function, or a wedding, or a cocktail hour, or some form of entertainment meet up…to the point where she maybe quite wrongly is more used to a function of that sort that simply going to a kiddies party. (But that’s my fault.) Anyhow, yesterday in bed as we woke up and i weirdly had Donald duck stuffed in my left boob…i explained to her that she would be going to a birthday party that day…and well she had no clue what i was going on about and i knew this when she looked at me, all doughie eyed, with her half bedroom kitten ‘fro and simply said ‘Shopping?’ (Anything that’s not nursery, home, or grandma’s in her life, is shopping.)
I explained it to her she didn’t get it, so anyway as life goes the only way for her to understand it, was simply to let her experience it. (Rubes is one of those babies that is super confident and comfortable around environments that she knows. She’s playful and giggly at nursery, or at home, or simply around familiar faces. So as i walked her on her kiddie reins to little Matildas party..through the doors, through the refurbished bar and into the back room, where the children were a celebrating, she was suddenly all shocked out of her curly pigtails and decided to get a wee bit frightened. Awww… Lol.)
This place was LOVELY for a 3 year old’s birthday. It looked like the poshy VIP area of a nightclub, with the lounge factor going for it. Kelly had hired a giant pink Princess bouncy castle and it was being delightfully thundered upon my happy birthday going children to everyone’s favourite chart songs. (There was one point where little boys where thrusting and air punching each other to hip hop tracks that made them feel sexy and to the ‘Eye of the tiger.’)
Anyway, there were delicious chandelier, crystal like balls suspended from the ceiling and from that moment Ruby felt safe. 🙂 Anytime there is a bouncy castle, with a chandelier above it is also a winner for me. Quite bouji for a 3 year olds’ shindig and although shy at first, Rubes finally let the fun get the better of her and started to have a bit of a play. (It was more like bits of play, followed by spurts of running back to Mummy for security and juice, whilst trying to make me bounce with her on the castle. ‘No darling. Mummy doesn’t bounce. No baby. I’m too big for it. Ruby honey, i’m in wedgies…Rubes!!! Oh okay then, lets go, but only if you wiggle for me…’) Even i’m shy at children’s birthday parties and i have no idea why? Well it’s kinda a first for me to, i guess?
It was good to go and be there and feel surrounded by warm happy friends that i knew adored me, who like me are just doing life the best way they can. I loved seeing Kelly and i felt so comforted by seeing Karan. (A friend i used to work with, who i just really love for her feist.) I felt like me again…and like i had true, no bullshit support. (And that’s the only kind of support i like. I’m a girl who doesn’t like that pretend flowery- flowery support and one who simply more appreciates the folk who aren’t afraid to tell me how it is, celebrate what i’m doing right, when i’m doing it right orsternly tell me off when they know i’m doing wrong and in return, i offer them an honest friendship right back. I’ve always been that way and anyone who knows me, knows that. Especially when they’ve done wrong. 🙂 I’m quite openly mouthy at the best of times and even when i shouldn’t be…which is most of the time. Yet they always say voicing your opinion is liberating…and it is…it’s the right way to do things. However, it dunt half get you into trouble. Lol. That’s when you need to learn the art of wiggling and wink. Before running off into the hills as fast as you can in heels.)
Basically i felt like i had support and when you’re taking the next chapter in life, and you’re about to begin a heavy work load, you’re tinkering in entertainment trying to make your mark, but at the same know you still have to promote your book, make ends meet, love your one year old like she is the only thing in the world that matters and with ANOTHER baby on t it’s way out into the world via your, what seem like over-active loins…you kinda get a bit terrified. I’ve felt like i’ve been having to do it all alone. However, now looking around a room of women and the odd dad, with their children at this party, i realised that it’s not such a big thing, it’s everyday normal life….and i’m just being dramatic about the load of ‘ooh laa’ that i feel like i’m taking on and because i’m not use to doing it. MOST women with children, work hard and have o juggle their dreams, with their home lives and their social lives and their world to make it work. Lots of women have a child and one on the way. It’s not really like i’m being told i have to make it to the moon and back b y 4.30pm on a Tuesday in frilly knickers and with a picture of Rolf Harris. (Not sure where that came from?) What i’m going through is normal and i guess i’m not used to the general in’s and outs of such a normal life. The Hollywood stint has affected that. The always having help has affected that. The pursuing of entertainment has affected that. Yet it was in that moment where i felt human, (under a ball shaped chandelier, by a giant pink bouncy castle, with my daughter frightened of ‘boys’ and children thrusting to LMFAO on a stage infront of me.)
Not only can i cope, but i can do this with ‘ooh laa.’ I’ve never felt happier and more confident and i think it’s only when you feel that way, that you can move forward and only YOU are responsible for getting yourself in that mind set. We all like to blame everyone or anyone, or something for everything. But really it’s us. Only the strong ones see that and simply get on with it…without moaning. I was on a lunch date today and i gave that advice of being positive to them, as they looked forward and saw a being drained of all life juice, misted with grey cloud, with a side of lost and who cried into their pasta.
Those moments are fine to feel, embrace and absorb, but really you are the only person that can snap yourself out of it and the sooner you do, the better life becomes. Love life, it loves you back. Hate it and you’ll get fucked because you’re choosing to not enjoy the wonderful things you have going on it it and focusing on the negative. The longer you push the blame and refuse to perform a ‘snap out’, the longer you hold onto negativity. The longer you hold onto negativity, the more pasta you’ll find yourself crying into.
My mum has always said that one of my best traits is the fact that i’m a human who can go through something so bad and dramatically moan about it, weep, scream, tantrum and can-can emotionally…only to stop, realize no-one’s watching me anymore 🙂 and just get on with life, whilst being happy with all that i have surrounding me. And that’s the trait that is slowly making me a success. (Hellooo Agent calling! 🙂 )
I’m lucky, i feel lucky and i’m certainly feeling unbreakable. (And with an exceptionally great tan.) I’ve actually had to buy Ruby toys today because she fooled me into believing that she understood the concept of ‘someone else birthday.’ There she was, all fine with no presents and dandy with her gift giving. Until she decided to nightmare about it in her sleep (lol) and repeatedly cry ‘toy’s, toys, mine, mine.’ Before nursery she wanted me to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to her non stop until she felt cuddly again.Then she asked for ‘money’ to buy ‘toys like Tilly.’ So, call it bad parenting, but ah well, i’ve gone and purchased surprise gifts for her today, so she feels less left out. Oopsie!
Anyway, time is flying and i’m glad i’ve checked in. I’m in London over the next 3 days. I’m working tomorrow, doing a bit of modelling that i’m really really excited about. I’m probably going to have to stay over, to stop me from having to loiter around train stations at God knows what hour, pregnant and on my own. My Wednesday is actually free, apart from a phone interview and a bit of travel and then Thursday and back down for a day of filming and another photo shoot. I likey!
Then it’s FRIDAY and that will be Baby RUBY time and REST!!! I’m gonna miss her.
Other than that, i don’t really have anything else to say? I am quite scared about travelling on my own pregnant and i don’t know why? It’s made me a bit more anxious about it. Maybe because i’ll be sober? 🙂 But i’ll be fine. And OH MY GOD, the game of ‘Pass the parcel’ is literally EVIL. There was a moment when Kelly and Phil had managed to get all the children, from the ages of 1 to 8…to sit in a circle to play this delightful nostalgic kiddies party game. I’ve noticed how adults LOVE IT. We watch and ‘aww’ and teach our little one to learn sharing and ‘passing’ and all sorts of grown-uppy ways that world needs us to be. When really if you take the adults away, all you have is a bunch of little children sat in a circle, CRYING their eyes out, because they haven’t won a prize. HAHAHA. It’s a circle of greed, envy, heartache and pain…and to happy music. I found it Hilarious! (Rubes got a lolly, because Kelly fixed it for her to get to open the parcel. She knows my ‘diva’ child. if that girl didn’t get a sweet, there would be trouble…shy or not shy. It did work however, because as soon as she got her lolly, she wasn’t bothered about playing anymore and was quite happy to pass anything over, with a swift direct ‘hope you win next ‘ happiness.)
I truely hope you have all had a decent start to the week and just so you know, no matter what life *wangs* at you, and no matter how far you fall, you can always slip on your heels and frisbee it right back. All it takes is the right attitude, a correctly adjusted heart and your fingers crossed. A smile helps too and simply so you don’t look shit scared when doing it. 😉 I guess we all just want to get to that place in life, that we’ve always internally dreamt of. Some do, some don’t, but it really is only the strong ones that get there…even if at the time, they look weak.