On the up…



SO….yesterday evening, after spending the day with ‘The Wunna’s’ at Xscape for Father’s day, with Baby Junior, as Keiran tended to golf, i arrived home and got ready to see my little Baby Ruby. She’d been at Pete’s all day for Sunday dinner, which is her day to enjoy time with ‘Daddy Pete.’ I’d missed her all day and well i’ve been feeling awful really for her, as she’s having to adjust to the new situation at home. We’re all adjusting and it’s been hard.

Anyway, i’d got everything ready for her arrival, made her a snack, sorted out her night time comfort milk…and THEN I get a text from Pete saying that he was sorry it was taking so long for him to bring her home. She was refusing to get ready and didn’t want to come home. In fact she didn’t want to come home SO much because she was adoring her one on one attention with Pete, that she ended up staying over the night at Pete’s, which is something that has NEVER happened before. She is usually ALWAYS asking for ‘Mummy’ even before it’s due her home time. So, i did what any little glamour puss would do, who adores her little Baby girl more than anything…and wept. Boy, i cried my eyes out. I was heartbroken and simply because it’s never happened before. It made me feel like I made her sad and she felt happier elsewhere and that’s what hurt.

Yet at the end of the day she was happy last night because she got to rest in what she believed was her ‘happy place’ and even though that may have hurt me, her happiness is what matters and that’s what i’ve always loved about the Pete, Keiran and Ruby situation. I mean it’s completely amicable and loving. We do the what’s best for the children and never ‘drama’ it out. Plus we don’t need to, as there is a great deal of respect between us all. We’ve been raised well.

Yesterday Pete came to the door to pick Ruby up and she ran into his arms happy has can be to give him his Father’s Day card. (She had made two at nursery, one for Keiran and one for Pete.) He picked her up and kissed her..I stood in the doorway with Baby Junior in my arms. Keiran came and stood behind me to say ‘bye bye’ to Rubes and Pete asked to see Baby Junior with love in his eyes, as he tickled Junior’s little baby feet and admired him with a whole heart.

I cried because it was new to me. But really if I put myself in Pete’s position he’s had to live that way EVERY day because of a decision I made, that was out of his hands. Yesterday evening he would’ve felt loved and he would’ve felt important…and i guess if I step out of my own pity party for one…it’s lovely.

Anyway, on the whole life is good. I’m feeling much better and bitch slapping my hormones back into place. They thought they got the better of me, but really they didn’t..thanks to encouragement, love and a whole lot of ‘yeah baby.’

Keiran’s been wonderful, (as per usual) and i feel really grateful to have him. Due to my own merry issues and down to dating millions of hideous men…(not all of you before you all start) I sort of lost my faith in men, romance and maybe even myself for a while. My own insecurities, but only when i’m feeling negative make me think that he might not REALLY love me…and that it was all just timing. I could’ve been anyone. Then when i feel better about myself, i’m all ‘he can’t do any better than me.’ 🙂 So LADIES, it’s important to always find your ‘va voom’ as fast as possible, because it’s that glow of happy that seals your deal and helps find you that Prince. When you’re miserable..well no-one’ll want to bonk you and well no-one will really fancy you, if they haven’t invested in you already.

I got ‘hit’ on this morning, when I felt I looked my worst, whilst jumping through a bush of nettles with electricity in my hand. (I was like an X-men..but not as Heroic. Fuck Nettles.) It sort of perked me up and made me feel ‘ooh laa’ again. It’s hard being a woman, but it’s funny. Like my hubby said the other day, ‘Yeah you’re probably a lunatic, but you’re OUR lunatic and we love you.’ 🙂 That’s real love.

I received a lot of messages after yesterday’s blog and it sort of showed me that my blog does work and that not only do I have support and people reading this bit of babble 🙂 but lots of people are going through the same. Today, I looked at my life..not through rosy tinted Diors…but through REAL (with contact lenses, i’m as blind as a bat) eyes and well…i realized that through my real eyes…my life was marvellous. I have a beautiful family and yeah things may have been hard, yet making it harder on myself isn’t gonna aid matters. Plus, when i’m back to work i’ll be wishing I was back at home cooking pasta, scrubbing gussets, watching ‘Real Housewives’ and looking after the kiddiwinkles.

The thing that i’m most nervous about now is the ‘dollar.’ Children are expensive. I was as a child and well I still am . 🙂 I need to rake in the millions so that we can all breathe, buy freedom and do nothing but enjoy life, without stress and with love. Anything can happen. Nothing is impossible. I have great role models and a shot. (A ‘shot’ at life and not of tequila…i’m not that lucky. 🙂 )  It doesn’t matte rhow much money you have, my mum taught me that you always have to earn it, because you never ever know what will happen. She’s 63, not even NEARLY hard up… a DOCTOR and STILL working. I’d like a shorter, more glammy work span of ‘heave-ho’ but still be able to bathe in gzillions. Oh and I wont buy tractor lawn mowers for £750. (That’s what my mum decided to purchase because she couldn’t work the normal lawn mower. The faffing took too long so she bought an entire ‘sit on it’ tractor lawn mower…JUST for the back garden.)

I tried to charge Keiran for a back tickle today. It was £1 per one minute tickle. He didn’t quite get the concept of paying me. ‘I want a ten minute tickle babe!!!’ I just looked at me, smiled and said, ‘Yeah…TEN POUNDS!’ Then he attempted t exchange a cuddle for a tickle. (Our world sounds like a cheesy, Amsterdam, comedic, 20p… Peep-show.)

But yeah…life is good. I feel lucky.

Need to make lunch.

Catch ya later hotties. x

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