Number 1


Me and my Number 1 gay, best bitch and part time lover…(yes we dry hump, don’t hate.) I have great great memories of this time of my life and i only wish i could do it all over again. I think we were getting jiggy at ‘Maya’ and all i remember is standing on all the tables, Lady Gaga being there, Flic interviewing us and boys pulling up my dress to see my bum. This was the night i got most drunk with darling amuel, who was yelling at me for stealing his house keys. Like we couldn’t even see…You only live once!!! I fucking love  show it. Flic would always wrestle with him and i would always just fuck him. (We stuck to our strong points!!)  I’m the Number 1 Glamour Puss in town. I’m bringing the ‘Ooh laa’ back into this country, whether you like it or not. Obey me, love me, worship me. Then take off your shirts and fight for my attention. (Who said that?) If you’re on Team Wunna, it will make your ride a lot easier. (Wink wink pout- strut, strut bump.)

Other than that…i’ve just woken up. I have an important day of grooming. I think it’s essential for all girls, all femmes to dedicate one day of each week for grooming. I mean you should all want to look your best. (And anyone telling you any different, and that it’s superficial, is usually wearing a scrunchie and not getting laid. I’ll be telling you my ‘beauty secrets’ (haha cracks me up) later on (but hopefully i’ll be a bit drunker) and not only do i dislike any kind of biscuit that as one chocolate covered side, any sugar coated candy, one eyed animals, deformed willies and negative people…i will be opening up and telling you a little bit more about Me. (OOooooh Laaa..) Well unless i forget and then you’re pretty much fucked and will have to be forced to suffer through this terrifying world of horror without my ‘very well manicured, but shaking from all the booze’ hand of guidance.

5 thoughts on “Number 1”

  1. I swear she said at the start that they were at ‘Maya’ Scratch….. just goes to show you’re not here for the textual content eh!! tut tut tut

  2. … or as many scrunchies as physically possible at once while fingering theirselves around the back of the bike sheds.


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