Let’s try again…

Wow! I haven’t been on here in absolute months! Every other day I’ve thought that I’ve wanted to tell you everything, yet ‘being busy,’ I’m gonna say ‘life’ and ‘good times’ (all excuses for ‘couldn’t be arsed,’ ) got the better of me. I don’t know why I haven’t blogged? I have no clue? But I’m back. Well, i think I’m back? And I’m mainly back because after what could be described as the absolute BUSIEST first part of the year that a kitten like me could ever have….this July is the FIRST time in what feels like donkies years, where I don’t have that much going on? I’m peeking over fences for work and well…fuck me, i can’t find it anywhere. Lol.

Just to set the scene. I’m currently topless, in my pants, sat up in bed, with my hair in a scruffy top knot, using my iphone as a screen, with this giant Bluetooth keyboard as my ‘tipper tapper.’ My contacts aren’t in so i can’t at all see and questions to my Insta story are coming in thick and fast by gents who want to know if I’m single or horny?

I reckon I’m both. No. I’m definitely both. But it’s 7.42 am and their cyber willies aren’t gonna save my life right now, so I’m just gonna ‘giggle’ them off with a ‘Thank you…very flattered,’ vibe.

Right! I need to tell you what I’ve been up to. But I’m just gonna skim it because if you’re on my socials you can see what I’ve been up to all year. I’ve wanted to restart the blog because I did a radio interview from a hotel room for the BBC on Sunday morning, after I’d been filming a little something in Birmingham. It reminded me of how important our ‘stories’ actually are, as we go through life. Our memories of moments whether they gave us a sense of achievement or regret, are all we’re gonna be left with.

I have a big story, I’ve told it for decades…so i didn’t want to stop now, because firstly, it might inspire someone somewhere in the world. Secondly, I Have nothing to do. 🙂 Thirdly, I noticed that any moment of success or achievement that I’m going through now, has literally only felt so INCREDIBLY wonderful because of the struggles that I’ve had to tinker through to get there.

Becky who was interviewing me for the BBC radio Sheffield thing. The ‘All about you’ segment. Well she said this…

‘You’re definitely someone who wants to be loved.’

When she said it…I was standing in my bra and jeans, in a hotel room, looking at myself in the mirror and something just hit me weird…like ‘fuck.’

I always find it uncomfortable to hear or to say out loud that i’m someone who wants to be loved. I don’t know why because we all do? It’s human nature. I do feel loved. It’s not a sad story. But I feel as though when it comes to my love life, they’ll never be a guy who just loves me…madly…the way they say in fairytales.

So, I usually laugh it off, make some joke and I was quite prepared to. But I didn’t. I just paused…and agreed! I couldn’t even believe I paused and agreed.

And from that point…I knew the interview was going in the right direction…

Let’s put it this way…I’ve let myself down a lot in life, made shit loads of mistakes, mainly with men, certainly and foolishly sacrificed things (like my career) because of them, with a mixture of bad choices, insecurity or just not being focussed on the things that truly matter. I sold myself short…We’ve all done it at some point, some of us are still doing it…(I had a friend recently do it and it broke my heart to watch it happen. Yet you’ve kinda just godda let people live their own story.) It’s how it works. Bottom line, these are all moments that we look back on as the ‘dodgier’ times, so when something good happens that cancels that moment out a little, you flashback straight to the memory. It always stays with you, you kinda never ‘delete it’ from your system, but a different energy is served with it this time, an energy that is no longer filled with tears, stress or loss, as it’s now replaced with a calm, positive swirl of achievement.

AmI talking shit? I feel like I’m talking shit? Haha. But all this makes proper sense to me? 🙂

It’s only been recently towards the last half of my 30’s, leading into me being 40, where I finally pulled myself together, stuck to my own discipline, listened, learned and got on the right track. I quit a lot of bad habits, i quit dating, i put everything I was into work and wanting to at least try to be a success.

It worked and now i guess, I’m headed in the right direction. Bit by bit, I’m getting closer and closer to where i want to be career wise and well my little asian heart is now constantly filled with utter joy. 🙂

So I’ve been away travelling a lot, filming movies and well thankfully because of Scott Jeffrey who is literally the industry’s most hardworking film producer I’ve ever known….I have so much respect for him because he’s positive and kind, yet a grafter. At the same time he’s not a force to be reckoned with. He’s certainly someone who wants to achieve great things and i love that in people. If it wasn’t for him, i wouldn’t have worked so much this year and last. But away from work, more than anything I’m grateful for the friendship we have. I have so many moments with him be it gossiping on the Snowdonian mountains in Wales, hiding in back rooms chatting about dramas, giggling about life over Haribo’s in mansions. there’s just so many, i can’t even nearly name them. But they’re just moments that i’Lol away remember.

So yes….lots of movie making has been happened. The last film I wrapped off was ‘Game of Love,’ with Proportion Productions. I played ‘Georgia.’ Such a fun role to tinker with. I had a naughty sex scene in it. It was actually my fist ever scene in a movie ever….I’m not gonna lie. It was fun! haha. I’m just made that way.

I’ve also filmed a bunch of tv. I shot ‘Kensal Town’ in West London A few weeks ago, and two other shows that I have small parts in. One for Netflix which was fun. (I’ve come a long way…So all this means so much to me.)

Then finally I’m still happily lunch mating on ‘Stephs Packed Lunch’ on Channel 4. I feel like I’ve been on the show from the start and grown with it and well I honestly can’t even nearly tell you how wonderful it feels to be part of that ‘family’ because it’s truly one of the best sets you could ever be part of. It’s positive, vibrant, chilled and everyone is just gets on with it. I think I’ve done almost 100 episodes now and there’s never been a single time where I’ve walked onto that set and not felt excited. It’s just so much fun! I feel really grateful. I mean the fact that we’re a Daytime, national tv show that broadcasts from Leeds is INSANE!!! I never thought that would ever happen in my lifetime. So GOD am I proud to be part of it! We’re making mini waves that will hopefully turn into big waves.

Anyway, that’s my ‘run down’ blog. I always hate the ‘getting back into it blog,’ because I’m always more factual than emotional and I know all you wanna hear about is my love life and who I’ve either spooned, dated or bonked. Haha.

I can tell you that during lockdown I did not date at all. I stuck by the rules and stayed away! I mean I chatted it guys on line. one i really liked. He ghosted me and disappeared. But now he’s back and thinks I’m ‘sexy.’ Lol.

Since lockdown restrictions were lifted a little more, I have had mini encounters. So I’ve chilled on sofas and watched movies with ‘London Business Man’ who’s literally been present through all of my blog, over time, here and there. He’s kinda been like a ‘Mr. Big,’ through time. He’s always been really good to me. A great friend. An ace person to have shared sheets with through the years.

London business Man: ‘You haven’t come to see me in FIVE YEARS!. It’s been FIVE whole years…’

‘I’ve just been really busy. Plus, you only message me whenever you’ve broke up with someone. I’m like you’re lonely heart go to..’

‘That’s not true…’

Anyway, weeks and weeks before that, i met up with a guy who I’d been chatting to anyway…so i knew him. His work led him to Leeds, from a far distant country. So i thought it was definitely worth it. I did actually feel a bit nervous. Long story short. I found out that he wasn’t even single and also had a baby on the way. So, that was the end of that. Yippee!!

I mean ‘encounter’ wise, stuff does happen. I just stopped telling my story for a bit because I guess I just needed to re-rein and gather. Plus, coming out of lockdown I felt the extreme need to be careful. Y’know, walk with my vagina celotaped up, because having no love and Zero ‘nookie,’ during the pandemic…well it can really make you think you fancy EVERYONE who hits on you. Haha

Even Clint was like ‘Don’t let ya mind trick you into thinking you fancy people that you don’t.’

So in my love life…right now…NOTHING is going on, where i can tell a beautiful love story.

If there was a man in the world that I could marry right now and spend the rest of my time with that would be Ryan Francis…Hands down. We’ve never even dated. We live in different countries. 🙂 But GOD do i love that man so madly. We’re really close. We’re great friends and well he’s just someone I go to for pure love and advice on ANYTHING. He always knows how to make things better. He always knows how to make me smile and to me they’re really great signs of a truly beautiful human. 🙂

Inbaal my absolute favourite psychic says that in July, she actually sees a romance that could potentially bloom Into a full blown real thing. I think she’s on ‘Packed Lunch’ today. So I’m excited to watch!! She always has so much love for me. She’s wonderful! Such a sweet soul. I love that!

But yeah…potential July romance on the cards…

I’m already nervous. I can’t even say that i’m excited. That’s why I’m searching as fast as I can for MORE WORK, simply to AVOID the potential heartache. Heartache is the my worst feeling in the world ever!

Anyway, I’m off. I need breakfast. But as it stands, I’m feeling good. I’m feeling confident. I’m positive. I’m calm and I’m pretty more than alright. I’m dandy. I’m watching ‘Love Island.’ So far it’s not got my juices flowing. But on the up…we’ve only gone and won the football!!!!

It’s coming home!!! 🙂

I hope you all have a beautiful day.

See you on my Insta story!

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