You can tell if i’ve been anywhere really, as there’s always a trail of glitter, sequins, booze, bad jokes, or broken hearts behind me. Oh and often a smudge of bronzer, and a few delicious ego’s sprinkled with bruises. I’m currently wearing zebra print pyjama bottoms and a bright pink hoodie, with heels. But anyway, now i’ve kicked Fashion ass…i shall now begin to attempt to tell you about my very lovely day. (Note: I have downed various bottles of Bacardi breezer, therefore don’t expect the work of a genius. Not that you do anyway…you swines. Hair toss. Pout.)
Okay, i had a meeting today, a good one, on Marylebone high street in London, at quite a well known french pastry place/cafe/ can’t think of anything else to call it, but it’s divine for coffee or brunch, called ‘Patisserie Valerie.’ If you haven’t been there, you should. They are famous for their french cupcakes, buns, pastries, marzipan treats and well all high calorie deliciousness. Lots of meetings take place there over coffee. Well I mean, mine did…and that’s all that matters and the place is littered with business men, old ladies who leisure, and fucking hot french boys.
Now i don’t want to tell you too much about my meeting, as the idea behind it all is far too clever, and i’m not one to dare to jinx a clever thing. But i will tell you that i met with a man i’m going to call ‘Cinnabun J’ (odd name for me to come up with, but he did eat one. I’m not on crack,) and well we pretty much talked about my life for a wee while. I’ve worked for this fine gentleman before and well i had an idea, i harassed him with it, as i knew he was a decent solid match for what i was intending to do. Never under estimate the power of harassment. Anyhow, I like ‘Cinnabun J’ because not only is he a creative genius and came up with a ‘doo daa’ and a new concept which reaches the heights of amazement,’ but he also has great taste in bloggers. He actually finds this rubbish funny. But to be honest who else is there to adore in the English Female blogging category. I take that prize, don’t i?? No? Okay. (I swig my vodka and snatch my trophy anyway.)
We talked work over lattes and had a bit of a gossip…he laughed at my golden, V.I.P party band that i still have on my wrist. I’m insisting on keeping it on for as long as humanly possible…to remind you of my status. Then after agreeing to work together, y’know give it a good old shot (and i believe it can work, because i’m confident in what i proposed, and well I can see it being a hit,) he then organized a ‘Peppa Pig’ party for his 3 year old, who’s already a darling of a socialite. Apparently her ‘A-list’ of friends changes every day. No doubt she’ll be recieving her ‘Black’ card, by the time she’s 4. Don’t think i haven’t met ‘Peppa Pig!!!!’ That bitch outshone me at a shopping centre meet and greet. But on a more sincere note…i like ‘Cinnabun J‘ simply because i saw him on the phone to his wife for a few moments. His face lit up with love. (And not the ‘ooh arr, take me sailor ‘love.’ But that ‘hand on heart need you forever’ kind.) That’s how you can tell that a man is a good man. Not only do i want to work with good men…but that is what i am missing in my life. Yet to be honest, i don’t do myself any favours. LOL. However, i do believe that that is the actual beauty of Chrissie Wunna. My life is a badly glued, bundle of perfect imperfections…which fools you into believing i’m charming.
Yeah, so that all went well. I’m happy. The rest of the day, went down hill from there. Well after i got stopped by 3 ‘We love Paris Hilton’ school girls, a lady named Beverly, and asked out by a boy named ‘Junior.’ I liked all that malarky. But yeh, i then got on a tube, and then a very WRONG bus. OMG! Not sure what happened, but the police mid journey stopped our bus and we all had to stay on it…for what seemed like hours…in the heat!!!! Party bus…i like. Buses littered with tramps, old people, wannabe gangstas and a bucked toothed beauty, is far from where i want to be in life. But there i was living it with them and staring at that one long gangly tooth hanging out of this ladies mouth…if Wuzzle Gummage had a sister…she would have EATEN her. At the end of every sentence, she accidently spat on me. Then had the nerve to look at my golden club party band, and say ‘Vip?’ Is that your name??’ No GODDAMIT!!! Oh and my gay friends Bi-sexual boyfriend fancies Me. Everyone does at some point. It’s a natural part of any young males growth. However, i’m not so excited by the fact that he would give me a ‘poke’ poke- roll’ then 2 minutes later have his face around a ‘Dandy’s’ meat stick, like it’s dinner. (I have actually been a part of something like that before, in Hollywood. But i was 84% tricked ….honest. Oh shut up.)
‘Junior’ (the boy who i met earlier) has just text me with a , ‘wat u up 2?’ Hardly romantic. I’m not texting back. He wants a date, which equals ‘rumpy please.’ Yet, i have 3 others to contemplate first and then ofcourse my darling ‘Lashes.’ (Who i adore.) I mean, i’m getting asked out a great deal on a daily. The ‘getting dates’ isn’t the problem…it’s the liking them, them liking me and keeping them that is seemingly difficult. When i really like a boy…i fuck it all up and it all goes terrifyingly hilariously wrong. And the ones i don’t really like too much…well i perform like a CHAMPION. This finding ‘love’ thing is getting on my tits. I mean, where the FUCK are you Cupid!! I meet Mr. Right at the complete Mr.Wrong time. And Mr Wrong… ALL the time. Or ofcourse Mr.Right, for all the Wrong reasons. Or Mr.Wrong, for well all the Right reasons. (Wink, wink, feel up.)
I’m also noticing that more boys are reading my blog, before they actually meet me….which is somewhat worrying. DON’T DO IT!!!! I mean, they’re sauntering into ‘Date one,’ armed with knowledge, a boner and a game plan. All i want, is to beable to call someone during a casual business meeting and have their face do Cinnabun J’s ‘hand on heart forever’ LOVE thing. But for now…Bacardi will do! Woohoo!! (Oh i BBM’ed ‘Lashes’ a naked picture of me today. He didn’t respond. Hahahaha. But then however mailed me a joke about a boy accidently eating out his Mother??)
Have a good friday Night, bitches!