Amazing night last night. I’m in the process of revisting my past in order to truely get back to being Me, a person i had forgotten about and sacrificed for the happiness of others. But that’ s part of being a ‘performer.’ We are people who bottom line really have this ‘want’ to make people happy. That’s why i love us. We’re good people and i can’t think of a better job. We are the court jesters of the world.
Anyway, a major part of my youth in LA was ‘Jazz’- i know hard to believe, but it really was, alongside a side of the blues and Motown. Therefore last night i converted one of the rooms of the house into a smokey ‘jazz’ bar, with dark cherry wood, deep red lushness, cigars, grammaphone, a small stage, old school mic and dark ‘put hairs on your chest’ booze. I only invited 4 people. My crowds are small now, as i’m on a sentimental journey and only let those of true heart in. And we talked life, love, worlds and ‘magic’ until the early hours of the morning, and had a little ‘sing song’ when the moment overwhelmed us. Oh and Russell Brand (my idol) was on mute in the background on a tv set. Which is quite pointless really, as he does need to be heard. He kept leaping from side to side gleefully, all hair and snake hips. Great when tipsy.
I’m currently obssessed with ‘Jazz’ music in the form of Christmas songs. (Lol…i know how Chrissie Wunna mentally ill of me.) I was raised on musical theatre, music and dance before acting took over, so i’m revisting a really important part of my life. Plus it was a big part of my marriage. Michael was a quiet, silent deep soul. We’d talk to jazz and he’d tell me about his life. You know whats weird? The fact that everyone would wrongly believe that i would fancy some muscle bound, over egoed hero. Not my style at all. I mean yeah, i’ve had ‘flings’ with them when i was a foolish child, but when i really settle with a guy, he’s usually always a deep, skinny, artsy soul, who’s slightly tormented, weird with his own uniqueness, traditional values and own sense of self. I find them far more interesting, than a Himbo. I’m always mistaken for a ‘Bimbo’ because i short cutted my way to success via the fine art of it. One of the biggest mistakes i’ve made as it’s difficult on the old soul pretending to be something your not. I didn’t hurt anyone but myself. But saying that, not really, as i always knew who i was. I was just appaulled at the fact that others weren’t deep enough to see through it. I’m always gonna try and throw you for a loop at first. It’s a good way of weeding out the faint hearted and knowing who’s really by my side in the end. I’m not free with my affection. I have a one track mind. Once i like someone i like someone and that’s it i ‘click,’ and can only truely feel for them. They become my world, as really ‘love’ is all anyone needs. It’s the most powerful emotion. I’m motivated by it and have this bizarre ability to see inside people (ooh-er) and open armed love them and understand their human fratalities. I get it from my Mother.
Anyway the evening was littered with jazz versions of ‘Baby it’s Cold outside’ and ‘Let it snow’ etc…and i loved it. I sang my ‘Mikey ray ‘song, which you will only know if you’re an Angeleno. It has a verse about each boy i’ve dated…and it’s looong. Lucky you. I’m growing as each moment passes and this morning when i woke up i actually felt okay. No tears or anything! WOWEE! (hahahah) I’m pathetic, but i just know great things are on their way! Good things happen to good people. Dreams come true EVERY day. Don’t you forget it.