My Milkshake Brings…

308830_441602655904611_748739787_n (1)

Heat is here!!! The gas man has just left and I now have properly working radiators, new radiators, a new kind of smile on my face and the warmest house in the history of the world ever!!!

I never usually banter with any work men that come into the house and that’s because I always think that they might be shyer than I, so my unedited personality would make them DIE inside, if I actually spoke to them for ages.  However, also, you might get a ‘far too chatty’ one and once you start THAT conversation up, there is no way out!

My gas man was LOVELY though and said he knew me from being drunk somewhere. Lol. I have that effect on men. He left me his number in case I need heat again. And well I am OVER THE MOON, simply because everything is now in full working order!!! I love human beings who aren’t useless! (And to those of you who may think i’m useless. I’m not. I’m super useful. I’m fun, generous, charming and a provider. Makes me very useful!)

I will say though…how does ANYONE AT ALL cope without driving!! Most of my friends do. But a handful of them don’t. And the majority of that handful (and I have friends of all ages) range from their late 20’s to early 30’s.

Now, i’ve always driven. I passed my test here, as a teen and then again in LA, as a 20 something. I did go through a ‘non driving’ stage, when i got back to England,… but i got over it quickly and got back behind the wheel. It makes a MASSIVE difference. Plus, you can get really reliant on the art of ‘getting driven’ and being a Glamour puss, I get how that feels. Hahaha.

Now because i’ve handed over my car to my Mama today, (who deserves it, needs it and can drive it) i’ve found myself in a pickle, because I can’t pop out and buy food, or wine, or anything!! So, therefore,  i’m having to live off the things I have within my cupboards!! I DON’T EVEN HAVE SQUASH IN, RIGHT NOW. I’m having to drink the devils juice, which is obviously water.

There is a full glass of prosecco that I left on the window sill ,whilst getting ready the other day, that i have actually contemplated drinking, which is quite horrifically terrifying. I didn’t do it. Don’t fret. I’m not that *urky.* AND because I didn’t fancy a bowl of chilli from a tin, I had to have Ready Salted, Walker’s crisps, dipped in CAVIAR. LOL. Really lovely actually…but you soon get bored. I’m feeling bloated, and hormonal, so right now, i’ll scoff anything. Now…. I want that chilli in a tin.

‘Real Housewives’ is on in the background. Ben hasn’t been able to come around yet, because he has no access to a vehicle and no one to *brum* him around. I’m eating choccy M&M’s..and now I can’t fit into my jeggings.

The gas man is still outside? He must be doing paperwork or something in his van? Oh nooo…just as i’ve said that, he’s now headed back in????


[4 minutes have passed.]

He’s back in because he didn’t check the cooker? He waltzed in with a ‘i’ll be ready for a drink after this?’ LOL. (It’s my milkshake…told you…brings the boys to the yard.)

Maybe he’s just trying to skive a little, so he doesn’t have to go on another call. I don’t blame him. But i’m just going to go with he fancies me and simply because i’m an ego maniac and he’s already told me how much he makes a month, a year, a second and where he’ll be tonight and without me asking. 🙂 (Men.) He’s lovely though and because he brought heat to my world and a new radiator. I enjoy lovely people.

Anyway, i’m ready for my own space again now. You know when you have someone you don’t really know in your house…it always feels odd, even if they’re lovely and because you can’t be free. That’s why i don’t know how older people living in their own homes, can have one nights stands with randoms, because when you sober up, a random other sober person, that you don’t at all know, is in your home, trying to scrounge a breakie or more sex. And if you’re anything like me (I don’t have one night stands, because i’m taken and far too old,) you’ll put on a breakie just to be polite even though you feel all awkward. I never put out, if i don’t feel like it, or if i don’t feel sexy. It takes a lot more work than that! Lol. I’m a secure, old chick. I don’t need to ‘put out’ for things. Lol. I only ever need to ‘put out’ when i feel sexy. If i don’t, there’s either something wrong with me or i’m tired. Lol.

Plus, men have to make women feel sexy…and you make a chick feel sexy by being lovely to her, for her and going beyond the call of regular duty. Reading a situation is really important.

Okay, my gas man has left. The van has vanished.

I think i fancy another glass of water and a tin of chilli (Kill me.)







Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.