Asked for help to find a last minute salon in the town of Pontefract, that would massage my achey joints, back to good health and what I got…(aside from school friend Kate, who was actually helpful, during this process) was ‘Brummers’ informing me that he knows where I could get a tattoo???? (That’s like him asking a friend’s list for a place to fix his car and ME responding with a ‘Well…i know where you can get a quite pedicure!’ BOYS!!! Plus, i’m over tattoos right now due to the names of the opposite sex and poor judgement. 🙂 ) Then Wazza…rolls in with a suggestion…that I KNOW would be comical, perverted or both…before I even decided to click on the link. And what a surprise…it was an EROTIC massage joint and not even one that celebrates slutty girls from the orient either!! A Ponty one…where your old school friends make extra squids by rubbing down parts of your anatomy that (when you’re a girl) can’t be arsed with having rubbed before noon. (‘I’ve got a headache.’) I’m not even going to bother typing the link…as then it’ll get linked to my blog and all will got tits up, as everyone starts thinking i’m some kind of random ‘mail order bride’ escort. (Hahaha…I enjoy that I won’t type a simple link, that doesn’t even mention anything porny..yet i’ll type ‘mail order bride escort.’ I really don’t do myself any favours. But yes, Hannah…Wazza’s wife to be (i feel her pain) informed me that a lesbian ‘happy ending’ massage, wouldn’t even allow me to go until Friday anyhow, meaning i’d have to wait a day. Mucky massage or not…i’m a ‘now’ girl. I hate waiting for anything. If i want my hair done…or anything done…i’ll NEVER book it in advance. I’ll always just show up, with a smile and a very annoying voice and shout, ‘You’ll do my hair today??’ Then i’ll go for the first person to say ‘YES.’ (I’m currently snacking on cheese, crackers and a mojito. Odd combination…but works. Mojitos taste like pop to me. )
So what we learn today Ladies, is that when we need members of the other species to be HELPFUL, we NEVER EVER ask a boy named’ DANIEL.’ That is the only thing ‘Wazza’ and ‘Brummers’ have in common. ‘DANIEL’ as a forename. Or maybe all ‘Daniels’ are pervs? I don’t know? If so, that’s okay, as Danny O from TOWIE can perv on me, any hour he wishes…and not even for fifty dollars. 🙂 (See, i can make that joke, simply because I’m Asian. 😉 )
On the drive back from trying to purchase a working vacuum…. Mine’s gone ‘Kaplunk’ and because Pete gave me it for free. Anything that isn’t diamonds, that is given to you for free…will go ‘kaplunk.’ (Men being useful again. ‘Oh here’s a non working hoover for ya!’ 🙂 )
But yeah, I was reading my massage, status stream,whilst driving and also whilst having either some undercover cop car blue light flashing next to me…NEXT TO ME, not AT ME…(Some poor idiot in front probably got caught reading their text before me 🙂 ) or some random disco driver…on pills? Who knows these days? Everyone seems to be on edge these days and trying to grasp any bit of escapism they can fine. Sort of annoying because right now in life, i’ve got my shit together, meaning it’s harder for me to watch other people swirl down the plug hole, as i’ve swirled their myself. HOWEVER, i plonked back up with a laugh, smile, boobies and victory champagne in my arms, didn’t I! So, now that I know, I did…i hard heartedly expect everyone else to be able to doit also. 🙂
Ended up getting a vacuum…some lip gloss, a sandwich, home decor, beauty products….children’s clothes…a coat….baby bottles…everything you could imagine…and a flipping WASHING MACHINE! I KNOW! What a loser! I now laugh at how losery i’ve turned. Treat myself to cocktails? No, i’ll treat myself to Hotpoint, large drum washing machines. FFS. Saying that, I must’ve treated myself to cocktails, as i have a mojito right here, don’t i? How weird, that I forgot? Maybe the luxury of glamour pussing is so second nature to me, that it absolutely my norm, whereas a life of domesticity…just isn’t. 🙂 I work really hard and could absolutely be a house wife once i’ve achieved my lofty goals…yet i could only be one like the chicks off ‘Real Housewives..’ and not an actual proper Yorkshire bred, ‘scrub your gussets’ homegirl. 🙂 I’d DIE! We all know, i’m an ace wife anyway…with all my husbands and all that. 😉 Keiran was the only one that I actually physically cooked and cleaned for…and look at him…strapping young gent…(who had to run away via text and heal the emotional pain of being married to me. ‘She made me ill.’ Lol.) But on the love front i feel like i’m lucky enough to not have to rely on any domestic skills in order to snag ‘love.’ The suitors venture forward with ease…yet picking carefully and correctly is what i efficiently need to focus on.
At least I have a new hoover now..and a washing machine by Friday. I have three days off work, so i’m happy.
I’ve got a beauty line Skype conference call to get ready for…so i’m gonna go prep. (My eyelashes are going to be awesome…and simply because i’ve jigsawed the whole operation together, whilst drinking cocktails in a can.)