Obsessive swine like Me

The great thing about being me, is that you can complain about anything and suddenly you have an inbox full of magical well wishes, love and adoration. (My favourite.) Perked me up a treat. I wish everyone had that! I mean, there were still the odd few ‘penis/pussy/do i make you wet’ messages, yet i do still sort of need them…y’know for future reference, lonely nights in, to massage the old ‘ego.’ Plus, the ‘perv’ in me, feels bad for scorning the other poor innocent ‘pervs.’ I mean it comes with the terriority..i’m a Chica with her ‘b’jeecas’ out and to be honest i’d be a bit pissed off at me too. Infact, i’m always a bit pissed off at me. It makes me work harder to impress myself….usually via the medium of irritating others, until they want to gauge their own eyes out with rusty bread knives.

As of right now, i am currently unhealthily OBSESSED with a boy, that in my mind is treating me badly….by being not interested. We’re meant to be dating! He hates me already.(HAHA) I have been ridiculed by Losers (my best friends)  all day for such desperate manic behaviour, as i’m usually so ‘Cool like Fonzee’ and they’re usually quite ‘pass me the loser card.’  Yet really…i don’t know whether it’s because i simply want to have sex with him again, or whether i just want to win him over, whether i actually like him, or whether i’m just bored…? But i’d do anything to stalk, manipulate and rummage through his undy drawer right now. (Smell them, lick them, boil his bunny. Hold me!!! ) HAHAHA! Tragic!

The funny thing is, the more i write this blog, the more ‘over it’ i am becoming. (Therapy rocks! I’m lying i’m not over it at all. I want him.) It seems when you put things down in writing, you suddenly realize how ‘devastating’ you are. You’ve laid your life infront of you in script form. (Black and white.) It’s great because you can see what you’re doing and edit the parts you don’t like from both your blog, and if you have the strength….hopefully your life. Yet, at the same time it’s tragic because you end up crying into your  dirty martini….or weeing yourself with laughter. Both a bit messy and not going to get you on the GQ Hotlist….like EVER. ( I feel really sex starved right now. My hormones are a racing. I need MAN. Aaaaargh!)

Half of me is like, ‘hang on a second’…boys only want to sleep with me now because i’m on the telly. Why am i being so retarded. HOW DARE I not use my new british celebrity status to get felt up by as many penis’ as possible. I should be risin’ it baby! I could be getting more arse than a public convenience right now!! I’m too busy being ‘love me’ pathetic and winking at myself in mirrors. I’m letting the side down. (I’m also currently being bullied via Instant message by Wazza and by 15 year old boys, who do impressions of my ‘annoying voice’  on Youtube.) I think i’m just bored and wrongly believing it’s time to start rolling in that revolving door of lovelies. Y’know hobby boys. But then i really can’t be bothered. I just want one. And like i always say, one to lurve me right! (She purrs.) A good friend of mine once said, when she found me crying in a car over a penis: ‘None of these men are good enough for you. So stop!  If it’s penis you want there’s plenty. Every man unfortunately comes attached to one.Lol…i miss her. We’d listen to Amy Winehouse in her car and be happy. (She was hiding from her husband at the time). We’d drive around sunny West Hollywood, leaving our troubles on the glittery paved streets of sins. Bliss!

What i despise more than anything right now is ‘Facebook Chat.’ OMG!! How annoying is it when it doesn’t work, and makes you look like a spastic. I’ll type something to a McDreamy…and it’ll completely freeze up, making me have to press ‘Enter’ almost 2oo more times, like a lunatic. Then it tells you in red, ‘facebook couldn’t connect you’ blah, blah,blah. So you type your brief sentence one more time, and then out of nowhere it fucking all starts working again and insanely shoots your one sentence up 42 times…making you look like an obssessive idiotic swine! So it’ll say something quite embarassing like :

‘Your Hot

Your hot

Your hot

Your hot

Your hot

Your hot

hot

hot

hot

hot’

…all at once. Hilarious! Like i’m the spawn of the fucking devil and i suck on yellow sponges!! I can’t cope with it anymore!!

13 thoughts on “Obsessive swine like Me”

  1. u funny fucker vhrissie it is good to let your geelings out via on paer or a boozed up chjat with pals as u know u always get the truth of them espexialy after a few uris down the battle. i hope u chirpse the geezar u like chrissie if it dont happen it is his lose coz he is missing out on a lovely sexy funny young lady so i hope u get all u want and look forward to seeing u on the box again thursday chrissie. i am sorry if i sometimes say the wrong things bbe i am sghit at saying the right things

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  2. danyal falconer is retarded geta life and a job and if ur 16 then u need to act it…i dont see how u have the cheek to comment on chrissie….also by coming onto her blog u must be obsessed get a life u freak

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  3. Jeepers! Aww…thanx for all the sticking up for me fellas. I love that. Its sexy. You get winks!

    But in little 16 year old Danyals defence..(lol) Bless his heart!! I did think it was funny. hahaha…just could’ve been better! lol

    Oh and yeah 15-16 makes no difference to me. You’re still to young for me to have sex with. hahaha

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  4. I wonder if seany and scratch have seen the video.
    And if they have, then I wonder if they saw the comment, and my comment back to you underneath it.
    Then they would realize that I was having a laugh.
    Also, if they took a look on your Wall, they’d see I have nothing but compliments for you.
    (Oh, and for the record, I have a job, as well as going to College doing A levels)

    Sex? Wrong tree, girls =P I would love to join you out on a manhunt though, that’d be hawt.
    I’m coming up to London tomorrow. You gonna be there Chrissie? I think you should welcome me off of the train. Haha! You’d get a cheeky wink, that’s for sure!

    Loves it x

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  5. LOL @ Seany. Has he had a sense of humour bypass? Does he not watch the likes of Alan Carr/David Walliams/Peter Kay, sending up celebrities for a LAUGH? At least Chrissie has a good sense of humour. Mimickery is a form of flattery, and people who can laugh at themselves are happy and content within their own skin.
    God help the impressionist if Seany is in the audience, he might get “offended” if they do an impression of a sexy hot girl who he dreams of every night, and stomp right out!
    Try this: Comic Relief : Friday : 7pm : BBC 1 (unless easily offended!)
    Keep winking Chrissie
    xxxxx

    Reply

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