Nearly Time for Bonking in the Forest


I cannot even begin to tell you how my last couple days have been. My trip down to London was amazing. Almost too good to be true. Yes, i’ve been filming and in good old showbiz fashion, i can’t tell you anything about it, until a years time. Life couldn’t be any better and i am truely astounded at how lucky I am. I’m once again grateful and well still having to pinch myself, under the night stars..the night stars that i stood under at 1am, the night before my early morning trip down there, after a phone fight with ‘away for a couple days’ Keiran. Don’t worry..we’ve made up. It’s just the fact that we’re not used to being away from each other and well the first night is always a bit hidieous. What i did learn was the depth of our love. We love each other so madly and well if a boy truely cares for you, he will always make sure you know it, regardless. Therefore it’s important that you Ladies feel empowered by who you are. A good man will come once you’re there and when they do, they will treasure you forever. Why? Well because you’ll glow with a confident deliciousness and a happy warm of magic. (On the train back i sat next to a man with a Bible who got chucked off the train for not having a ticket and swearing at the nazi conductor. 🙂 ) I also noticed a boy on the train boasting to his friend about how badly he treats women…like he was some kind of modern day Adonis. All it showed me was how tragic, lonely and insecure he was. (And he was doing ‘denim on denim.’ 🙂 )  Every man knows that a girl loves a ‘Hearthrob.’ A hot boy, with a warm heart. Only a young girl, loves a bad boy. We love romance and to be cherished and if he has a few extra quid in his pocket, then we’ll love them that little bit more. 😉 He looked at me like he had a shot. I looked at him, like he couldn’t even REACH to miss a punch in the Wunna league. 🙂 You can ‘play’ your random local hoochies, like a guitar thats on it’s last strum. But taking a Cupid arrow at  your little asian Glamour Puss really is a whole different ‘game zone.’

Anyway, i got ditsracted… I ditched the negative (after my ‘night before’ Keiran bicker) and got on with my positive. I woke up at 6am, slipped into my polka dot bra and fur booted forward onto 3 trains and two taxis to my destination. Long day, but wonderful day. I can’t believe how lucky i am. All i can say is AMAZING and i did it all in a pink polka dot bra. Woohoo! (I did have clothes on top. Well done me. Moving up in the world. 🙂 )

Got back home just after midnight and OMG, my body decided to give the good old middle finger and conk out on me. I spent the whole of yesterday, being the most ill a little glamour puss could ever be. I couldn’t move, i couldn’t talk, i couldn’t see, i had been dazzled over with a heavy ooze of the flu and when all you have are meatballs, you’re in trouble. I’ve actually really had no time to be ill, therefore i think my body just scheduled, ‘ill time’ in, whilst i was on my own. What i will tell you is that meatballs don’t make you better. EVER! There i was chewing on them, with my ever so snotty nose, squinty eyes and whilst printing out pictures of cock rings. (Love my sex life.) My good friend ‘Gary’ claimed it was like a porn. Now that i think of it, meatball porn with a snotty nose, really probably is as messy, but without the money shot. 🙂 (If i’m being honest i did whop out a vibrating ‘pocket rocket’ 3 times, in order to help me feel better ;) can take a floozy out of the bedroom, but you can’t take the bedroom out of the flooze and well i then proceeded to make homemade remedies in hope to GET BETTER, which consisted of everything everyone on Twitter told me to do (Thank you everyone, the remedy that worked was by my good friend Ali, who made me do the honey lemon bullshit. Then she got horny looking at trees and began threatening to wear no pants. ‘Just stilettos and a smile’ is what i suggested. However Ali went with ‘Tart with a heart.’  I do adore her and i AM making her boobs my bridesmaids. I’m passing her my floozy torch now that i’m getting wed. It’s like a slaggy relay. A ‘sexed up version of the Olympics.’)

Anyway before all that ‘honey lemon’ bonanza, i was doing Pringles with Tabasco sauce, to aid my broken body. LOL.  Very sexy. (Probably not to normal people, yet totally to Mexicans and carb lovers.) I don’t have time to be ill. I need to be well for my getaway and for filming. Luckily, i’m Chrissie Wunna and my friends knew that all i had was the ‘floozy flu’ meaning that the only actual remedy would probably be a shake and a gin. I think i’m missing Keiran sooo much that it can’t even function without him being near. (Anything to get out of the cleaning. 😉 ) I finished yesterday off, with no voice and wine, because i’m really sensible like that..with my aches and cold sweats…and well i will tell you that wine really does work. Yet probably only if you’re me. Apparently i’d ‘drink a a gallon of bleach if it was dressed up in a cocktail glass.’ Lol. (Thank you Gary.) This is why i’ll die a legend. Or well just keel over..without any glitter shadow, to sad love songs.

I Tweeted loads yesterday because i really had nothing better to do, whilst ill. It actually felt great, to get back in with my cyberland peeps. Now that life is busying up…i just don’t get the time anymore. It’s work, wife time and baby Ruby every moment. But it’s just the way i love it. I will say that i have HATED BEING alone without my ‘handsome’ hubby-to-be for the last 4 days. It’s been devastating. I’ve missed him so much and felt like part of me has just wandered off somewhere, into life, without me. It’s been awful and i’ve craved him. Yeah we’ve talked and he’s tweeted, yet nothing is better than having him in my arms, or just around me. We’re both like that. Yet he’s scored major points for tweeting this:

‘..not long to go and i’m all yours. You are the most beautifullest girl my eyes have ever seen.’

How could i not adore him! Absence is annoying, but it does make the heart fonder and my loins need a bit of ‘daddy love.’ Extreme bonking will be occuring once i get my grubby little ‘yay he’s back’ hands on him. I just want to have his eyes, infront of my i know that everythings back to normal. I LOVE HIM.

ANYWAY, tomorrow…yes tomorrow, we BOTH finally remeet and venture off to our luxury log cabin, in the sherwood forest tomorrow, to relax, rejuvenate, enjoy each other in more ways than one (ooh i want him 😉 and finish off celebrating his birthday.

I told you that i had booked us a getaway, in a two storey, four bedroom, with champagne and a hot-tub in the forest luxury bit of ‘ooh laa’ and it’s finally here. I cannot even wait!!! I wanting to get there asap and with him by my side. He needs a bit of a chill-fest after his week of work, yet we will be filming on Monday, whilst we’re there AND then half way through it i have to go to London to do a bit more, during our vacation. I don’t think i’m going to let him out of the bedroom. (‘You’ve been a naughty boy..GET TO MY ROOM!’ 😉 )  Poor thing. My body’s never craved for him more. Lots of love, lots of rumpy, lots of fairytale. I can’t wait. Gimme! Gimme! AND it’ll all be around nature. Which Keiran really loves.

I’ve actually never been on a forest holiday before, so hopefully it will be magical. Oh and for those of you who thought i was going camping. HOW DARE YOU! I’m a Glamour Puss. I don’t go camping, or even glamping.. i can only do luxury. ‘Camping’ to me is wiggling to Kylie at a gay bar, in no knickers. There’s no tent in the forest…we’ll have a house and a fucking hot tub.

However, saying that, i’m just happy to one… be finally with my yummy hubbster and two…that i’ve inspired some of you to rent you’re own time in a forest log cabin. I’d let you come and visit us, but unless you’re good at swimming in a sea of ‘himbo-kitty cat’ semen, there’s no point. (To my gay friends..that does not mean you can come. 🙂 You mucky twerps.)

I actually have lots of work to do now and whilst i’m there for Wednedsay. I can’t wait, because life is so exciting right now. Plus, i have all my book stuff coming into fruition. I’m wanting it to all hurry up now and get on a shelf in a bookstore. I’m sooo glad i’m feeling soooo much better. Now all that’s let to do is tan and the world will be a better place. I cannot believe how much is happening to us in life right now?? And it’s only March! I love that i’m gonna get to bonk in a forest. HAHAHAHA. I adore my life!

Love you.

C x



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