So i’m currently on a train to London. It’s kinda a little vacation from working, but not at all as it seems i’m working all the time. It’s not even 1pm and i’ve already been to three different towns for work. I’ll be at Vendome tonight with Samuel…so at least i’ll beable to let the old hair down. I’m excited! (She purrs…) I’m surrounded by a bunch of odd people who have opted for staring at me  and it could be because i’m dressed like a hopeless Barbie yet on a laptop which confuses them, or it could just be that i have too much fake tan on, which clashes with my lime green jacket?? Who knows? I love it! I feel sexy as hell today and unfortunately slightly big headed. REJOICE!! (haha)

To my left is a big blind lady, who’s black guide dog is eating my ankle. She keeps talking to me, offering me wine gums and telling me that her daughter is a slag because she keeps pushing babies out. I think she just said, ‘She needs to keep her knickers on.’ Hilarious! The gentleman to my left has ‘Trapdoor’ (yes from the kids tv show) as his ring tone, which he scores 10 points for as he is cleverly disguised as an elderly stuffy business man. He looks like fun. That’s why i keep winking at him and deliberately stretching, so my boobs stick out. Whore much? (Shut it…it works every time!! How do you think i get through this life!! Helped me pass my driving test.)

I have an Indian man sitting across from me, who is thankfully asleep, as when he was awake he was being a bit of a pervert and perfoming this bizarre sequence of ‘sex’ faces at me, whilst gentle cupping his balls, with his legs wide open. I tried to throw a squashed  up reciept (that i cleverly turned into a ball) into his mouth. Luckily i have awful aim and it glided through the air and dropped right infront of me. I’m a shit thrower, i’m better at pulling things a wee bit closer. Now i can smell pot??? You can always smell fucking pot on trains! I don’t know why they bother. I mean it can’t be any fun being McStoned on this bumpy ass ride of a train..with me in the background trying to make you paranoid by staring at you like you’ve just smoked pot. (haha.) I hate stoners! You lazy herbal bastards!

I’ll be pulling itno london shortly me thinks, where i’ll be trundling off to Regents Park to check into my hotel. I guess Obama (that hot stallion of a man) is in town making it impossible for unimportant hoochies like me to get hotel rooms ANYWHERE worth staying in London. I usually stay at The May Fair, yet they have no room at the inn. Sooo terribly Baby Jesus of me. Now i’m forced to stay at the Melia White House Hotel (whatever that is?)..hopefully it’ll be okay? I just need to relax, have drinks, have fun and spin around as fast as i can to the music going on in my life.

I’m now a bit fed up of everyone staring at me on the train, so i’m going to quit blogging…(i just kicked the guide dog in the face, cos i’ts gunging up my ankle and making me smell of ‘beast,) and plug in my ipod. I intend to drown out my environment with ipod Hip Hop music…which i might try to sing a long very loudly to for random comedic value. I need coffee. I’m exhausted!

Chrissie Wunna

3 thoughts on “Ooch-Chi-Wally-Wally”

  1. fuck of if i owned a hotel i would give u a room over barak obama anyday of the week treacle .if next time u cant get one in london stayt in palms on the a127 there is even a club in the hotel lol.i hope u have fun in the mannor how long u here for just tonight? u always go the plush gaffes cant u ever go warehouse so i can buy u a glass of shampoo. and also babe uare a sort u are always gonna get looked at and u would hate it if u wernt lets have it right have fun and have a drink for me okl

  2. what i am only telling it how it is i would rather have u stay in my gaffe than barak obama. yes he supports west ham but he thinks we are european we aint we are english. i hope u had fun but let me know when u come essex babe


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