Leopard Print tits & a Bloody Good Boyband.

Got in at 8.20am this morning after a night on the McRazzle…it’s not really anything to be proud of, so don’t try this at home kiddies. However, i did have an AMAZING night. I had the best company ever, and well if you’re gonna do it, you might aswell do it right! You only live once..and all that jazza muffin. I don’t even feel too bad. Odd really? (Code For: I am ashamed of myself. lol)

Okay after a ‘make up’ phone call, with Jonny, a boy i hold in my highest regard, (I like that we’ve made up) at 8.20pm, i venture off into soho to meet him and his friends (Terence, Chris and Gavin) for a little drinky, at the Slug and Lettuce. They had been doing dinner there earlier, so i popped by to join them, before we galloped off into the night, to Pre-bar (G-A-Y.) I’m there a lot, but fuck it, i LOVE it. I had the funniest time ever. I love these boys a lot. And once they get going, they’re a lot of fun and I might not be the best of creatures, but FUN i can do. I did it in leopard print and tits! (Don’t hate!)

Lots of vodka, lots of redbull, lots of demon dance moves, new people, good times and picking on innocent drunk folk occured. Now i think about it, we were quite popular. Yet only because we were the only ones who knew how to have a good time. We took over the dance floor, therefore if you ventured, you would either get danced with, or verbally abused. Great music in that joint. As the night went on, we got drunker, as we got drunker…it got fun. I wiggled and winked. Jonny was great, he demon danced the whole night away. Chris politely chatted to people named Colin (until he got completely trashed and came over to the dark side) and Terence, brought this 40 year old friend out, who i always victimize when drunk, for once wearing leggings. All i remember was him joyously running off into the crowd to any Britney song and bringing back a random grandad that he had found in the place, to dance with his 40 yr old friend. I met shit loadsa people! Hope you all had a good night. We then moved onto G-A-Y late…which again is fun, if your already pissed.

I had a really great time. The boys did me proud. We drank, we danced, we grinded on people who didn’t wish to be grinded on. We laughed, we bullied folk, we slagged it, had arguments, tragically body popped, downed more drinks, flirted. We just had good clean fun, in the dirtiest way possible. The 40 yr old came, and decided to be miserable the whole way through the madness. He just wanted to go home and fuck ‘Gingers,’ 20 years TOO YOUNG for him. (God, and i thought i was bad. ) Bottom line…if my tits are in leopard print, and i’m armed with a Boyband…you better fucking be out to have a good time!! I hate people who commit to ‘Team Party’and just sit there in a club with a face like a slapped arse. Wake THE FUCK up!! I was impressed with Jonny, as he 100% commited to the jiggery pokery and had a fucking good, un-vanilla time. Everytime i saw him, he was amazing. (I have a great, solid history with him, so i like to see him happy. Even though we fight, our bond is strong.) I was impressed with Chris, because when i sat down, he climbed ontop of me and gave my face a willy lapdance, and pretended i was his girlfriend. (He has great taste in fake girlfriends. Two thumbs up.) And Terence when drunk is either aggressive, or a slaggy dancer and well that makes me piss myself!!! He cracks me up. He’ll like just stroke the backs of people seductively, as they walk by and pout until he moves onto his next victim.

Long story short, it got late and the boys began to drop like flies!! Luckily we saw Mark Byron (hilarious fucker) in the club, and since Little Jonny and i we’re still a ‘go -go’…we all linked arms and gleefully frollocked off to ‘Heaven’ (the big G-A-Y.) I found £400 cold hard cash in ‘Byrons’ coat pocket. I won’t tell you what happened, but i will tell you that he the words, ‘Chrissie take me munnie out ya fanny’ were yelled! My fadge nearly swallowed that all up. It’s the only place i thought a gay wouldn’t venture to get it. (wink wink.) We randonly picked up a Ginger on the walk there…who just decided to be our new best friend..Oh and Jonny saw a 39 yr old midget. The Ginner pissed me off, because all he kept talking about were other gingers!! He wouldn’t shut up. There was me in a bomber jacket, arm linked with Jon, armed linked with Mark (who was now screeching out some song out loud, under the stars) armed linked with The Ginner, as we walked through the late night streets of London. OMG! Mark thought the Ginner was mine and jonny’s friend. Therefore when he found out we didn’t know him, AT ALL by suddenly stopping and saying ‘Hang on??Who the f*** is that?’ He screamed and went MENTAL! This is what was said: OMG! I thought youz knew him! I was linking arms with him, like we were kindred brothers and fucking harmonizing with him! No twat, makes me do Euro-fucking-vision with them for no fucking reason…’ (OMG…hilarious! You HAD to be there. We were in stitches! Funny fucking bastard. The ginner got upset and left. We got felt up and ventured into ‘Heaven.’)

‘Heaven’ was odd on a Monday. If that’s where we go when we die…then we’re FUCKED! I didn’t love the music apart from the Hip hop room, and well it was filled to the brim with weirdos, pervs, druggies, and people who wanted to fight people. But i did love the wind machine. Oh and Luke. (Who got us in for free, and accompained me all night. Love him.) No joke, i actually saw a man, who thought he saw white powder on the floor. He LICKED his hand, scraped it across the floor, hoping he got some powder on it, and sucked his fingers. I’m the Queen of fucking Greatness. I don’t get down like that. Then i watched a shirtless fight between two angry men. It was actually scary! All the straight pervs fancied my tits and well all the non-straight boys wanted to rape Jonny. I’m telling ya, this one black dude ‘Matthew’ fell in love with him and followed him everywhere. It was like an episode if ‘Hollyoaks.’ I didn’t mind him, but he didn’t like me much…HAHAHA. God knows what they we’re talking about. I left them to it, and played ‘wind machine’ with Luke. (And i do mean, as in fan and not as in farting on each other.)

End of the night, we ended up walking through the cold, all 4 of us to ‘Balans,’ to get food, that i ordered but didn’t eat. We bantered, we talked dating, love, music, life and met a 20 year old boy that does Porn…who’s Mother is proud of him. (Great parenting skills. Woohoo!) Black Matthew, now LOVED little Jon Jon and hated me, which Luke and I LOVED.  He kept sipping his Pineapple juice and calling me ‘Bitch.’ He named my tits, ‘Amy’ and ‘Winehouse.’ Then i called him a pervert for being 28 and wanting to date a 20 year old boy. (Wink wink.) He tried to have a stern talk with me outside, about how ‘just because i’m pretty, it doesn’t mean i run the joint.‘ I didn’t care…i looked amazing for 7.30 am in the morning. Then he tried to befriend me..

Luke and I spied a few odd moments, but anyway (lol), it was broad daylight outside, and definitely time to go home. ‘Black Matthew’ gave us a £20 note to get a taxi back home to Camden….which was actually sweet of him. But he only did it to make Jonny love him…hhaha. Then as we both sat in the cab, on our way home, i looked at the clock and it read  ‘8.15am.’ It was sunny, it was morning, people were on their way to work, people were even on fucking jogs! We just looked at each other and laughed, as our black cab travelled us through the morning streets and into Tuesday. We both got back home…and to bed we went. He’s a good boy. I love life! London Rocks!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!! I love you. I couldn’t have ever wished for a better father….now stop reading my blog. Kisses x