The fact that i’ve only had one glass of red red wine (two) and i couldn’t remember the actually web address to my own website means i am what i like to call ‘Greatness.’ I currently have Britney’s ‘slave for you’ playing and i’m practicing lap dancing to myself in the mirror…which has trees on it?
Today has been delicious. I’ve wallowed in ‘ooh la laa,’ shopped for under garments, shoes and dignity. Then i found myself working rather hard, being excited about working rather hard and then stealing handfuls of ‘glow in the dark’ condoms. I don’t find them erotic, yet i do find them funny. I want to put one on my Pete, in a dark dark room, to see if it looks like a light saber. If it does, i will be gleefully, over-joyed and he will he rewarded with the best kind of ‘naughty naughty’ any girl can think of…on wine. *Reaches for her naughty tips.*
I’ve been up since 7am, so i’m not only tipsy, but delirious..bare with me. I’m out tonight for further merriment…so i thought i’d feel the spirit a little early, firstly because i’m in an astonishingly GREAT mood, and secondly because it always manages to *feel* me. I’m really happy with life right now. I leaping around with a glint in my eye and an ‘ooh laa’ in my heart. It’s a good feeling. I’m so glad, i turned over the page and go onto this new chapter. It’s worth a *wiggle* i’ll tell ya that!
Yesterday, i apparently typed my 16,oooth tweet and i didn’t even realise. Hopefully it was to an actual person and not a simply ‘ramble’ on about my life. If it was, tell me and i’ll cyber kiss you, and send you a signed piccie. (Lucky you. lol) I used to give out signed pictures of me in leopard print bikinis, in pubs, as a teenager. (If only i was joking!) Everyone in Ponty remembers the story better than i do…yet that’s usually the case. Infact, i’m confused as to how everyone in Pontefract has the best memories ever?? They can recall tales of tales from 1952…and all of them are mildy disgusting and abusive. Woohoo!
I need more food, all i’ve had today is one of those ‘count the calorie’ pasta salads from Marks & sparks. I’m NOT ONE BIT a calorie counter. I don’t think it’s sexy. I love my body. When you do, and you feed it..it loves you back and when it does…Men do. And when men do…you’re a Glamour Puss! Once you’re a Glamour puss, you’ll then find the gays and girls will adore you, (and ALL glamour pusses must love their gays & girls)..,and when that happens..you are one hit of a hoochie mama! I have a great audience. I hate saying ‘fanbase.’ My ego oddly prefers audience. (I lied…i actually do like saying ‘fanbase.’ It’s playful, it’s fun, it’s kitty…it’s Me.) Anyway, my audience is made up of young girls, old girls, straight men, gay men, young men, old men, everything in between (due to my feist and oddity) and from the ages of ‘teenage’ to ‘almost dead,’ and all over this merry world. Being a Glamour Puss *sips wine* is fun. We are people who enjoy deliciousness of every form. We aren’t afraid to flaunt it. We aren’t afraid to speak our mind. Yet at the same time we are loving, kind and ‘oooooh laaa daddio.’ (Don’t buy a salad from Marks & sparks..you’ll be starving later. It’s made the vino go straight to my head and i’ve got to try and get ready for tonighta. Oopsie! But whatever, i’m Chrissie Wunna…no-one expects me to be sober, after 10.32am.)
I can’t remember what else happened today and i’m wondering why i keep getting adult acne? I love you all very very much and may this world protect you from any danger, that doesn’t end in a smile. If you’re reading this..you’re sexy. I’m drunk. You’re ace! Happy Monday!!! (Fuck it’s Monday!) My phone accidentally called a Brothel last night, when i was on the loo. God knows how a kinky massage number is in my phone? *Wiggle-wink-Pout.* But Yeah, we definitely had very diferent views on a ‘happy ending’ and the importance of an ‘afro goodge.’ The rest of the day (five mins of it) was spent picking out diamond rings and pearls with my Mother. The only one i liked, (i’m quite particular with my jewels..when i’m NOT buying)…was accidentally £20,000. I thought it said £20 and was boosting about how unmaterialist i am!
My Mother enjoys the fact that i like expensive jewels. It oddly makes her think, she’s raised me well. Then she followed on her great parenting by asking me what was ‘sexual’ about a ‘pearl necklace?’ I paused and thought about my actions….(i mean it could’ve been a trick) and before i could explain my ring of man juice, sticky blingage…she said ‘is it like a golden shower?’ (I was definitely concieved via the art of slaggy sex, hence why i’m all kinds of floozey. I blame her for it all. ALLLL, i tells ya!!!! I’m a product of THEIR dirty union. Even my last name is suggestive. ‘Wunna?’ There’s no point in even trying to save me.)
If you ran the London Marathon…well done INNIT!