Today, I feel like superwoman. Well..if superwoman was Burmese, in knickers, and with a teddy bear. But yeah…i rock.
I’ve successfully completed a whole days work, sorted out a meeting with my solicitor, in regards to the drama I’m going to have to saunter through with Junior and his father. I’ve ordered a skip, hired storage space and rented a man with a van for removals. 🙂 The rubbish thing about being a girly girl, a glamour puss and having no male partner. is the simple fact that you don’t have a gent to do all the packing, lifting and moving for you. I have to do it all myself.
HOWEVER, the great thing about being Chrissie Wunna is the simple fact that i’m not broke. So before 9.15am, I paid for others to come to my aid. Paid for skip, paid for 4 weeks storage, when I only need it for one (it was the minimum amount…) and then hired a man named Mike to take my heavy lifting from my own home,whilst i’m out…to the storage unit..which is literally just across the street. 🙂 This is why ALL WOMEN NEED TO BE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT. It sure as hell helps if you have rubbish arms like moi…you need to be able to rely on your own funds…(if you are man less) in order to get the normal ‘guy’ stuff done. I felt all independent and powerful today. Nothing feels great than being daunted by a task, yet within minutes getting it all sorted for yourself. It felt good.
Anyway…i’m finding moving house awful. 🙁 It’s really sad because there’s memories, memories everywhere and you sort of don’t realize those memories until you find yourself leaving them behind and packing your belongings, that don’t mean a thing into big brown boxes.
There was a point where Ruby was frantically jumping on the bed in utter excitement, screaming with happiness, due to the fact that we’re going to a new house and Junior was crawling about the floor giggle and wiggling. I thought I was fine, as I stood in the middle of the room, by a giant brown cardboard box, folding clothes up to place into storage. Then I paused and like magic, it’s almost as if everything paused around me, as I looked around the room in slow motion.. 🙁
I remembered teaching Ruby AND Junior how to crawl in this house..how to say their first words. I remember Ruby refusing to sleep in her own bed. I remembered bringing home baby Junior for the very first time. I remembered the home being filled with wedding favours… filming in the house….i remembered falling in love in this house and coming back a wife. I remembered Pete before we broke up being anger that I hurt him. I remembered the laughter, the giggles, the sharing of dreams within these four walls. I remembered doign my face every single morning and rubbing my bump through the pregnancy. I remembered the flowers I used to recieve and the cuddles that i used to have on the sofa. I remembered the fights, throwing tantrums, clothes and wine drinking, I remembered the love, the tear…the panic, stress. I remembered Ruby’s first laughter and her dance routines. I remember feeling safe, feeling sorry, sunbathing last Summer, as I waited for my bump to turn into bambino. I remembered everything, it all spun around me or was acted out right in front of me by my imagination. I relived it all.
Then I remembered…him. I remembered the fighting of course and the way he left and the awful times. Yet it was all out shone by the love, the memories, the smiles, the cuddles and the sharing of dreams. We used to always talk about what and where we wanted to be in life…we grew babies, we shared dinners, sofa snuggles and love. I remembered us packing for our forest holidays, him dressing for golf and biking. I remembered the way he used to look at me when he loved me. I remembered Christmas’s and all the time we spent with Ruby. I remembered Pete always showing up on the patio door. I remembered everything…it made me really sad, so sad that i had tears rolling dowm my cheeks and I didn’t even realise.
Y’see, your sad memories even become happy ones in the end, because memories are so precious. They’re what you treasure. For the first time in a while and because i’ve refused to feel it and instead blocked it out with smiles for the babies…i felt heartbroken.
It felt like it was an end of an era, as I parcel taped shut the last box and cut the end off with a pair of baby nail scissors. It calmed me in a way. It made me see things differently.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Lets do this… 🙂