Not being funny or anything, but i don’t want a fucking free hamster. I was at Victoria Garden center today. It’s just a place near me where i sometimes go when i quite wrongly believe i should take up a gardenning habit. It beats smoking. Had lunch, got recognised (which i love) and stared at mid ‘cheese & bean’ jacket potatoe. It’s okay to stare and take pictures,but don’t listen in on my conversations.LOL. There were so many cheeky beggars, just randomly leaning over, (but pretending to do a giant arm stretch yawn,) ear-wigging and then joining in! I’m talking about you. Not to you. I was gabbing away and out of nowhere someone at the next table would join in and say ‘Yeah i thought that too!’ Hilarious!! Then a 4 yr old Ribena stained boy, all blond and grubby decided that he was going to spend his lunch squirting my bare tanned thigh with his big plastic ‘Super Soaker’ (that sounds a bit rude.) He’d squirt, then piss himself laughing whilst telling me (quite loudly) that i had ‘wee’d myself.’ I tried to flick him in the eye. But it’s okay because my butter knife fell into him. (All smiles.) I like children with clean faces.
Anyway, i was buying pet things today. As you know my kitten, recently had kittens,who are ewoks and now the most beautiful things i have ever laid eyes on. (Ugh! My ‘Space bar’ is fucking up. It won’t do ‘spaces.’) So i need to do what i do best and that’s BUY their affection. They now have every toy in the whole goddamn store. They’ve only been on this earth 13 days. (I made that bit up.) So i’m buying my kittens ‘squeaky deakies’ and this random worker, (who was quite delicious actually, hence why i stopped) tried to give me a FREE FUCKING HAMSTER.You can’t give away HAMSTERS, all free like that!!!! It’s like… you buy a birds cage and you get a free hamster. You buy a dogs bone and you get a free HAMSTER. You innocently select your ‘Pic n Mix’ and you get harassed by a free fucking HAMSTER. Fuck off free hamster dude! It made you 14 times less hot.You could’ve had ‘The Wunna.’ Yet you insisted on carrying 104 hamsters with you. Who even likes hamsters??? They’re just pretty rats and only good for bundling up and putting in ya panties, so you can pretend you have aggressive balls.
It’s my DAY OFF TODAY! Woo! Hoo! I actually do have so incredibly much to do that is tumbling on top of me. But ah well? I’ll get through it. I have a lot of deadlines, and work to be done like pronto and to be honest i’m finding it difficult.My body is also SORE in all the wrong places from partaking in that Burlesque class. I think all that gyrating has put my back out. I have bags under my eyes and not even from partying. (What have i become!!) I’m refusing to work simply because it’s DAY off day. So middle finger. I need some sleep. (Not really, you’ll all get your work.)
On a good note, i’m spending this evening cheering on MAN U, in my pyjamas!!!! It’s the Champions league final. I’ve recently gotten really into Football. I root for Manchester United and I WANT THEM TO WIN!!! It is the highlight of my night and i deliberately didn’t work today, simply so i could watch the game. I’m like their hottest fan. (Ask the Daily Star!! )
I cried at ‘Stavros Flatley’ this morning. Their belly jiggling was a moving experience. Finally a bit of ‘funny’ in the final. Iwant to poke them and smother them in Wunna love. I can’t believe i cried. I’m losing my touch. Slap me.