My Stressy bit of Chill Day


Happy Sunday folks. For those of you who managed a church trip. A round of applause to you all. For all of you nursing a shitty hangover…a thumbs down and another rum and Bloody Mary to ya! (In LA every Sunday the bars and brunch cafes were littered with ‘Young Hollywood’…a team I was very much part of at the time and this was by noon, if not before. It would be blistering hot and you’d see all the same people you saw the night before, or even people you never ever saw, but everyone sort of knew each other. There were only around 3 or 4 cool places to go do ‘hangover brunch’ at …so your chances of bumping into everyone was high. It was Bloody Mary’s for everyone, as it was the only thing that was kind of classified as ‘food’ that you could handle when feeling so rough. The good thing was the simple fact that it was Hollywood. You may have felt rough, but you would’ve looked AMAZING. If not immaculately perfect. It goes so much better with an egg white omelette or smoked salmon brunch in the heat. Over here in Yorkshire, no-one does ‘Brunch’…let alone bouji dolled up or tragico ‘player-player’ with Bloody Mary brunch. If that happened, ti would be a treat of some sort, where it was the norm over there. The lifestyle is completely different and I think it’s down to the weather. Ain’t nobody wants to be in their glamour pussy outfit, sat in the rain by pies or a fry up., with a Bloody Mary. It’s just not the same. It lacks ‘Juuusghj.’ But I do love both and for what they serve and for what they represent to me personally. If you went to church today..well done. I’m not a church goer, nor am I very religious. If I was anything, i’d be Buddhist, because that’s how my parents raised me. They’ve actually ventured off to the Pagoda today, as it’s the day Buddha was born or something? Being Buddhist is beautiful, i love all the times that ive’ ventured to the golden pagodas both here and abroad. They really know how to doll a place up, in shimmers, glitter, flowers and gold. And there’ so something calming about having monks in orange robes bless you. I’m banned though. So i can’t go. 🙂 Maybe in my next life.

What was I going to say? Oh..yeah…yesterday I shopped. Nothing new. Great day. Lots purchased. Eager to weirdly decorate and sort out the house which is normal during the last part of pregnancy. I’m about to have a baby when i start scrubbing the floors apparently. I can tell you now, i won’t ever be scrubbing the floors…like a loopy crack head. I intended to do a bit of cleaning up today, yet now it’s got down to it, i can’t be bothered. I just want to nest and eat pizza.

I will tell you that I weirdly bought loads of hair pieces yesterday. It’s all about hair pieces these days, i’m telling you. You get immediate ‘glamour pussy’ hair and well I’m rubbish at hair, so i’d rather plonk on perfect hair and wiggle my way to victory. Whilst I was in there getting fitted, Ruby managed to find a giant, long, Miss.World esque hair piece, which was quite wig like. She placed it on her head ( it went all the way down to her calves and was as giant as my ego) and she posed in the mirror, smiling like all her Christmas pressies has come at once. She adored it and when I saw her, I played along with her and giggled wit glamour. Then ‘Grandma’,,,my mother dearest yanked it from her pretty head stating that it was wrong. 🙁 So the fun was over. I think my mum has actual real life fears that Rubes will grow up to be just like me. It terrifies her, as she wants her to be a doctor, or something prim proper and poshy. Ruby immediately started moaning at the fact that her Miss.World hair has been snatched away and then demanded to have a weave put in. 🙂 #thatsmygirl I drew the line at such behaviour, with a ‘Babe, you’re TWO…no.’ (I enjoy that I can have adult convo’s with Ruby like she’s a chick friend, that I created.

I returned to sorting my own Miss.World hair out. I didn’t want to commit to it, simply because Keiran had dropped in the hint that he wanted me to have better hair and it half made me feel like I was just doing it to please him. Then I realized that I was ‘Chrissie Wunna’ and well this is what I do, I rock a weave, hair pieces, big hair and a strut regardless…and that’s just to go to bed in. 🙂 I felt safe once more and well once I placed on the ‘half head’ piece I was SOLD. I went from a 5 to a 10 in a second. *Cha-Ching-Gimme-Gimme.* I intend to be super fit once i’ve had this baby. So fit, you hate me. *Wiggle-Wink.* Lord knows when he’s coming, as he’s far too snug as a bug right now. I mean ‘come on son..’ like really now. He’s not even born yet and he’s already being lazy. I thought he was meant to be a go -getter, as he’s going to pop out a Gemini…well unless he comes out before Tuesday…which I very much doubt. (I couldn’t be bothered to so squats. It’s not becoming. It’s evil and hurts my tree trunk thighs.)

Anyway, long story short…as I was organizing the payment for my hair pieces, Ruby who has strictly been denied a weave, behind my back charms the owner and after 7 minutes hasn’t got a weave, but HAS managed to blag herself a FREE hair piece herself to wear! My child is insane. Apparently it was a string of really cute, but really sad faces, with big eyes and appropriately purring at the exact times that conquered her the freebie. We both walked out with her. I paid for mine. Sweet Jesus!

So, today is CHILL DAY. But a terrifying chill day which pretty much makes the art of chill pointless. Lol. Pete picked Ruby up this morning EARLY. (Well done Peter. He either missed her, or will drop her off early today as a result.) I’m left all on my own, 9 month pregnant, ready to hatch whenever my son takes his fancy and well you’d think i’d be all looked after and adored. NOPE! Keiran is away working for the weekend. Back this evening. My Mum, dad and brother have all taken a Buddhist day trip away today and won’t be back until this evening either. So, if i go into labour…and I won’t…it doesn’t feel like i will…then i’m fucked. I’ll have no-one to call to take me to the hospital and i’ll have to have my baby on my rug, or something just as terrible. This is a key time, so i’m keeping everything crossed, especially my legs and hoping that there are no surprises, until someone is back and ready to tend to me. But saying that, doing it on your own must be very liberating and very personal. It’s the ultimate moment of girl power and you’d be at peace without people bustling around you. It’d almost be poetic….beautiful. Unfortunately that’s not how Wunna land ‘the circus’ works. Mine’ll be manic with Asians, Husbands, fluster, midwife and doctor galore. Last time they accidentally wheeled me into a door, whilst I was plonked in an actual  wheel chair. It was hilarious. Everything kept going wrong. I lived a ‘Carry On’ movie that day and night. I loved *boinging* into a giant wooden and glass door because the midwife didn’t she it in her panic to wheel me onto the  labour ward…with a camera following her. I pissed myself laughing, until she took my gas and air off me. Then nothing was funny anymore…well until I got better drugs.

All i’ve done so far on chill day, is look after Rubes, and have a bath. I’m nervous because chill days always go far too fast. One minute you can’t wait to enjoy your time alone and the next it’s over and everyone’s back, letting the circus begin with a bang. UGH! I could’nt even enjoy my bath, but i knew I wouldn’t. I very rarely enjoy them. At first i get all excited, because the idea of soaking in a bath tub of blissful bubbles excites me. Then once i’m in, i get bored and feel like i’m wasting my time…and I won’t get time to do anything else if I stay laying in the bath for another minute. Bottom line, they bored me. I need to tan now. 

So, i’m gonna go,as I need to do my face, tan, tidy up, go to the grocery store, get everything ready for Ruby, buy food ready for Keiran tonight, take old clothes to the recycling bins…and keep my fingers crossed that the bed comes tomorrow and my baby doesn’t poke out today.

My boobs hurt. #comedy


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