Love, Life and Circumstance

Right! Much better day!

I’m focussed. I’m back in the game. I’ve worked and had a pretty great work day. I adore the people that i worked amongst, which makes any job worthwhile.

I’m back to being excited, I’m back to being me, i’m back to seeking adventure and i’m looking on the bright side of life.

I’ve just this second auditioned for a show. I have another audition on Monday. I’ve cooked and baked for most of the day to keep my giddiness calm and planned my awesome June, that is about to occur.

Y’know, you really can do anything in life and you really can change things around for yourself, if you just gather your thoughts, get your life going and be around the right people, be it a ‘cheerleader’ of a girl, or a ‘hero’ of a boy, or just pretty great friends, who are nothing but loyal and supportive. It seems like i spread myself thinly, but i don’t. I pick my friends…well…not wisely, but carefully, as i hate any tinge of negativity or boredom.

I’m pretty balanced, quite well rounded, so i look for that in others. Yes, i have a sense of adventure, (and i hate it when others don’t like to adventure with me, as i’m one who believes that the world is EVERYONE’S oyster and if i can aid that ‘ooh’ or inspiration in another being, then i always have a smile on my face,) however at the same time i’m pretty chilled. I’m someone that does my lifestyle both bouji and dead normal and that is what balance is all about. I’m no ‘diva’, although i might play a ‘diva’ and can see the beauty in anything. Yet at the same time, i’m no scruffy muggalug…and if i can do diamonds…i will. πŸ™‚

Today…i’m smiling. That’s what life is about.

However, i enjoy how everyone is shocked that i might be able to actually do the simpliest things like DRIVE A CAR, WEAR A PAIR OF JEANS, COOK A MEAL, BAKE A FUCKING PIE…SLUM IT WHERE SLUMMING LETS ME, AND BE A DECENT ‘OTHER HALF.’

It’s crazy. I’m a try to be good at everything kinda girl and don’t get me wrong, i’m hardly good at everything if anything. πŸ™‚ But I try and i do it with charm. And that’s what being a ‘Wunna’ is all about. πŸ™‚ Yet, I’m also not a human that just in it for me and there’s lots of humans like that, scattered all around the earth. I mean, Lorraine who i work with today, looked at me, smiled and said, ‘You’re just someone who loves to make people happy and it’ s because you’re happy.’ I LOVE THAT, as she’s the same way and i love it when people notice that, as it means they understand the way i work and it means that they also are wise. πŸ™‚

So, firstly, i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who’s reading this blog. I appreciate it soooo much more than you think and i couldn’t be more grateful for you following bits of my life. As really, I’m just this plonker from Doncaster, who moved to Pontefract, and dilly dallied in Hollywood, lived a little, loved a little, experienced a lot, had great parents, a good upbringing, who ended up being a model, and having a stint on the telly, only to find myself working a normal job, being a mum, coming back home, knowing what life and love is about, starting a business and accidentally doing well at it. I just so happen to write it out daily, well as much as i can…and for some reason…even though i can b heavily judged….it works.

There are times in life when i’m up and times in life when i’m down, but i’m never so down that i can’t pop back up in full force and understand why or where i’ve made mistakes and rectify them. However, i’m a being that always rockets up and only looks up to the stars when i do…and you all have it in you.

If you don’t like something about your life…change it. Fucking change it. Don’t scare away from it. Live it, be it..risk it…love it. Care about others, yet care about yourself at the same time. I’ve been through a lot and in my mind i’m the best friends, mentor, wife or chick any body could have in their world, as i’m soldier strong and the perfect human to push you to where you want to be in life and without it seeming like a ‘push.’ (I get it from my Mum.)

When i was married to Michael…he couldn’t have been lovelier. He was infact one of the only boys i’ve ever met, who i actually felt love from. Loyal, strong, soft, but talented. When I married Keiran, i felt loved, i will say that, i felt very loved at times, yet he was less stable emotionally and part of him feared a lot of things in life, that i am ever so confident about. I don’t enjoy a rollercoaster, even at the best of times, even though i’m very emotionally equipped to handle them. I don’t like them. I don’t enjoy people who hide from past hurt, instead of looking brightly at the future. I don’t enjoy a strop. I don’t enjoy any of that, who does? I don’t enjoy bad manners, or people who just can’t get their shit together or see a light at the end of a tunnel.

And in a man, i need them to be happy, soft, yet strong and mighty. Comfortable in their own skin, and they have to be brave enough to adore me, without fear. (Dodge has just sent me a message telling me that he’s currently watching my ex hubby ‘Mike’ in his new favourite show ‘Once upon a time.’ How weird’s that! Just as i had written about him.)

I don’t think i’ll be blogging my love life ever again…haha…because i guess sometimes some things just need to be kept private. πŸ™‚ Not everyone has lived the same way as I and i get that. Not everyone is that open. I think that i’m lucky that i am. But Yorkshire’s a really bizarre place for anything ‘bizzy.’ I get that though, so i now have a private box…that i’ve slapped a gummy sticker on that simple reads ‘JUST FOR ME BITCHES.’

I have a busy June, but a happy June and it begins in the forest IMMEDIATELY. I only have 3 more days at work and then that’s it. I’m pretty free for fun also, as Keiran is spending his time with the children before i take them away with me, which is only fair, as every child needs their father in some way and i never want Junior to grow up thinking that Keiran never cared, as Keiran in the end didn’t love ME, but always, always, even at first when he found it too much loved Junior and well we’ll never be back together as far too much awfulness occurred, yet i’m glad that after all of that ‘mumbo jumbo’ i’m a human who can still find it in myself to forgive, forget and get on with it.

Marriages are really tough things and something that i’d never jump into any ever…’just like that.’ Even though it may seem like it’s my funnest thing to do. πŸ™‚ I’m much smarter at 34 (honest) and well…it’s important for me to nurture something slowly and calmly over time…that burst out like a firework from the Heavens with a ‘KABOOM.’ Don’t get wrong, as i’m ‘KABOOM’ as it comes. But not really…well…when it comes to life decisions. HAHA. I mean if a guy can’t stand there and look at me like he couldn’t ever be with a more amazing women for at least 3 years, let alone 3 weeks..then i shouldn’t be his wife ever. I get that now. HAHA. Oh shut up. It took me some time. I’m just a sucker for being whisked off my feet. Yet even though i’m independant, i’m also a chick that needs a guy. I need support. I love and crave home life. I’m excited by it. I’m one of the girls, i’m one of the boys, i’m a mum and i’m a hard worker. I completely adore fun and luxury, at the same time as being chilled and nurtured. In the end…everything works out more than okay and i know that. It’s not just something i hope for.

Junior’s birthday is coming up. He’s gonna be two on June 1st an di can’t even believe it. He’s adorable in every way and i well when any mummy has a son, your entire heart melts for them, especially when they are the littlest ‘Wunna’ of the bunch. God, he’s yummy…and gets away with ANYTHING.

Ruby however, is my girl. She’s my everything and the little girl that saved my entire life. She changed it completely and made me who i am today. I look at her grow every day and i can’t even nearly describe to you, how lucky i am to even have her in my world, as my own, as my little girl, best friend and life. She’s headed for a hard one, because i see myself in her ALL THE TIME, but if i can make every inch of her life that much easier…then i will and that’s what i love about being Mama Wunna. I’m there ‘go to’ when it comes to love. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚






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