Oily Rub Downs.


Kitty Kisses, Oh sweet ones!! I sincerely hope life is dazzling you with an abundance of wonderous joys, a bundle loads of delicious ‘hubba-hubba,’ dipped in a gooey squidge of excitement, sprayed over with a mist of delight. If not…do gin. Plonk it in ya morning cuppa ‘joe’ and slurp it until you feel you can handle the morning. I’m a completely nightmare in the morning. Not with people I don’t know, as I tend to hold face with those that aren’t as close to me as others. Yet if you have the unfortunate position of being Keiran or Rubes, where it is almost impossible to avoid me in the morning, before i’ve indulged in a giant mug of coffee…then I’m one grumpuluffagus. This morning, after no sleep whatsoever and a guzzling toilet, that insisted on making rude noises at 2.15am, a Baby named Ruby who decided to scream ‘I WANT MY DADDY,’ on repeat in her own bit of dreamland and a rather kicky bump, who will shortly be making an appearance in the world, with a touch of swag….then you have a very sour faced Glamour-Glamma-Puss, in the most fabulous weave (I completely adore it right now, i look like i’m the cast of Charlie’s Angels) and an attitude problem. Oh and to top it all off, we now have MORE problems with the boiler. Isn’t weird how you get a man in to fix it and then do temporarily, only for you to have to bring them in again to tamper with it more. This time the flipping boiler is GUSTING OUT HEAT, like there’s no tomorrow. Meaning we will carefully place the dial on a calm, warm ooze of yummy, only to have the madness of a devastating HEAT hurricane, blasts it’s way around the house at the speed of light. But i’d rather have too much heat, than no heat at all…so whatever, it’s all good.

This morning, I was sat next to a yellow and pink plastic playhouse, by nappies, toys, a nursery outfit, Peppa Pig playing on my phone and a human thumping through my belly, in giant fake eyelashes and a tan that would suggest ‘orange,’ hoping that I’d soon wake up and be able to crack a smile on my face. When these moments happen in life, you either have to find them hilarious, or you need to wake up quickly. They are your only options. I sat there grizzling around until Keiran brought me tea. (He sleeps downstairs, so he doesn’t have to deal with the looking after the baby duties during the night time hours. That’s men for you.)

I’ve snapped out of it now, because i’m having a good hair day and well after looking at how productive I was yesterday I’ve decided i’m greatness. The hubby swanned off to his golf lesson and well I chaperoned my mother to her massage. Followed by the sorting out of the utility payments. Then I filled the car up with petrol (Keiran enjoys to run it on ‘red’ forever and simply because he’s tight with petrol giving. I think it was completely on ‘red’ and instead of filling up, he drove it all the way to Wakefield and back. Doesn’t bother me, as he’ll be the one pushing it back to the petrol station once a week.) Then i finally got the car washed, followed by a big old tan session, a chillax and well then I gave ‘King Hubby’ an oily rub down. I only felt like doing it because I had watched my mum’s massage. He sort of laid there like a Gladiator, rambling on about how he was going to conquer the world, as I rubbed his feet. *Rolls eyes.* It was hilarious. But he’s being chipper…well apart from calling me a ‘Haggard Witch,’ the other night. 🙂 That’s his way of flirting. I much prefer diamonds. 🙂

We’re actually doing really well right now and we’re dipped in a fairytale love and mainly because we’re back to finding our balance and well in a few weeks time i’m giving birth to his son. So even though you might think i’m being grumbly, i’m actually not, we’re doing really wonderfully and it’s funny that we always manage to pull up our kitten socks and ‘get on with it’ when we need to. I’m happy. Really happy. And when one is really happy, then can certainly conquer mountains, in heels with a wiggle and a wine.

I still haven’t managed to complete the interview questions yet and Fabulous Magazine rang me yesterday to ask me a few questions?

I have an Earl Grey. I can’t WAIT to be going on holiday. I’m certainly on chill mode now and definitely should be with the bambino on its way within the next 7 weeks. I’m going to attempt to live with a stress free attitude of ‘ooh laa’ until i am forced to have my leg in stirrups in an ‘ass out’ gown, having to push a male out of my ‘lady part,’ in order to introduce him to ‘life.’

I’m apparently going to put on a pound a week from now on, which is scary in itself. I guess it’s in the last weeks where you pile on the weight, as even though i’m a giant, I don’t feel too chubby just yet. I still feel quite fabulous. I’ve watched my diet this time around and been a great deal more careful, as last time through pregnancy, Pete insisted on feeding me 22 fully cooked, starchy meals a day, which even though I appreciated, I hated. He used to adore stuffing his face and well i’m more of a snacker. A being who nibbles when she’s hungry. He was certainly a food pusher.

Luckily, this time around, Keiran’s let me do whatever I’ve wanted, so i’ve felt much better. It’s been emotionally stressful, but when it’s come to the correct eating and resting…it’s been pretty good. He was grumpy yesterday because I left the house without telling him where I was. *Rolls eyes.* He was at golf and when he returned he expected to see his wife at home scrubbing gussets to Barry Maniow tracks or something.

Instead, I was gone and I forgot to tell him where I had ventured off to. I was only with my Mother, not bonking random gardeners in preggo lingerie, behind his back. I mean, AS IF…i can hardly pull my own pants up, let alone ‘reverse cowgirl’ a stranger to ‘ooh -ahh’ thrusts.

Anyway, because I didn’t text him, or call him and didn’t have lunch ready, he was mildy moody. 🙂 He’s left the house before without telling me where he is LOTS OF TIMES. I returned with a smile, two jacket potatoes, a roast chicken sandwich form Cooplands, and oil to rub on his back. He was distinctly grumpy because his possessive nature had got the better of him and he nearly burnt the house down trying to make pizza for himself again. 🙂 (‘WELL, you should’ve been HOME, Chrissie!!!’)

So, i ignored him, stated that he obviously didn’t want his oily rub down and got a delicious, warm shower instead. He was soon up there, all smiles, trying to mend a broken bridge. He’s easy to manipulate. 🙂 He can’t resist an oily rub down. He galloped upstairs all roses and light, with a smile on his face, stating how beautiful I was. *Wiggle-wink.* Men. So transparent.

But on the whole life is wonderful, the love life is perfect, Ruby is so adorable and well the baby is about to make an appearance shortly.

Yikes! Wish me luck!



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